“Clothed!” His nostrils flared and he strode unwisely toward her. “Is this what you consider clothes, Julia?” He indicated the clinging shift with one expressive hand and let his eyes sweep down her body. “You might as well have removed that also and had two dry garments to put on whenyou came out of the water. What if a gardener had wandered this way?”
“He would have wandered another way again,” she said.
“And what if it were someone else from the house who had come?” he asked. “What if it were Freddie?”
“If it were Freddie,” she said, “he would have made some appreciative comments instead of hiding in the shadows, remarked on his good fortune, and flirted with me.”
“Flirted.” The word was spoken quietly. He was so furious that his anger could not even show itself openly without taking him entirely beyond control. He would do her some violence if he did not keep his temper tightly reined.“Do you have any conception of what form that flirtationwould take, Julia?”
“Do you?” She laughed at him and raised the towel to rub at one side of her hair.
“You would no longer be wearing that shift,” he said. “You would no longer be standing upright. You would nolonger be in possession of either your virtue or your virginity, Julia. If you are still in possession of either, that is.”
Her hand stilled and color rushed to her face. “You become offensive,” she said. “I believe you should apologize for that, Daniel.”
“My God, woman,” he said, his fists clenched tightly at his sides, “do you have no understanding of life at all? Orof men?”
“Yes,” she said, and he could see from the flashing of her eyes that she too was now angry. “Yes, I understandmen, Daniel. Some men anyway. I understand that they candesire what they hate and despise. I understand that theycan accuse other men of doing what they would like to dothemselves. You would like to ravish me, wouldn’t you,Daniel? But of course the thought horrifies you becauseyou are the very proper Earl of Beaconswood. And so allthe wrong must be mine. There is nothing improper in myswimming here early in the morning, but because you haveseen me here and because you have desired me, then I mustbe a wanton. Perhaps even a whore.”
He kept his hands in tight fists. He thought his knuckles would crack. “Have you ever heard of a tease?” he askedher. “Women were made to be desired by men, Julia. Thusis the human race perpetuated. A woman who bares herbody to a man’s gaze must expect that he will want to puthimself inside her.” Color rushed back into her cheeks.“There is nothing shameful in his desire, only in what hedoes with that desire. You are fortunate that you have beencaught this morning by one who can control it.”
“Ah,” she said, “and so you are exonerated. A man to be admired. A man with self-control and a conscience. Theblame shifts back to me. So be it, then. But you still oweme an apology.”
“Julia.” He reached out and grasped one of her wrists. Her flesh was cold. “Be more careful. You are no longer achild to be living the life of a hoyden. You are a woman. Alady. Don’t invite this sort of scene with another man. Hemight be less scrupulous.”
“Like Freddie?” she said. “You denied me a kiss from him last evening. I wanted him to kiss me. I am that muchof a wanton, you see, Daniel. I am twenty-one years oldand I wanted to be kissed. Dreadful is it not?”
He ought not to have touched her. He could feel warmth from his hand seep into her wrist. He could warm her bodytoo if he held her tightly against him, if he rubbed his handshard up and down her back, if he first of all peeled off thewet shift, if he gave her the heat of his mouth. His thoughtsworked independently of his will. He dropped her wrist.
“You little fool,” he said. “You do not realize how much you play with fire by encouraging Freddie, Julia. Do youthink you could be happy with a gambler and a womanizer?”
“Perhaps I can reform him.” She smiled at him.
“Women do not reform men,” he said. “Those who marry in that expectation end up miserably unhappy. Freddie is personable and charming and apparently very attractive to women, Julia. But you would make the biggestmistake of your life if you married him.”
“And do you care?” she asked him. “Why would you, Daniel? If I am not a lady and am without virtue and without—without virginity, why would it matter to you whom Imarry?”
“My uncle loved you and treated you like a granddaughter,” he said. “I grew up thinking of you as a cousin. I have to feel the same sort of concern for you as I do for anyother member of my family. I feel responsible for you,Julia.”
“Don’t.” She snapped the word. “I am not your responsibility, Daniel, and I thank providence for that. My choices are very limited. I may choose to marry one of four men ifthey all offer—Freddie already has in so many words. Or Imay choose to go to my uncle in the north of England. Or Imay choose to seek a post as a governess or teacher orcompanion. Actually not so limited. I have choices. I willmake them myself. Without help from anyone. Least of allyou. Do you understand me? You may take your damnablestuffy sense of responsibility and shove it in the lake or anyother place of your choice, Daniel. I am cold. Like a blockof ice. I would like to dry off and change into my dress ifyou please. Or do you want to stand and watch?”
He gazed hard at her for several moments and then turned without another word and strode away. He shouldhave been feeling relief. She had just done what she hadevery right to do. She had spurned his help and absolvedhim from any sense of family responsibility toward her.She had chosen to carve out her own destiny. Or her owndoom.
He should have been able to free his mind and his conscience of her and turn to the prospect of a pleasant, if perhaps slightly tedious, month spent with his family. He should have been able to turn his mind to Blanche againand plan what he would do about her when he was finallyfree to leave Primrose Park. The thought of Blanche shouldhave made his heart leap with gladness.
But his heart was still beating at not quite normal rate and his groin was still aching. And he could not rid hismind of the image of Freddie finding Julia as he had foundher.And of Freddie touching her as he had wanted to touchher. And peeling off her shift and laying her down on thegrass and penetrating her body with his and taking pleasurefrom her. As he had wanted to do.
God but she was beautiful. And desirable. And everything he most despised in a lady. Shewasno lady. If she were a courtesan, he would employ her. He would keep heras his mistress until he had had his fill of her. Not that hewas in the habit of keeping mistresses or even availing himself of the services of a whore with any great frequency.But if Julia were on the market, he would buy.
The direction of his thoughts horrified him. Good God! She might be no lady, but she was very far from being theother. And to think of himself buying and using her services was sickening. He could only despise himself forsuch thoughts. He turned his steps toward the stables as hecame out from among the trees. Perhaps he needed thatbrisk ride after all.
He remembered suddenly that he had not apologized to her. He had as good as called her a fallen woman and hehad not apologized. He felt renewed anger against her forprovoking him into such an unpardonable indiscretion.
Julia, he thought. So wild. And so dangerously innocent.
When Julia emerged from her room at a very decorous nine o’clock in the morning, she was relieved to find thebreakfast room full of family members. They were in themidst of planning a picnic for the afternoon. Julia fell inwith the plans with enthusiasm.
“The lake would be pleasant,” Aunt Millie was saying. “There would be trees to shelter us and grass to sit on. Andit is not too far to walk.”
