“And you’re good at it.”
“Maybe. I’ve never really proven that to anyone, including myself. Acting was just something that happened to me. I fellinto it as a kid, and I’ve been riding that wave ever since. Now that it’s over…” He trails off.
“Now you get to figure out what you actually want,” I say softly. “That’s not a bad thing.”
“Is it weird that I feel more like myself here on Willow Shade than I ever have in LA? Like maybe this is where I’m supposed to be?”
“No, it’s not weird at all. Sometimes you have to get away from everything you know to figure out who you really are.”
“Exactly.” His voice brightens. “Cricket, I know this might sound crazy, especially since we just broke up, but I feel like you really get me. You see me for who I am, not who I’m supposed to be.”
“You’re a good person, River. Anyone can see that.”
“Thank you. That… that means more than you know.”
We talk for a few more minutes about house hunting and his plans for the week, and by the time we hang up, I feel marginally better. River is kind and genuine, and even though we broke up, he still wants to be friends, and he likes me for who I am. Maybe if I focus on that, I can forget about the way Micah’s lips felt against mine. Maybe I can convince myself that what I felt was just the relief of finally having a good kiss, nothing more.
But as I lie in the dark later, staring at the ceiling, I know I’m lying to myself. That kiss with Micah was everything I’ve been dreaming about for years. And the fact that it meant nothing to him is going to haunt me for a very long time.
CHAPTER 21
MicahBarrett
Sunday, November 29
I stare downat the lyrics in my notebook, the words blurring together. I can’t concentrate on anything. Not since yesterday and the stupid kiss tutorial. The one that awakened things in me that I never thought possible.
What the heck?
Cricket and I are friends. That’s all. At least, that’s what I thought. Now I can’t get her out of my head, and I’m definitely not thinking about her in a friendly way. Too friendly is more like it. Why is my brain now obsessed with the way her lips felt against mine?
I haven’t spoken to her since the kiss. I saw her and River at church but ducked behind a door and didn’t greet them when they walked in. I let Skyler tug me over to sit by her, and I rushed out afterward, not staying for doughnuts or socializing. Not that I ever do, but I’m still embarrassed that I hid behind the bushes so they wouldn’t see me.
And now I’m sure she’s going to be out with River all day. Why did River Stone, of all people, have to come to Willow Shade Island and chase after that stupid bird to get her glasses back? He’s too nice. I can’t even hate him. He’s funny, smart, and I’ve only ever seen him act like a true gentleman.
I grab my pencil, my feelings overwhelming. The words start to flow onto the paper. Words about longing and love and regret—how I’ve been blind this whole time.
I keep writing, the song coming out of me faster than I have ever experienced. The lyrics speaking to me not knowing what was right in front of me all along. How stupid I’ve been, and all this time, Cricket was the one who stood by me. Who’s still beside me, but it might be too late. She might be slipping away. The verses, the chorus, and the bridge all come out in a whirlwind of words and feelings.
I title it “Right Here.” And now it’s time to find the melody. I grab my guitar, slinging the strap over my head. I start my recording equipment and strum to find the chords that fit the best.
The music pours out of me, like a tune I’ve had in my head all this time but didn’t know it. This song is different from my normal love songs. This one hits deeper for me. The words are haunting, about loving someone you can’t have. I turn to minor chords that better match the feeling.
Once it’s all written, I play it back again, singing the lyrics. It startles me how different it is from my regular music, almost like someone else wrote it. I freeze.
Atlantic Coast Records wants me to write more songs that are like the ones I usually write. What if they don’t like this one? What if they tell me it’s all wrong?
My phone vibrates, and I realize I’ve worked into the late afternoon. I pick it up to see a text from Kiki.
Are you coming to family dinner? Cricket is already here with River.
Pain stabs in my chest. Of course River is there with Cricket. I remove my guitar strap and set my instrument into its case. I’m starving, and I can’t avoid Cricket forever. I’d better go to family dinner. Hiding from her isn’t going to make these feelings go away.
I head upstairs and walk the two doors down. I find my house already filled with the warm sounds of a family gathering. Levi’s telling some story about the bakery, Skyler is giggling, and underneath it all, Cricket’s voice mixes with River’s. My stomach tightens at the sound.
“There he is,” Kiki says when I walk into the dining room. “We were wondering if you’d gotten lost in your music.”
“Kind of. Sorry,” I mumble. River is sitting in my usual seat beside Cricket, leaving me to walk around the table. It’s weird to sit anywhere else, and I try not to scowl. I slide into the empty chair across from Cricket. Big mistake. Now I have a perfect view of her and River sitting side by side, River’s hand resting casually on the back of her chair. My chest constricts.
