I took a deep breath, clicked ‘send’, then buried my face in my hands. ‘Oh God, I already think this is a mistake,’ I groaned.
‘It’s not a mistake, I promise,’ Rachel said. ‘It’s totally the right thing to do.’
I peeled my eyes open and peered at the screen where my profile picture smiled back at me like a girl who didn’t have a care in the world. This wasdefinitelya mistake.
It was a couple of days since I’d last seen Nick and we’d talked about dating other people. Today, Rachel had just helped me set up my profile on Tinder.
‘Men love a widow,’ she said, when I questioned whether I should mention it.
‘I don’t want someone with a weird dead husband fetish,’ I said.
She’d put her hand on my arm and given me a stern look. ‘Emma Vickers, stop being so negative about this,’ she said. ‘You don’t have to find your next husband. You just need to have a bit of fun and stop thinking about a man you can’t have.’
That was easier said than done. Even thinking about Tinder made me think about Nick, and his confusion when I’d mentioned it all those weeks ago. At the time I’d thought he was just cute and old-fashioned. I could never have guessed the truth.
‘Fine, fine,’ I said, clicking my phone off.
‘What are you doing? You might be getting some matches as we speak,’ she said.
‘I’m not sitting here waiting to see if people like me,’ I said. ‘I’ll check it later.’ I frowned at her. ‘Anyway, how come you’re the dating app expert all of a sudden?’
She shrugged. ‘A few people at work use them and talk about them all the time. Apparently when you first sign up you get shown lots of hot men because they want you to keep paying for it.’
‘And after that?’
She looked sheepish. ‘Well, Suzanne said she now only gets men coming up on her app who look like thumbs.’
‘Oh great.’
‘But that doesn’t mean it will happen to you. Perhaps the algorithm just thinks she likes thumb-like men.’
I tucked my phone in the back pocket of my jeans and stood.
‘Where are you going?’
‘I need to get off,’ I said.
‘But I thought we were going for a couple of drinks? Iain’s all ready to look after the horrors.’
‘Sorry, Rach, I’ve got a splitting headache, I really just need to go home and go to bed.’
‘Have I pissed you off, making you sign up to this? Because you don’t have to do it. You can just delete it.’
I shook my head. ‘Honestly, I’m fine. I really am just tired. Drinks another day?’
She stuck out her bottom lip. ‘Sure. But make sure you check the app every now and then and don’t just ignore it, okay?’
‘Okay.’ I turned to leave.
‘Oh, and Em?’
‘Yes?’
‘Be nice to them, yeah?’
‘I’ll be charm personified,’ I said. I blew her a kiss and left. It wasn’t until I’d closed the front door behind me and started walking down the street towards home that I let myself think about the reality of dating other men.
When Nick had suggested it, I’d been sure I would never do it. I hadn’t been looking for anyone when we’d met and nothing had changed.
