“We can stroll to the lake anytime, though, Millie,” Aunt Roberta said. “How about the hill?”
“Too steep,” Uncle Henry said. “All the food would have to be carried up by foot. We would do better to keep that inmind for a walk or a ride some other day.”
“What about Culver Castle?” Julia suggested. “We always had splendid picnics there when we were children. It was one of Grandpapa’s favorite places.”
Aunt Millie raised a handkerchief to her eyes. “Poor dear Humphrey,” she said. “He would have liked nothing betterthan to be surrounded by his family and to be going on apicnic.”
“It certainly does not seem right to see everyone dressed in colors again,” Aunt Sarah said. “I must censureHumphrey for having put that in his will. It is not proper.”
“But we would die of the heat today,” Julia said, “if wehad to wear black outdoors.”
“We would not even be going out on a picnic,” Aunt Sarah pointed out, “if we were in proper mourning, Julia,dear. Daniel should have used his authority as head of thefamily and decided against our following Humphrey’s instructions. I am sure he could not have been in his rightmind when he wrote that particular part of the will. Mr.Prudholm should have talked him out of it.”
Daniel, Julia had been relieved to see as soon as she had stepped into the breakfast room, was not there.
“Culver Castle sounds wonderful, Jule,” Stella said. “Do you remember how we used to climb up to the battlements?I suppose the stairways are crumbling even more now thanthey used to.”
“And how we boys used to descend to the dungeons,” Augustus said. “One hundred and thirty-two steps.”
“And me,” Julia said. “I always used to go down too.” Augustus smiled at her a little uncomfortably. “And soyou did too, Jule,” he said. “You were always one of thefellows.”
“But she is a lady now,” Aunt Sarah said firmly. “And I think that we all must see the castle only as a picturesquesite for a picnic and not as something to be romped over.You are none of you children any longer.”
Augustus pulled a face when Aunt Sarah turned her head away and grinned at Julia. The first natural smile he had exchanged with her since the reading of the will the afternoonbefore.
“Culver Castle it is, then,” Uncle Raymond said, getting to his feet “I’ll see that the carriages are ordered out for theladies.”
“And I’ll see Cook about the food,” Aunt Eunice said. “Come with me, Millie?”
“Oh, I suppose so, dear,” Aunt Millie said, flustered. “But Cook will be cross to have her day’s plans upset. Oh, Ido so hate it when she is cross.” She pushed back her chairreluctantly.
Frederick winked at her. “Go to it Aunt Millie,” he said. “Go and give them hell in the kitchen.”
“Freddie, dear,” Aunt Millie said, shocked.
“Freddie!” his father said sternly.
Frederick chuckled.
Julia traveled in one of the barouches. Normally she would have insisted on riding with the men, and even todayshe watched them with envy as she sat demurely betweenCamilla and Aunt Sylvia. Sometimes she wondered whatmalevolent fate had decided that she would be female atbirth since her inclination was for the freedom and uninhibited physical activity that only men enjoyed. But then if shewere not female she would be unable to look appreciativelyat men without being guilty of some heinous sin.
And men really were splendid creations, she thought. Far more splendid than women. All muscle and hardness instead of feminine softness. At least the better exampleswere. Like Freddie. And even Gussie. She had never reallythought of Gussie as a man before, only as a cousin andclose friend. But he was good-looking in his own way—hisown very distinctive way. His face would be lined withlaugh creases before he was forty, of course, and his veryfair hair would be curly and unruly until he began to lose itas he inevitably would within the next ten years or so.Uncle Paul was almost completely bald. Gussie had a graceful man’s body even if he was not very tall.
Of course he could never match Freddie in splendor. Or Daniel either. Daniel was one of the picnickers, of course.She had been a little disappointed when she saw him, but itwould have been strange if he had not come. Everyone elsehad, and Daniel was nothing if not meticulous about familyduty.
Yes, he was a very handsome man too, she admitted grudgingly. And attractive, she thought even more grudgingly. She had wanted him that morning. The thought, verbalized in her mind in just those words, shocked her.Wantedhim? She had wanted him to kiss her. The troublewith Daniel was that he was always at his most attractivewhen he was angry. And he had been very angry when hehad stridden across the grass to stand in front of her. Angryat himself as much as at her, she had guessed. There hadbeen something rather erotic in the contrast between his immaculately dressed person and her woefully undressed one.
She had wanted more than a kiss. Julia shivered despite the warmth of the day and the press of bodies in thecrowded barouche. She had wanted to feel his hands on her.It was a dreadful admission. She had never wanted such athing before nor ever thought to want more than kissesfrom a man. Even the desire for kisses had sometimes madeher feel sinful. What had he said? His words had shockedher so much—as they had been meant to do—that she hadsuppressed the memory of them. What were they? Something about any man seeing her like that and wanting to puthimself inside her.
Julia could feel her cheeks flame and twirled her parasol. She could feel an uncomfortable ache and throbbing between her legs, as she had felt then. She had wanted him—Oh, dear, she might as well complete the thought since noone but she would know it and she could not hide it fromherself anyway. She had wanted him to put himself there.
The marriage act. At least she supposed that was what he had meant and what she had wanted. The joining of twobodies. The type of intimacy that had always made her uneasy before whenever she thought of it and made her shyaway from the thought of marriage. She did not want anyone being familiar or intimate with her body—not withmore than her lips anyway.
“A penny for them, Jule,” Susan said from the seat opposite.
“Youareunnaturally quiet, Julia,” Aunt Sylvia said.
“Oh,” she said. “Nothing. Just dreaming.”Just wondering what it would be like to have Daniel inside me.She could feel color and heat flood her cheeks.
