I whispered, “You have to be careful, or the masses will catch onto the fact that your heart has grown several sizes. You’re now a big marshmallow of love. Think of the area and what will happen if that gets around. Be scarier.”
SGAP glared at me. I sighed, “Not even a hint of a smirk? Come on, Mommy Queenie Meanie is gone, and the general happiness of the area has risen over fifty percent. The impending cloud of doom is gone. It’s ok to be happy about that. I myself would throw a parade about certain people’s demise should they kick the bucket of life.”
Harold snorted, “I’d throw a parade over mom’s death if I could.” He could. I clapped, “YES! See, SGAP? This is the energy you all need. Yet you’re all twitterpated over hate filled letters from the grave. I’ll sing theLet it Gosong if that will help you. My voice gets Lacy’s motor going, and it is our anniversary. Help me, help my sex life.”
SGAP scoffed, “Your sex life is fine.” I grumbled, “You are so confusing. I just can’t get that wind-up toy feature correct. You’re so sex positive and all about the beast with two backs until I’m involved. You’re secretly jealous it will never be us, aren’t you?”
“The sun set on our moment before you attempted to seize it. It’s ok to admit that’s your problem. We’ve all been thinking such thoughts for some time now. You just affirm it when you do things like not let me have all the sex on my anniversary. I actually think the Creepy Ninja Assassins would shun you for that. They probably don’t leave the bedroom all day on their anniversary.”
SGAP replied, “They do. They are together having sex everywhere they go in their realm.” I hummed, “Mmmhmmm I hear what you’re saying. You’re trying to let me have anorgy moment.” SGAP sighed, “You’re always hearing things that aren’t there. We all know that.”
I gasped, “You wound me so on my special day. I notice you didn’t comment on the hate from beyond the grave letters. I knew it was true, but confirmation directly from your lips is always nice. Listen, Mommy Queenie Meanie and she who shall not be named as the mother of your mate are literally the only people who leave hate letters. Even the worst bad people we know didn’t do that. Heck, those people I no longer claim as parentals wouldn’t do it and I have a very low standard for them. Look at them leaping over expectations. It’s a big moment for them. It’s too bad they’ll never know.”
I whispered, “It’s only the people who claim they are pearly white and pristine doing utterly evil shit designed to send their mates into a spiral of alcohol and their pups into their somber selves. It’s a talent I thought she’d take her to grave, but she’s reaching up to meddle. I shan’t allow it any longer.”
Louder I said, “It’s like she was giving me the middle finger one last time.” Darrin asked, “You?” I answered, “As the self-appointed and anointed one who gets the Conners men to smile, yes me. It was clearly a direct attack on me personally. Ya’ll can’t just let her get to me like this. You are my wind-up toys. You must RISE UP AND DEFEND MY HONOR!”
Jackson said, “We weren’t great to her at the end.” I agreed, “Totally. Finally having healthy boundaries with someone who was emotionally manipulative to you your entire lives about having feelings is absolutely unwarranted.” I whispered, “Please note my sarcasm.”
At normal volume I continued, “Every single Alpha shows emotion, except you robots. I mean personally I love you all, because you’re my robots. Just note that Dale is the most loved Alpha in the area for how adorable he is. The man smiles at people.”
“Frank emotes a ton. He’s a little bit crazy and hypervigilant, but he’s our crazy hypervigilant Alpha with reasons to be that way. He’s even kind of calmed down on his crazy. Alpha Nick lets people whip cream him in the face to this day because it amuses the pups. You guys need to lighten up because smirking won’t kill you.”
Darrin said, “Our mother just died.” I replied, “Mommy Queenie Meanie died weeks ago and you’re wallowing. I’ve let it all go on, but she does not deserve to be mourned anymore.” I whispered, “It’s really that she didn’t deserve to be mourned at all, but I’ve let it go. I allowed you to morn her awful self. Now, your time is up.”
Jackson snorted, “You can’t decide when we are done grieving.” I replied, “I thought you might say that, and I came prepared. See, that’s where you’re wrong because I watched you grow up. Mommy Queenie Meanie quite literally did move you out of grief all the time, so I know how to do it. Just in a nicer, more Dylan, way.”
SGAP asked, “What the fuck are you talking about?” Fang chuckled, “All their wolves are asking me questions.” Good. The wolves were going to help me push their human counterparts over the edge into no more sulking.
I grinned, “Have no fear, SGAP. As I said, my ways are more fun. I’m not going to strip rooms bare down the studs and remove hygiene products from your room to be replaced with generic brands. The horror.”
SGAP sighed, “That wasn’t about grief.” I agreed, “You’re right, that’s my bad. That was an example of her abusive tendencies I keep on file. Moving onto the grief file.” I acted like I was pulling files out of an imaginary cabinet.
I fake opened it then nodded, “Oh yes, let’s talk about when she GAVE YOUR COMIC BOOKS AWAY!” SGAP argued, “That wasn’t grief.” I gasped, “Don’t you talk about my precious babieslike that! You loved those comics. Grief isn’t only for people, SGAP. My comics are on display in a precious room.”
“Lucas’s gaming collection are pieces of his most prized possession. Your wife used them for a prank, and he sulked about not having his collection where it was supposed to be. Mommy Queenie Meanie gave yours away. You weren’t even allowed to be upset at it. She’s an abuser.”
I pointed at Darrin, “You were berated when your grandpa, HER OWN FATHER, died and you shed one measly tear at the event.” SGAP, Jackson, and Harold shouted, “WHAT?!” Darrin winced, “I should’ve kept it together.”
I hummed, “Yes, as we all should be robots at six years old. God forbid you should be sad that the one person who called Mommy Queenie Meanie out on her vitriol directed at you was gone. It really was your own fault.” I whispered, “That was heavy sarcasm. It was so weird how they got cut off after your grandpa told her to back off and that she was upsetting you.”
Louder I said, “Even weirder is how he died shortly thereafter. People have theories.” I whispered, “It’s me.” I continued, “Sadly, we cannot prove them. Someone should consider the timing suspect like I do though.”
Fang sighed, “They think you are reaching.” I wasn’t. Cassandra orchestrated that and I knew it. Her father was in perfect health, then he died after telling her he’d talk to Nathan about what she was doing to her youngest pup.
I never figured out what that was, but I had suspicions based on how she talked to Darrin at the funeral. Again, that whole pesky needing proof rule got in my way. Darrin asked, “How did you even hear that conversation with mom?”
I answered, “I had to tinkle, Darrin. Thankfully I didn’t trust the fart I had brewing because then I discovered it was a deuce as well. I didn’t hear the whole conversation and let me tell you it haunts me that I couldn’t follow. The deuce was hedge hogging.”
Harold commented, “I don’t think we require that imagery.” I grinned at him then said to Darrin, “I don’t suppose you’ll fill me in the rest of the conversation after all these years. Because I proceeded to try and prove the things I thought were true and never managed it. It vexed me so.”
Darrin answered, “I really won’t.” I huffed, “Well, SGAP you should have chats because it was a berating that ended with more tears. Darrin got sent to a guest room since we were in Mommy Queenie Meanie’s home pack. I know for a fact Nathan thought Darrin disappeared because he was sad.”
SGAP asked, “Mom sent you to your room for being upset that Grandpa died, Darrin?” I whispered, “No, you missed the point of the story. He was sent to his not room in her not house for shedding a tear at his funeral. Pay attention.”
Harold replied, “Mom said you were upset and needed space, Darrin.” Darrin sighed, “I was making our family look bad. Mom gave me the choice to come back out if I could hold it together, but I was really close with Grandpa. I didn’t get to hang out with him for four months before he died. I was really sad, and I knew I couldn’t keep it together.”
I chimed in, “I repeat, that’s suspect. Please find the timing suspect with me.” SGAP ignored me, “Darrin, it’s fine that you cried at Grandpa’s funeral.” I hummed, “Good point. Why didn’t the rest of you cry? He was such a fun man. Not at all like his crazy whacked out daughter. The man had Gamma blood. Methinks he sensed blood in the water and attempted to become a shark.”
