I ignored her and licked my finger before dipping it in the sugar bowl.
‘Was it fun, though?’ she asked, then, ‘Please don’t do that.’
‘No, Mum,’ I said, sucking my finger. ‘No, it was not fun. And I wish you hadn’t let me go.’
Mum raised an eyebrow. ‘Hardlymyresponsibility,’ she said. ‘I can barely look after myself.’
‘True enough,’ I said. Then, to avoid any further questions, I went upstairs to run a bath.
As I lay there flicking at the suds, I couldn’t help but compare my night with Rob with all the other nights I’d spent with Billy. Sex with Billy had certainly been on a whole different level, but Rob’s ineptitude actually made me feel an unexpected warmth for him. Was that pity or perhaps empathy I was feeling? Billy was so confident, so exciting, so sexy and full of himself, but in a way wasn’t that precisely Billy’s problem? Whereas Rob? Well, he was a mirror-image opposite – so unsure of himself and so inexperienced he’d do anything and everything to make you like him. I thought, absurdly, of how good that cheese on toast had been and how he’d run back to the shop for sugar. As an antidote, I compared my Patti Smith moment at Billy’s with Rob blasting out Bananarama. I shook my head at the endearing hopelessness of Rob, and the thought made me smile. Then I switched to thinking about the fact I’d lost my hold on biker/musician/sex-machine Billy and felt sad. Perhaps hehadbeen out of my league all along.
The flowers arrived during lunch and, to my horror, it was Wayne who answered the door. ‘Dawney!’ he called out, camply. ‘Dawneeeeeey! I think this one is for you.’
I groaned and levered myself from my chair. Mum looked at me enquiringly, so I shrugged by way of reply.
Beyond the open front door, a young delivery guy was waiting, holding a bunch of red roses.
‘Looks like Dawney has a new fan,’ Wayne said. ‘Unless it’s for a funeral, maybe? In which case, I suppose it could be more of a warning kind of thing.’
I rolled my eyes and pushed him back toward the dining room before forcing a fake smile for the delivery guy as I signed for the flowers. Before returning to join the others, I lingered in the hallway just long enough to take a peek at the card.
I think you’re amazing!!!
With the thought,If only they were from Billy, my heart sank, because I could tell from the number of exclamation marks they weren’t.
The flowers continued all week. Every day a fresh bunch of roses would appear with another one-liner ending in exclamation marks. ‘I need to see you again!!!’ ‘You’re so beautiful!!!’ ‘Please, please can I see you again!!!’
By Thursday it was clear that something needed to be done, and I found him outside his flat next to his van. He had spread the contents with mathematical neatness across the pavement and was methodically loading it all back in.
‘Oh, hello!’ he said brightly, when I tapped on the roof.
‘The flowers have got to stop,’ I told him.
His smile faded. ‘I’m just organising the van,’ he said. ‘I have to do it regularly, otherwise I spend all my time looking for things.’
‘Did you hear me, Rob?’ I asked. ‘The flowers. They have to stop.’
He started clipping screwdrivers to a tool-board that had the silhouette of each tool drawn round a clip.
‘Rob?’ I prompted.
‘OK, but why?’ he said.
‘Because it’s embarrassing. Because I have a boyfriend called Billy, who’ll go crazy if he sees them.’
Rob nodded. ‘You’re back together, then?’ he asked, without looking at me.
‘Yeah,’ I said, and I wondered if it was a lie. ‘Actually, we never split up.’
‘Oh,’ Rob said. ‘OK.’
‘So, no more flowers, OK?’
He shrugged.
‘Rob!’ I said, and he turned to me again, looking almost as if he was going to cry. ‘Just let me finish this and I’ll make you a coffee or something,’ he said.
I snorted. ‘No, Rob,’ I said. ‘Just no. I’m going to go home now. So just, you know…’
