Checking in at the military station, we fill out the books for visitors into the ruins. Then we lose ourselves in the ancient history of Belize. We see all the sites in Caracol and learn about the ruins and the customs. Ivory makes fun of me when I read all the plaques like I’ve done at all the other landmarks. She takes a million pictures of everything around us. Capturing every single second of it, including me acting like a total nerd. The awkwardness from before is gone. We’re Ives and Preston again. I’m glad we can easily bounce back after talking about such heavy topics.
It’s a testament to the foundation we have been building over the past two months. If this is going to work, we need to be able to have tough conversations and not let it tear us apart.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Ivory
Propping the laptop on some pillows, I settle against the headboard to video call Gabrielle and Taylor. My life is always busy. I’m accustomed to being away from home so I’m not homesick, but I do miss my friends. I need their advice more than ever. It’s too much for me to handle on my own. I need to talk through this.
Preston raised a lot of good points today on our trip. Scrolling through my phone, I look at all the pictures of our adventures and the pictures of us together at various places along the way. In every one, I am either laughing, smiling or kissing him.
I like who I am with him. I like how he sees me. Preston's right. I can’t let it control my life anymore. If I’m going to share personal aspects of my life, I need to be able to share all of it. I don’t need to be afraid of the backlash or the media storm waiting for me when I get home. I want to keep Preston in my life, so I need to figure out how to do thiswithhim. I don’t want to keep him a secret. It’s not fair to me. It’s definitely not fair to him, and it’s not good for us.
A different picture catches my eye as I move through the ones from today. Preston’s arm, clad in a black hair tie, is restingon my thigh. His fingers are tucked slightly around the inside of my thigh as his large palm spans half of my thigh. My skin prickles from the memory of the gentle caress of his thumb on my bare skin. His hand was strong and sure in the way it held me. It was a familiar touch. Like we have been taking road trips together for years. I trace the full picture. The view out the windshield of the jungle around us. The way the sun hangs in the sky like it’s almost shining a spotlight on his hand. The way his hand looks rough and strong against my smooth golden skin and the edge of the shorts I was wearing. It’s a man’s hand and I love that. Preston is all man.
In a split second decision, I decide to post it to my stories on the social media app. It will automatically delete in twenty-four hours. Logically, I know that it will cause a frenzy. Proof that I am, in fact, with a man on this trip. It’ll be screenshot within seconds. News outlets will probably pick it up by morning and there will be sordid headlines everywhere.
But in this moment, I don’t care about any of that. I love the picture and I want to share it. I want to feel it out and see what will happen. But I know better than to show anything else about Preston. He won’t be safe. I won’t subject him to this madness no matter how comfortable he says he is with it. They all say that but when it actually hits the headlines, it’s too much.
I don’t add anything to the picture. No text. No emoji. No gif. Nothing. Just upload the picture and close out the app.
The line connects and I’m greeted with Gabrielle and Taylor’s faces on the screen. Tay is in my office in my condo in Santa Monica. Gabby is reclined on her couch in Nashville with a glass of wine. She only drinks red wine when she’s stressed and that glass is filled to the brim so something must be going on in her world. Can’t wait to figure out what that is. Tay looks like she’s drinking a martini but she is still working which I guess makes sense because she’s a couple hours behind us.
“Hello,” they both say in unison.
“I think I’m falling in love with him,” I blurt out. I don’tmean to greet them like that. Instead of being met with shocked expressions, both my friends laugh at me.
“Well, of course you’re in love with him,” Gabby speaks first.
“That isn’t entirely news,” Tay tacks on.
“What do you mean this isn’t news? How do you know?”
Gabrielle narrows her eyes. “Do you want me to make a list?” She takes a sip of wine, but before I can respond or Taylor can say anything else, Gabby holds up a hand. Starting with her pointer finger, she indicated the number one. “One. You met his parents. Two”—a second finger goes up—“you have smiled more with him than I have seen in years. Three. He’s all you can talk about. Four. Have you looked at him? He’s hot as fuck” I love her for that. I can’t help my chuckle. She unfolds the last finger to indicate five fingers and waves her hand. “Five. You posted a picture of his hand on social media. You never do that.”
“I literally just posted that—” I start, but Taylor cuts me off.
“You have been feeling this guy since before you even left the island resort. I’m surprised it’s taken you this long to admit your feelings for him. Have you told him how you feel?”
“Not in so many words.”
“That means no,” Gabby interjects.
“I mean I’ve hinted at it.”
“Hinted how?” Taylor leans back in the office chair and crosses her arms.
“Well, I told him that I care about him.” Before they can say anything else, I hold up a finger like it helps make my point. “And that I want to take it one day at a time. I want to see where it goes between us. I just haven’t shared all of my actual feelings with him.”
“And why is that?” Gabrielle asks
“Because she’s scared,” Taylor responds for me.
“I am not.” I don’t even sound convincing to myself. I don’t know why I even try with these two, they know me better than I know myself.
“Nice try,” Gabby butts in. “Why are you scared? Preston is agreat guy. If I only knew him by what I’ve heard about him in the league, I would say the same, but after hearing your stories about him and seeing how he treats you while you’ve been together down there, he’s a perfect catch. Why are you so scared?”
“Because what if it’s only a matter of the situation? We’re trapped in this happy little bubble together. Don’t get me wrong, everything about it is perfect but what happens when we leave Belize? The bubble is going to burst and the media attention is going to be ridiculous. I don’t want to drag him down into that. Can you imagine what the headlines are going to say?”
