“Laura, I—” I couldn’t say more without crying, something I really didn’t have time to do.
“Aw, Benny. What happened?”
“He told me something really fucked up.”
“Like what?”
“Did you know? About Mom and Lori?” I didn’t want to just blab it if she didn’t know. I didn’t want her finding out like I did.
“What about them?”
“That they’re, you know, partners?”
Laura was quiet for a long while.
“It’s fucked up, right?”
“Benny,” she started. I could tell from her tone that I was the last to know.
“What the fuck! You knew? How long have you known?”
“Ben, it’s complicated,” she said.
“How. Long.”
“High school,” Laura said, “but don’t take it personally.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to not take it personally? Everyone else has known and I’ve just been stuck out here, because why? Because everyone thinks I’m some kind of bigot? Because I can’t handle the truth? Because Mom and Dad are both lying pieces of shit and no one wanted me to know?”
“Ben, that’s not fair. I caught Mom and Lori, ya know, doing stuff.”
“Easy for you to say it’s not fair. You’ve been lying to me. Pretending I was right whenever I said it was all Dad’s fault. Is this why Dad still comes to visit you? You two are so chummy?”
“I have kids, Ben. They deserve to know their grandfather. And their uncle, for that matter, but you’re always so busy,” Laura huffed.
“Oh, you want me to know your kids, but you don’t want me to know the truth about our parents? Fuck off, Laura.”
I hung up.
* * *
I was folded in half on the toilet, absolutely miserable, when my phone rang again. Jessie Girl. We hadn’t talked much about my stomach issues. She knew I needed Lactaid, but otherwise, I tried to hide it from her, using a different bathroom if I had an episode. I’d only had one rough day since we got together. I guess being happy is good for digestion or something. A few times I had bad gas in front of her, though I just laughed it off. One night, though, she did rub my arm and ask if I was okay. I should have told her. I was pretty sure she loved me. But it’s something I wish didn’t happen to me, and I wanted to shield her from the less savory parts of myself.
I let the call go to voicemail. I couldn’t deal with Jessie. I loved her, but I was reeling from my family drama. My parents and sister had been lying to me my whole life.
My mom and Aunt Lori were supposed to meet me after the game, too. I’d purposely put them after my meeting with my dad, because I don’t like dealing with the strained dynamic between my parents.
Why didn’t my mom feel like she could be out with me? Hockey isn’t known for being the most accepting sport, but I wasn’t part of that. It’s fine if people are gay. Why would Mom let me blame Dad all those years without bothering to correct me? I guess he had cheated at some point, but it seemed like that was water under the bridge. Mom let me think he was some serial cheater. Only recently had she asked me to forgive him, and that was without explanation.
And what kind of partner could I be if my own family didn’t trust me? How could I ever love someone if the only love I’d ever known was a lie?
My phone rang again a few minutes later. Jessie again.
I chose to answer. “Hello?”
Her voice was shaky and quiet. “Hey. Can you talk for aminute?”
“I’m kind of in the middle of something,” I said.
