Ugh. That had not been not the plan. I flopped down on my bed.
I wasn’t supposed to fall for my hot friend-turned-fake boyfriend. As good looking as he was, I genuinely likedhim. The more time I’d spent with him, getting to know him, getting to see a side of him that he didn’t show other people, I’d fallen deeper and deeper.
Memories of the night I’d stayed over with him in his bed rolled through my mind like a movie on a projector screen. Holding his hand while he told me about his parents and wrapping my arms around his large body while he cried—it all felt as fresh as it had a week and a half ago.
When he’d broken down in my arms, I’d felt both his hurt and his relief. I hated knowing he carried so much pain around with him all the time, keeping it locked up tight. I’d rubbed his back gently, wanting him to feel like he could cry as long as he needed, that I’d be there for him for as long as he wanted me.
Once he’d been able to calm down and had pulled back to look at me with watery eyes and an open, vulnerable expression, something had shifted between us. Or maybe it was just me who felt that way. He’d let me in, let me penetrate his walls that he’d been so adamant on keeping intact. Happiness and a sense of awe had flowed through me at the knowledge that he’d trusted me enough to share with me and show me a side of him that no one else got to see.
And when he’d kissed me…
A flush of heat raced across my skin at the memory. His hands on my body, his lips trailing kisses down my neck, and the weight of him on me had driven me crazy. I hadn’t wanted him to stop. And as bad or wrong as it had been, I would have gone all the way with him. Knowing that had me hurrying to rationalize what we’d done. I’d been too embarrassed to admit to him that I’d wanted him to keep going. It had been easier to brush it off as the result of heightened emotions. And when he’d agreed, I’d felt both disappointment and relief.
As much as I wanted Slate all up in my business, I didn’t want to lose him, and having sex would change our relationship. No matter how much I liked him, Slate wasn’t a commitment guy. I knew that. I hadn’t forgotten. Sure, there had been moments we’d had together while pretending that had made me wonder if he would be able to do this for real, but I had been quick to dismiss those thoughts. How many times had he and I had the same conversation about his womanizing lifestyle? He was adamant that he was content in his ways despite the fact that he was ignoring the real reason he chose to go from woman to woman. I had a sliver of hope that having said out loud that he feared ending up like his dad, too attached to a woman, was the real reason he kept himself from forming a deeper relationship, he would recognize being motivated by fear was no way to live your life.
A light knock sounded on my door before it slowly edged open.
My mom let herself halfway in. “Hi, sweetheart. Someone is at the door for you.”
I had assumed she had come up to tell me that dinner was ready, but she must have seen the puzzled look on my face because she added, “It’s Josh.”
Josh? What was he doing here? I figured he’d come home to be with his family, but why would he come to see me? We hadn’t spoken since that night at the Wolf’s Den when Slate and I had beaten him at pool.
I nodded and followed her out of my bedroom and down the stairs.
There he stood in our entryway with a sheepish look on his face. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I stopped a few feet in front of him, not sure what else to say.
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I was hoping we could talk.”
I couldn’t imagine about what. I felt we’d said it all. He hadn’t wanted to be with me anymore after we’d been together forever and I’d changed schools for him. What more needed to be said?
“Sure.” I turned, heading to the back door so we could talk in the back yard without listening ears.
Josh followed, and once we were outside on the patio, we sat, the awkwardness settling in.
He swallowed loudly. “So…how was your Thanksgiving?”
He was nervous, which I wasn’t used to seeing. His usually confident arrogance was absent.
“It was good. Same old, same old,” I said, wanting to move on to what he had really come here for. “But I’m guessing you didn’t come over to talk about Thanksgiving.”
He nodded slowly, looking out over the yard with its dying grass and trees with a few yellow and orange leaves still holding on. “Uh, yeah, I, uh, wanted to tell you something.Neededto tell you something,” he amended, his gaze returning to me.
I sat there waiting for him to go on.
“These past two and a half months,” he started, “have been the longest two and half months of my life. Not having you by my side, even with hundreds of miles between us, has been miserable. As hard as it was to have a long-distance relationship, I’d take that again over not being together at all. I miss you, Isla. I miss us.”
I’m sure I looked surprised at his words, because I was truly shocked. He couldn’t be serious. He’d been the one to break up with me, acting like it was no big deal and it had long been coming.
Finally shaking my head, I said, “I’m confused. Aren’t you with Lexi now?”
“No, Lexi and I never became a couple. I thought you knew that,” he answered. “I told you we were just friends.”
Just friends? That’s not how I remembered it. It had seemed like he’d broken up with me because of her.
Seeing my skeptical look, he said, “I promise. It’s always been you, Isla.”
