Her asking for consent is almost my undoing, and all of a sudden I want nothing more than for her tiny arms to surround me. I don’t trust my voice so I just nod. In the next second she envelops me in a tight hug and I damn near break. It takes a few minutes before my eyes sweep the table and find all five of my brothers staring at me with murderous looks on their faces. Rowan looks like he’s about to pop a blood vessel when he suddenly stands.
“All spouses, please excuse us.” He nods to all of us and on instinct I stand with them.
“Jake comes too.” I tell him, my tone brokering no room for negotiations.
“Declan.”
“Declan nothing. He just heard that for the first time too. I’m not just going to tell him that shit and then leave him here.” I slam my hand down on the table.
“Okay, fine. Let’s go then.” He turns on his heel and walks into the house.
I know where he’s going. Where we all seem to gravitate when shit hits the fan. We all follow him down into the gym. Rowan nods towards the ring at the far end of the space. Without words I nod and grab my sparring gloves. No one else says a word as they watch us shed our shirts and put on our gloves. We’re both in dress pants, and I’m sure we look ridiculous right now, but this isn’t about showing off or looking cool. It’s why we don’t invite the wives down here.
It’s why he tried to make Jake stay back, but what he doesn’t realize is that Jake doesn’t make me want to show off. He makes me want to cut myself open and lay my beating heart at his feet. He makes me strive to be a better man day in and day out. We’ve fought this for long enough, and I’m done fighting against him. Why do that when we can do this shit together? I know we need to talk about this, but right now I need to get in the ring with my brother and work through it.
23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jakob
Declan and Rowan put on their gloves before climbing into the ring and setting their stances. They tap gloves and start dancing around each other. Quickly I notice that Declan’s striking out, but Rowan’s just blocking his shots. I’m watching them with rapt attention when Mac moves to stand beside me.
“He’s not going to hit him. He’ll block his shots and let Dec tire himself out. That’s when he’ll break. I’m going to be honest, it’s not a fun thing to go through or to witness. He won’t blame you if you leave now.” Mac mumbles.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to stay.” My eyes never leave Declan’s as he fights his demons, quite literally.
We watch him for another ten or so minutes before he begins to slow down and that’s whenit happens. Tears begin streaming down his face as he continues to throw kicks and punches at his big brother. He throws a half hearted punch, and Rowan grabs his hand and pulls him until he’s crashing into him. Declan collapses into his arms as Rowan tells him the same thing over and over again.
“It’s not your fault. You aren’t alone anymore, and we’re going to figure this out together.”
I watch until Declan slowly pulls his composure back in place. His eyes lock on mine. Even red rimmed, they’re the most breathtaking eyes I’ve ever seen. I don’t say a word. Instead, I opt to hold a hand out to him. Without another word he jumps from the ring and walks straight over to me. He tosses his gloves onto the shelf where they belong, takes my hand, and leads me from the gym all the way to the front door and to my truck.
“Where do you want to go, Engel?” I ask him while climbing into the driver’s seat.
“Home. Take me home, Chaos.” He whispers from the passenger seat.
Without any additional prompting, I drive us to my house in complete silence. It isn’t awkward like one would think it should be. My heart is tattered and broken for the sexual abuse he’s endured in silence for all these years. However, that makes none of this awkward. He’s been taken advantage of and if I have a say in this, he’ll be getting therapy and we’ll be working through it all. This handsome, sweet man has been left broken by this vile monster. And I swear that if he doesn’t, I’ll pull the trigger my damn self.
I knew something was off. I’ve known for a while. The way he stiffens when someone touches him unexpectedly, the way he physically recoiled when I said something was going onbetween her and him. God, I’m a fucking idiot. The signs are all there. Why didn’t I see it? I was too blinded by misplaced rage and jealousy. If I had put my pride aside years ago, it wouldn’t have gotten this bad. I would have been able to do something about it.
By the time we’re pulling up to the house, I’ve been beating myself up the whole way and just want to profusely apologize but I also know him well enough to know he’s going to tell me to shut the hell up. Before he can climb out of the truck, I reach over and grab his hand. One thing I’ve noticed is that he never flinches away from me. He just flips his hand and laces our fingers before looking at me.
“We’re going to get past this, right? I know we have a lot to talk about, but we’re still in our truce. This isn’t the beginning of the end?” The way he looks at me is like a spear to the gut.
How could he think I’m going to bail out on us? Well, I guess that’s because I have before. When I really think about it, he has a right to think like that, but this time I’m not going anywhere. I’m in this, full stop.
“You couldn’t keep me away if you tried.” I give him a small smile as I squeeze his hand three times.
That’s a thing Lee and Annie have always done. They’re big Taylor Swift fans, and I guess it has something to do with one of her songs. I don’t know, but I do know we all do it when we want to remind someone that we love them. He gifts me with a full smile before we both climb out of the truck and head into the house from the attached garage.
“Can we talk in bed? I’m beat.” He yawns. Aside from the emotionally taxing shit he has had to deal with, he’s also still recovering from his concussion. I’m sure he’s about to fall flat on his face.
“Yeah, baby. Whatever you want.” He takes my hand and leads me into the bedroom, where we both undress down to our boxers.
He climbs into the side of the bed closest to the door and once he gets comfortable, he smiles at me triumphantly. Any other time I’d laugh, but about this I just look at him incredulously.
“Declan, move. It’s my turn to sleep there.”
