I gave him a little wave and started to walk away, and as I did so he spoke, quietly saying, ‘But I love you.’
I pretended I hadn’t heard.
* * *
The next day, at lunchtime, the doorbell rang again.
‘Ooh!’ Wayne said. ‘More flowers. Just what we need!’
‘Shut it, Wayne!’ I said, exiting the room.
‘Get him to send chocolates or something useful,’ he called out as I opened the door. ‘Or bog roll. We’re almost out of bog roll, so get him to send some of that!’
On the doorstep I found not a delivery guy with flowers, but Billy holding his crash helmet. I stifled a gasp.
‘Hi, I was, er, wondering if we could talk?’ The sunlight was making his blond curls shimmer and he looked as beautiful as ever. Just looking at him gave me a strange fluttery feeling deep in my chest. It felt a lot like hunger.
‘Sure,’ I said. ‘Come up.’
‘Which one is it this time?’ Wayne called out as we climbed the stairs.
Billy glanced back at me enquiringly but I just shook my head. ‘Ignore him,’ I said. ‘He’s in his own stupid world.’
We sat at opposite ends of the bed, cross-legged. I thought about how much I wanted to have sex with him and then forced myself to think about Siobhan until the feeling faded.
‘So, how have you been?’ Billy asked.
‘Fine,’ I said, avoiding eye contact. ‘You know…’
‘You haven’t missed me?’ he asked.
I shrugged.
‘Not even a bit?’
I nodded vaguely. ‘Maybe a bit,’ I said.
‘I wrote a song,’ he said. ‘About us.’
‘Oh,’ I said. ‘OK.’ I wanted to ask to hear it, but I didn’t.
‘It’s over, by the way. That thing with Siobhan.’
‘Over?’ I repeated. It hadn’t really crossed my mind that the thing with Siobhan was a thing. I’d assumed it was a one-off event rather than an ongoing process that could be over.
‘Yeah. Flash in the pan, really. She told me to sod off this morning. She’s gone back to Jake.’
‘A week,’ I said, staring at my fingernails. ‘You’ve been seeing her all week.’
‘Yeah. On and off.’
‘OK.’
‘More on than off, I s’pose. It was hot. Till this morning it was, at any rate.’
‘That’s nice.’
‘Yeah. While it lasted, it was.’
