“Look at me.”
I refused.
“Look at me,” he stated more forcefully.
And as if my eyes followed his command instead of my own, they rose to meet his. I had to bite the inside of my cheek as a sob dared to escape my mouth. The look in his eyes was so … so … Carter. That’s the only way to describe it. A mix between fierceness, boldness, confidence, and a warmth that I’d only known with him.
“I’ll leave.”
And I nearly broke at hearing those words.
“But I’m not giving up. This isn’t over.Wearen’t over.” He glared at me with harsh eyes. The tightness in his jaw demonstrated that he was struggling to contain his anger and… fear. I saw it plainly written all over his face. He was letting me see it. His fear of losing me… us. When he blinked, it appeared as if a switch had been flipped and his face went blank. That’s the only way I could describe it. The emotion that had been so prevalent just a second ago was gone. His face remained neutral as he stood to his full height, gave me one last, lingering look, and then turned to leave. Each step he took felt like a compression on my heart. It literally hurt more and more the farther away he moved.
Slowly, I closed the door and decided to give into the tears that wanted to spill over onto my cheeks, when I heard …
“Mama?”
Blinking, I turned to see my son standing in his now favorite firefighter pajamas, rubbing his sleepy eyes. I quickly rubbed my own eyes, freeing them of the tears that would just have to wait until later. Until I was alone in my room and able to spill my emotion out into the pillow.
“Diego, what are you doing up, baby?”
“I thought I heard Mr. Carter.”
I swallowed and shook my head. “No, sweetie, that was a man on the TV. Come on, let’s get to bed, you have school in the morning.” I went to him, taking his hand and walking him back to his bedroom. The guilt from the lie I’d just told threatened to choke me along with my own sorrow.
“Do I have to go live with my daddy?”
My eyes widened but I held the gasp that tried to burst from my lips. “W-where did you hear that from?”
“He said I would have to live with him if you kept being mean.” Diego peered up at me from his bed with angst filling his brown eyes.
I bent low to kiss his cheek and brush a curl from his forehead. I needed to remember to schedule his next haircut appointment. I stared down at my son and the same fierce protection I felt the moment he was placed in my arms after his birth filled me.
“No one is ever taking you from me. Ever. Okay?”
A small smile crossed his face. “’Kay, Mama.” With that, he turned over, closing his eyes.
I waited a few moments until his breathing slowed into an easy rhythm, signaling that he had fallen asleep. I remained for a long while, well after Diego fell into a deep slumber. I’d just lied to the two most important people in my world. Although I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it’d happened, Carter had become just as much my world as Diego. The two owned my whole heart. How was I supposed to sit by and let him go?
****
Carter
“Shit! Easy with that!” Don growled a few feet from me as we stood in the equipment room. “You almost took my fucking head off with that damn thing!”
The scowl that I’d already been wearing on my face deepened as I slowly moved my eyes from the hatchet in front of me over to Don. “Quit acting like a bitch. Barely fucking grazed you,” I grumbled. I went back to swiping the rag across the blade of the hatchet, cleaning it.
“You’ve had a bug up your ass for a full week now. I don’t know what the fuck you did, but go back and tell Michelle you’re sorry. Buy her some fucking flowers, cake, ice cream, fuck it a new car or house. You can afford it. Just go beg her for her forgiveness so you can quit your goddamned moping around here!” Don shouted, pointing a finger at me.
A searing heat rose in my chest at the mere mention of her name. It’d been a week since the night I’d left her apartment. I hadn’t called or reached out since because I was still sorting through my own shit. I knew it was deeper than her fear of my job. I just had no idea what it was because she refused to tell me. Hell, maybe it was exactly what she’d said. I did have a dangerous job. It couldn’t have been easy to watch me dangling thirty stories high on the local news. But I’d learned to trust my instincts in the army and my instincts were telling me this had nothing to do with my job. The only problem was, the love I felt for Michelle and Diego clouded my instincts.
“First the fuck of all,” I growled standing and turning to Don. “Don’t ever mention her fucking name again. She’s none of your goddamned business!”
“What about Rescue Four? Is that my business? Because your ass has been out of it the last week. That job at the apartment yesterday? You were slow and held us up.”
Rage. Pure rage filled me. Next thing I knew I was in Don’s face, shoving him, hard. “You trying to say I can’t do my goddamned job?”
“Fuck yeah, that’s what I’m saying, you pussywhipped motherfucker!”
