My own breath caught in my throat.
What the fuck? Why was she crying?
Did something happen at dinner? Did my parents fucking do something? Did Sebastian call and tell her what I said, warning her away from me?
Should I go in? Explain myself?
So many fucking questions.
I faltered, desperate to give her privacy but more desperate to comfort and soothe her.
“Thanks, Xavier,” she said just as I was reaching for the door handle, and all of the blood left my face.
Who the fuck was Xavier?
“I love you and I’ll speak to you tomorrow.” Her voice barely audible through the wood yet deafening all the same.
Did shehave a boyfriend? Someone she fucking loved?
This whole time I’d been thinking about her, wondering if she felt it too, and I’d never even considered she was seeing someone. Hadn’t even thought to ask, too blinded by everything she was.But why wouldn’t she? She was a fucking knock out – beautiful, smart and kind – of course she had a boyfriend.
And his name was Xavier. I hated him already.
A cold rush of ice water flooded my system, my beating heart as rapid as a countdown. It didn’t matter that I liked her, that she was everything I never knew I needed or that she’d kissed me back.
Oh, fuck.
MaybeIwas the reason she was crying. Had I forced her to kiss me back? To betray her partner and now she was living with that guilt. I was a selfish piece of shit.
This whole time she belonged to someone else.
Shelovedsomeone else.
And it was with a hard dose of nausea-inducing reality I walked back the way I came. I couldn’t listen to her tell someone else she loved them again, not after I’d already been reminded how worthless I was and how I was never going to be good enough for her.
A fucking boyfriend. I couldn’t believe it.
There was no chance I was going to be able to fucking sleep anytime soon now. And staying here would only lead me to the bottom of a bottle.
COOPER
Anything going?
Marcus’ reply bounced through before I’d even put my helmet on. An affirmation I knew would follow because I never approached him for a fight unless I was in a dark place. And the darkness brought with it a fury which led to money in his pocket.
Win fucking win.
Drying my face, I winced at what I knew was going to be a visible reminder of the brutal contest last night. This time, there wouldbe no disguising the evidence of my unchecked focus. A rare fucking moment of distraction which came from spotting Sebastian among the crowd of the boozed and filthy punters desperate to win some money or watch savagery in the flesh. He’d been discreet, but after our argument earlier where he told me he knew about the place, I was on alert. When I finally got to him after the match, he admitted he often followed me down here when calls went unanswered but never approached. It was also apparent Marcus knew who he was and hadn’t ever bothered to tell me - fucking prick.
But actually seeing him there had come with such shock, my focus slipped long enough for my opponent to catch me on the chin and then the eyebrow. Seb’s regular mask was firmly affixed as he watched, only a shadow of concern behind his eyes reminding me of another Micallef who utilised that practised expression. And that came with a bucket load of reminders I wasn’t in the space to navigate. With a dose of chin jarring reality, I finished the fight not long after, making my challenger regret the couple of shots he landed.
Marcus was thrilled and the crowd went ballistic when he fell to the floor – the fight reflecting the reputation I’d earned. It wasn’t a good one, but it was mine. Something I’d created through years of entering the fire without a care for the burn. I was fast and accurate, two things you wanted when fighting, but more than that, I was undefeated. And when the ferocious mist of pain was coating my mind, there was no limit to the savagery I could bestow. In the dirty world of illegal fighting, I was a wanted man and Marcus fucking ate that shit up. I walked away with a wad full of cash I didn’t need and another line next to my name, while he had a list a mile long of wannabes who wished to be the first person to take me down.
Only, unlike them, I didn’t fight for glory.
I’d won the fight, but there were times when I saw the look of excitement in my competitor.
Like tonight. For a split second, he’d had a chance and onlymy experience had bested him. He was young and quick and climbing through the ranks of a no rules slaughterhouse by eliciting bruises and broken bones. Most of which I tended to avoid, but for how long.
