It’s those careful words that help alleviate my panic.
I give an unsteady shake of my head. “No, I’m okay. Thanks for checking on me, though.”
He leaves his gaze with mine. “If at any time you need to stop, just say so. I don’t care about the timer he put on this. He won’t have that trigger pulled as long as we’re showing that we’re following through with this.”
“Are you sure?” I ask skeptically.
He nods. “He knows if he takes that away, he doesn’t have much to threaten us with.”
An exhale eases from my lips. “Okay. But you can kiss me again. I’ve collected myself.” I hope.
In the back of my mind, I realize we don’t actually have to kiss. He could just screw me, and we could get this over with. But as he kisses me again, for at least a few minutes, it helps me relax. I latch onto that as best as I can as he lays me down on the bed, slowly, and then covers his body over mine, never breaking the connection of our lips as he props his weight onto one arm and kisses me even more intensely.
I know time is running out, but I let him kiss me for longer than I probably should. I let him kiss me until I almost forget where I am. Until I can’t even focus on breathing. I wonder what it would be like to have him kiss me under normal circumstances. Way better. Mind-numbingly better.
But then he stops. He doesn’t move away, his hips hovering above mine as he whispers. “I… I need to touch you for a bit. I don’t want this to hurt at all, so I… I have to touch you.” He gives a short pause. “You know what I’m talking about, right?”
I roll my eyes. “Yes. Dude, I may be a virgin, but I’m not naïve.”
He lowers his forehead to mine before plucking a soft kiss from my mouth. Then he undoes the button of my pants and unzips them. My heart is beating so forcefully, I can feel it throbbing in every part of my body. But all of my attention goes elsewhere as he sticks his hand down my pants and then slips a finger inside me.
I expected not to like it.
I expected it to hurt.
What I didn’t expect was for it to feel so good that a whimper flees my throat. I claw Finn’s shoulders as I struggle to get air into my lungs. Through the desire, though, my mind strays to the fact that Finn’s father is watching us on the cameras.
Again, he must read my mind, because he whispers, “It’s just you and me here. Don’t think about anything else, okay?”
I bob my head up and down and quickly get distracted as he pumps his finger in and out of me. My brain starts to short-circuit as he adds another finger inside me.
“Does that feel good or hurt?” he whispers, his lips brushing mine.
“A little of both,” I confess as I pull him closer, seeking comfort in his body heat.
“What about now?” he asks, then brushes his finger along my sensitive flesh.
Stars spot my vision as a gasp flees my throat, and my body arches into his.
“Fuck,” he curses, then pumps his fingers into my again.
He does this over and over again until my mind actually floats away to the damn stars, where I wish I could stay and never return. That’s not possible, and conclusively, my brain puts reality back in front of me as Finn shifts his weight.
He caresses my cheek with his hand. “Are you okay?”
Swallowing hard, I nod. My feelings are so conflicted. It felt good, but it also felt so wrong. I want to cry, but I also want to kiss him again.
“I’m going to do this as easily as possible, because I don’t want to give him a show,” he utters quietly. “Do you trust me?”
I don’t trust easily, but I do trust him. It’s weird, but I just know he’s going to get me through this as easily as he came.
I nod, and then he carefully removes my pants. He leaves my panties on, which is confusing, and then he slips his jeans and boxer briefs off. I try not to look at his cock, but it’s right there, and it’s big and hard, and I end up staring at it idiotically with wide eyes.
And then to add to the fucking awkwardness of this entire situation, I say in a horrified tone, “It’s so big.”
He fixes his finger underneath my chin and tips my head back to look at him. “I promise I’ll be as careful as possible. Just focus on me.”
I unevenly nod, but I keep glancing at his dick as he climbs back on top of me again. So he ends up kissing me to distract me—I can tell—as he slides my panties aside and lines himself up with me.
