I needed to be honest with her about how I was feeling. She was right. Communication was the only way we were going to work.
Mercifully, practice was short. We had a game that night, and I hoped Jess would come. I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t after how I treated her that morning. I decided to shoot her a text before I headed home. I also chugged a little Pepto Bismol to settle my furious digestive system.
I’m really sorry about this morning. I have some stuff to tell u. Wanna get lunch? Picnic on the beach?
Jessie Girl
Okay
Bring the blanket from the hall closet. It’s a good beach one. See u soon
* * *
Jessie got in my car in a sweatshirt and some leggings, looking winter beach day ready. Her hair was up in her usual half-bun,the rest of her short-ish hair left out. She was so goddamn cute.
“Hey,” I said, reaching for her hand before I put the car in gear. “I fucked up.”
“Yeah,” she sighed.
“I’m really sorry, Jessalyn. That wasn’t okay. I think I’m so afraid of losing this that I accidentally do stuff that would push you away.”
She was half turned to me in her seat, leaning her elbow on the console as she listened to me. She nodded. “Thank you for saying that. That’s the kind of honesty I meant. I know this isn’t easy for you, and I appreciate you trying to make it right.”
My heart jumped into my throat. “You’re willing to just... accept my apology?”
“I mean, I don’t like how you talked to me and stormed out when I was just trying to help you. That hurt. But I know this is all new for you, and I like you enough not to give up just because it’s not picture-perfect.”
I thought back to the fights I’d had with my friends over the years. The time I was especially mean to Guy about dating Kitty, and how they’re both still my friends today. My friends didn’t think in absolutes, and neither did Jessalyn. They were people who could see my flaws and still see the good in me, too. I felt that way about my friends and about Jessie.
It was just hard to believe that someone would see that in me. I’m a known fuck-up. I’ve seen what fans have said online when I choked in playoffs. And I’ve heard it firsthand from my dad.
Was she forgiving me too easily? Did she give Cole such easy outs? I didn’t want her being a pushover for me, but this felt like the wrong time to bring it up.
“I don’t like how I talked to you either.”
“I’ll be honest and say that if that became a pattern, you might have to worry about me leaving. I’ve put up with shit for too long.”
“Understood. I appreciate the second chance, Jessie.”
We watched each other, my thumb stroking over her hand.
“This is the hard stuff, but it’s what makes the good stuff, Ben. When you stop talking about this stuff, that’s when things fall apart.”
Up to that point, I’d just been some version of obsessed with Jessie. But in that moment, something way deeper started to take root. I had deep friendships, but I’d never experienced the depth of falling in love with a partner.
Was this what it felt like? Like flying without wings? Like the roller coaster never stops dropping? Like she’s made of liquid gold, shining in the sun and blinding in her beauty?
“Kiss for Daddy?”
“You’re ridiculous.” Jessie blushed and laughed before leaning in to kiss me.
I smirked at her. “I liked it when you called me that.”
Her dimple popped out. “Thought you might, since you called yourself that in the closet. And when you asked for a kiss.”
“I do want to be your Daddy though. I want to take care of you, Jessalyn.”
She gave a soft snort. “I don’t need a hero, Ben. I’m not a damsel in distress.”
