SGAP snorted, “My mother isn’t a criminal mastermind.” I said, “I think she knows a lot of smarter people because I agree she’s not. Mommy Queenie Meanie is a special brand of crazy wrapped up in bitter tortilla that we praise our Super Special Fun Sized Pink Loving Fairy Ninja Assassin for showing everyone the true colors of.”
I whispered, “It’s just you guys, literally everyone else knew.” I spoke in my usual tone to say, “Mommy Queenie Meanie’s plans were always awful, but she was the best at planting word bombs that just detonated in your head later. It’s what those mean, awful letters were about.”
I added, “By the way literally everyone, women and sensitive men, that heard about those rumors cried thinking of doing that to their mates and pups. Just mates for those that don’t have pups yet. Men and women have shed tears THINKING of doing something so awful to their mates.”
Fang said, “They are shocked.” I continued, “You can’t just let mommy queenie meanie win. You did that most of your lives. Now, you’ve grieved her death more than she deserves. I myself popped some champagne and left out assortments of berries, twigs, flowers, nuts, fruits, and mushrooms for the deer population around these here parts.”
SGAP snorted. I grinned saying, “I even had my adopted brother charm them so that only the deer could have them. They did the work of the gods and goddesses that day. Life is brighter. Humans noticed.”
SGAP sighed, “Dylan.” I grinned saying, “You know the fact that you didn’t growl says you agree, but I digress.” Jackson groaned, “Come on, Dylan.” I tapped my chin, “You’re right. It wasn’t the gods and goddesses work, it was Death’s. Think of how much Death himself didn’t like your mother. He devised a death plan where a she wolf got taken out by a deer. That’s hatred right there, people.”
Darrin argued, “A deer didn’t kill mom.” I disagreed, “I mean tomato, potato, youngest Sullen Conners. Mommy Queenie Meanie swerved for the deer, ergo it led to her demise.” Harold snorted, “That’s not the saying.” I whispered, “I know, but what your brother said was so wrong I had to compare tomatoes to something on that level.”
I asked, “Do you think Death met her with his scythe? I’d want to scare her if I was him. That would’ve been my wish. I have suggestions to offer Death if that’s not how he does things when it’s my time to go.”
SGAP growled, “You’re not dying anytime soon.” I replied, “I had a near death experience not so long ago which is when I had to think about such things, SGAP. I mapped it all out and I have a list of ideas ready to go for Death.”
SGAP snarled, “You are NOT dying. It’s your damn anniversary with Lacy and you have a pup on the way.” I cooed, “Awww, yes I know that little Hank is coming. I do love that you snarled over the thought of my death and merely sighed about Mommy Queenie Meanie’s actual demise. Let’s turn all those frowns into slight smirks.”
They stared at me. I sighed, “Tough crowd. I wasn’t even asking you to turn them upside down. I know how hard that is for you. Where were we? Oh yes, on you’re not allowed to grieve file and how I’m going to get you to stop sulking over her death.”
Jackson rubbed his face until his Beta joined us. I squealed, “The hero of the decade! Hey, Beta Tex! We were just discussing the grief that the Conners men were never allowed to feel. They think I can’t pull them out of their funk.”
Beta Tex shot me a look. I whispered, “That look means he knows what I’m talking about.” I cleared my throat, “So, we have not being allowed to shed even a measly tear at your own Grandpa’s funeral. There’s the Emma Daniels situation, which brought up not being allowed to be sad when people die in a rogue attack.”
I smacked my head, “Oh yeah, we could even discuss your friends in other packs who died that you weren’t allowed to be sad about. I know for a FACT that SGAP wasn’t allowed to attend a funeral for a friend of his when he was fourteen who died in a rogue attack.”
Jackson asked, “That’s why you didn’t go, Eric?” Harold asked, “Wait, really?” I whispered, “They thought you threw yourself into training and signed up for that special Alpha course all on your own, SGAP. Just like your dad does because you were all ‘I have to defeat the rogue’s so my friends don’t die.’ Which does sound like you, to be fair.”
I told them, “Nay, that’s not what happened at all. Our very special SGAP was wearing his best suit when he was told he could not attend because he’d been, and I quote, ‘Too emotional and it was unbecoming of an Alpha.’ Alas, no one had a recorder for proof of this incident at said time.”
SGAP asked, “How could you possibly know that?” I whispered, “I also know that your dad didn’t know that. Mommy Queenie Meanie said he agreed with her and didn’t want to discuss it with you. Maybe think of how often she said that when it’s clearly not true. Your dad has emotions, you robots!”
I sighed, “Then there’s me, chiseling away at your robot exteriors. Our Super Special Fun Sized Fairy Ninja Goddess came in with all her powers and we rejoiced! Baby Conners is now even the reigning fighter in the Hackura games! We are so proud of you.”
I whispered, “You probably should know no one was shocked, besides you, that you won once you were signed up. I know that you didn’t do that yourself though. Our Super Special Fun Sized Fairy Ninja Goddess did it with her mother who mimicked your handwriting.”
Darrin wryly commented, “I figured that out all on my own.” I winked, “You suspect it down in your jellies. I know for that’s how it went down for a fact and can prove they did it. I’m the chosen one and I need you to know that. Guess what else happened once you started competing?”
I whispered, “Don’t guess, it’s more fun if I whisper it and it’s Dylan and Lacy day.” SGAP muttered, “It’s fucking Halloween,Dylan.” I agreed, “Exactly! It’s Dylan and Lacy day. Anywho, a certain Mommy Queenie Meanie was charmed not to be able to say anything negative about you winning your matches.”
SGAP asked, “Why would mom say anything negative? Everyone was proud.” I told Darrin, “Notice he didn’t mention being shocked in any way, shape, or form that you won.” I turned back to SGAP, “That’s such a great question and should be a topic of discussion amongst yourselves later. It’s a vital step to getting past your wallowing grief stage.” Beta Tex said, “You seem to be bartering for the anger stage.”
I replied, “Well, they skipped straight to depression. No one wanted to deny mommy queenie meanie was dead, this lot somehow skipped anger. I mean, the audacity. Am I right? Conners men skipping anger. It’s truly a travesty. It’s a staple of their personalities and they just think I’ll allow them to skip on over it? No, not on my watch.”
Fang snickered in my head along with several others from our pack. I replied, “It’s literally what they are known for, and they danced right on over that. After making me attend dance lessons because none of them would? HA, I say. HA!”
“No one blamed them over their lack of denial and bargaining. The wicked evil Mommy Queenie Meanie was gone, and they wanted to rejoice. Literally everyone did. I wasn’t the only person drinking champagne when that news hit.”
I dramatically used my hands for the next part, “Then she reached her evil paws up from the earth to put them all into a depression. I could go straight for acceptance, but we just can’t skip the classics. They have to go through the anger stage before acceptance. I don’t make the rules, people, I just enforce them.”
SGAP snorted, “You do make them up.” I replied, “The people voted on them, SGAP. Technically the people make the rules. Every so often you have to go with the fan votes for yourshows. It keeps the audience engaged when they can affect the outcome.”
SGAP shouted, “EXCUSE ME?!” I hummed, “You should say that like your wife does, it’s more effective. Anywho, do we have enough grief examples? Or should I point out Harold was never allowed to be upset no one attended his baseball games?”
I whispered, “That Mommy Queenie Meanie told people you had quit and the believed that until I sent SGAP a clipping of you about to smash a record, so they showed up.” SGAP growled, “You sent that to me?” I grinned, “I love when you pretend you don’t know it was me. It makes me all twitterpated with joy.”
I nudged Harold, “He also knew you still played, but Mommy Queenie Meanie kept him in activities so that he couldn’t attend your games. Your dad was told that you picked it back up for that game. Did anyone else adore the sour looking melon Mommy Queenie Meanie looked like she was sucking on when multiple packs and her pups all showed up with signs?”
