“Let me know if you need a break,” Jill continued, leaning in closer to him. “I can have Mark take over for you?—”
I turned around before Jonah could respond to her. My heart was beating fast as I walked off to find a seat near the podium. I kept my eyes on the floor, feeling my cheeks heat and hoping no one could see the shock on my face.
She had leaned in to Jonah, at work. The ease with which she’d done that meant …
The emcee, smiling broadly, began to speak. “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to Altika’s Annual Excellence Awards Ceremony.”
I watched as Jonah strode up to the podium, passing mere inches from me, his expression unreadable. Jill edged closer to the stage, admiration evident on her face as she followed Jonah’s movements. Had they hooked up recently?
I looked away, my heart beating dismally as my emotions went all over the place, and I turned around quickly. The office employee awards party was supposed to be a quick thing, nothing fancy, and I couldn’t wait to get back home.
When Jonah managed to crack a smile at a loud cheer from Jill in the front row, a twinge of envy stabbed at me.
I’d pushed him away, I’d told him we needn’t be meeting anymore, and I still couldn’t stand the sight of the woman next to him. I couldn’t believe that the sight of her, sharing those knowing laughs, soaking up Jonah’s full attention, would affect me the way it had.
I turned sideways.Breathe, I reminded myself. I was just another person in the sea of faces, and just like the evening I’d seen him at the break room, this event would get over like I wasn’t even there.
Steeling myself, I froze when I heard Jonah call for attention.
“I need someone to help me hand out the prizes,” Jonah began, looking at my row. My cheeks flamed as his gaze passed over me.
Under the gaze of a hundred pairs of eyes, Jonah stubbornly ignored me and zeroed in on Jill. I held on longest, eyes burning with a plea he simply couldn’t see. Giving up, I stared down at my plate, dumbfounded, until I realized that sitting this close to the stage wouldn’t help.
“I’m good at this.” Jill rushed breathlessly to the stage while the emcee continued speaking, his words passing over my head like gibberish.
I took my chance and got up, heading back to where Stacey sat before Jonah could make me feel worse. I felt his eyes tracking me as I walked away, and when I reached her, she made room with a look of concern after seeing my anxiety.
“Everything okay?” she whispered as the emcee continued to speak.
“Yes. I just … wasn’t feeling good,” I whispered back.
She handed me a cookie. “Here, you look like you need it,” she said, her gaze going to my empty hands. “Where’s your pizza?”
I looked around, realizing that I’d left my plate and iced tea back at the front row.
“Go back and get it,” she whispered while the emcee spoke into the microphone.
“Nah, I’m not hungry anymore,” I told Stacey.
I checked my watch. It was four forty-five p.m., and I didn’t want to stay here. Watching Jill help Jonah with the awards, seeing her fingers touch his arm every time he handed one out, sent pangs of jealousy through me. I hated the kind of woman I was becoming.
“I think I’ll call it an early night,” I said, whispering to Stacey. In addition to wanting to distance myself from Jonah, I’d been feeling a little off all day, and now the itch at the back of my throat was more pronounced.
I longed to get home, curl up with a bowl of soup, and forget about Jonah. I hated being here with all my conflicting emotions and my brain trying to make sense of it and achieving nothing. I didn’t want to be in Jonah’s or Jill’s vicinity anymore.
“There’s alcohol later, you know that, right?” Brian asked from the other side.
I gave him a wry smile. “I’ll pass,” I told him, getting up and giving him a quick hug goodbye before quietly leaving the room.
Only when the door closed behind me and the sounds of the crowd, and Jonah’s voice became a low, distant murmur did I breathe out. I’d seen the real Jonah before. I’d seen hints of him the very first night I slept with him. The man back there wasn’t the real Jonah. This was the facade he preferred people to see, maybe even believed himself. But the real Jonah was nothing like the jerk he was being in there.
I didn’t belong there,I told myself. It was better to go somewhere I was actually wanted and welcomed. Evie would be thrilled to see me earlier than usual.
39
LEXI
Evie and I spent the entire subway ride trying to decide what to order for dinner. In the end, we settled for a Panera Bread delivery.
