‘I’m just finishing this call, then I’m all yours,’ he said, indicating the phone in his hand.
He disappeared into his bedroom and I made my way into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on. By the time it was boiled, Sam was back and pulling open the fridge door.
‘Do we really want coffee?’ he said.
‘What are you suggesting?’
‘Vodka?’
‘It’s eleven in the morning!’
‘And your point is…?’
I shrugged. ‘Why not? It’s Christmas.’
‘Atta girl.’
He poured two generous measures into glasses, added a splash of Diet Coke and handed me one. ‘Sorry, no ice.’
I took a sip and grimaced.
‘So, spill.’
I took another gulp of the too-strong vodka and then told Sam what had happened when I’d played the mixtape to Mum.
‘She was utterly joyous,’ I said.
‘And that’s bad because…?’ A frown flitted across his forehead.
I rubbed my face, trying to find the words to explain. ‘She’d never mentioned Johnny before, but this time it was as though her mind had finally been unplugged and all the secrets that had been trapped came pouring out. She told me a bit about who this Johnny was, said he was the love of her life.’ I looked up at Sam now. ‘She looked so different when she talked about him.’
Sam drummed his fingers on the worktop. ‘She’s a dark horse your mum, eh?’
‘You’re telling me.’
‘And you say she’s never mentioned this Johnny before?’
‘Never. It’s weird, because she doesn’t know what day or year it is most of the time, so you’d think she would have at least talked about him before. But I’ve never even heard her mention his name.’
‘Maybe she just buried it away a long time ago. You know, if you tell yourself something is true enough times, your mind starts to believe it, so I guess it works with trying to deny something too.’
‘Perhaps. But it’s – how can this have happened? How can she have been so happy with this Johnny and feel like she settled for Dad? They always seemed like the happiest couple in the world.’
‘I know darling. But everyone’s a mystery really. I mean, look at me. I bet you don’t have a clue what I’m thinking most of the time.’
‘I usually assume you’re thinking about trying to find a hot young guy to sleep with.’
‘Fair point.’ He grinned and took a gulp of his drink. ‘But that’s not what’s really bothering you, is it? Your mum’s ex-boyfriend?’
There was a reason Sam was one of my best friends. I couldn’t lie to him about anything. I shook my head.
‘This is about Adam, right? He’s the reason you’re so rattled?’
I rubbed my hands over my face and groaned. ‘Oh God.’ I looked at him. ‘After I turned the song off, Mum told me I should never let Adam go because he’s the love of my life, the way Johnny was the love of hers, and to make sure I never settled for second best like… like she had.’ I could feel tears threatening and I blinked them back. ‘Why did Adam have to come back? Everything was just fine the way it was and now it’s all such a bloody mess.’
Sam grabbed my drink and walked to the sofa with it. ‘Erin, sit down.’ He patted the seat next him. I did as I was told and took my drink from him and held it while he topped it up. He leaned forward until he was so close I could see the changing colour of his eyes and the stubble on his chin. ‘I love you, Erin.’
‘I can feel a “but” coming…’
