It was a compulsion I’d collected as a lonely teenager from someone who knew my father and thus my emotionally unhinged alter ego was born. My father didn’t know I fought, he probably wouldn’t have cared either way, but when his business associate offered me a heap of coin and told me it was something my parents could never know, at nineteen it was the act of rebellion I was seeking. They didn’t notice me anyway, but knowing I could do something they would hate was too exciting to refuse.
Only that was fifteen years ago, and I hadn’t stopped.
Slowed down – yes – but never stopped.
At the beginning of each new year, I told myself I was done. That I would find a healthier coping mechanism to manage my unresolved anger. Or maybe I’d finally just tell my parents to fuck off and be done with it. That never lasted though and soon enough I was reminded of how little they thought of me, and before long I’d be back in the ring creating a new foe. All it took was an argument with them and I fought. I was weak, I knew this, but it was the one thing that could simmer my anger. Only last night, I’d fought for a different reason. There was someone else who apparently had the same hold on me, who impacted me enough to erode my resolve.
Realising Evangeline had a boyfriend, that there was someone out there who could touch her for real, was enough to send a fresh wave of heat through me and tipped me over the edge. And having Sebastian bear witness to the person I became when in that mindset, didn’t make me feel any better. He’d disappeared by the time I returned from out back after I’d grabbed my stuff, sending me a message to accompany the voicemail I’d missed, but I hadn’t replied.
What was there to say? Maybe too much to say…
The life story of Cooper Dane consisted of those around me worrying I’d fuck everything up. After eight years, my parents still openly doubted my ability to run the distillery and now my best mate doubted my intentions with his sister.
It was a knock that startled me out of my pity party, and I wrapped my towel around my waist, reefing open the bedroom door. Those clear eyes which haunted the two hours of sleep I was able to muster, slid down my body and I clenched my jaw both in frustration and to stop myself from reaching for her.
Her pupils sparkled in a way that said she liked what she saw. That she’d forgotten she wasn’t single. The unmasked desire she wore like a sucker punch, winding me worse than the couple of hits I took last night. I itched to pull her into me and breathe her in. Itched to demand answers for why she kissed me back, but only once I had my fingers buried deep inside her and it was my name falling from that mouth.
“Umm, sorry, I thought you’d slept in. I can meet you at work if you want?” She stared at my face, her eyes narrowed in on my eyebrow. I should apologise and tell her to go ahead without me, keep my distance and maintain professional boundaries from here on out to protect both her and me. Although, I always was a sucker for fucking punishment.
“I’ll be out in five,” I mumbled dismissively, catching the shadow of shock across her before I closed the door, the apology I should have offered, left unsaid.
CHAPTER 20
Eva
“No thinking, just respond,” I snapped, the minute Xavier answered with a voice indicating he was not as awake as I was. “Did he wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Is he a dick of massive proportions or am I a woeful kisser who should have known better than to hope for round two?”
“Okay, Sherlock Holmes, rewind…” Xavi replied, his sleep-rough voice already sharpening with awareness.
“Fuck! Why do I do this?” I whispered, conscious Cooper could walk out at any second.
“Firstly, your profanities are profaniting lately and I’m texting Judy Babes as we speak to let her know how much money you owe. Secondly, are your questions rhetorical, or…”
“Do not message her!” There wasn’t much heat to my reply, all my energy wasted on trying to decipher what happened within the last twelve hours. What had changed after the heat and lust of our kiss, plus the reason behind the split eyebrow and a bruise Cooper wore across his jaw.
Have your fun and do her a favour or whatever this little project is…
His father’s remark that I was an inconvenience elicited a sickening swirl in my stomach. What I thought was a kiss worthy ofmemorialisation last night, a moment I’d dreamed about for years, didn’t appear to have the same effect on him judging by the distrustful scowl of his brows when he’d opened his door this morning.
“Too late.” Xavi silenced, and I raked a hand through my hair in frustration. If Mum knew I was swearing, she was going to ring demanding I tell her what was bothering me, or worse, she would send Sebastian, and my brother was the very last person I wanted to discuss this with.
“Tell her you were lying, and I’ll let you come over for a visit soon.” It was the only thing I knew would get an immediate acquiescence given how desperate he was to meet my dickhead roommate.
“Done.” The smug satisfaction made me smirk.
“I hate you,” I whispered, hearing the distinct sound of a door closing. “I’ve got to go, I’ll message you.”
“What was the point in even calling me if you weren’t going to tell me everything? I need more info so call me back, Evalicious.” The grin in his voice was frustrating.
Pushing my phone into the back pocket of my jeans, I reached for the two keep cups, one holding my mint tea and the other a coffee for Cooper. There was no time for breakfast and with how late we already were, it was going to be a long day. One I’d been looking forward to only minutes ago but now was making me feel queasy. When he wasn’t here when I came home from dinner, I was mildly disappointed, but only because I’d spent the drive home wanting to tell him how ridiculous the girls had been. Share all their questions, the way they nearly pulled my arm from its socket and their reactions to my ring.
I’d stirred when the familiar rumble of his bike pulled in the drive and a quick check of my phone told me it was well after two am. Thoughts of where he’d been or with who, unearthing a cold uncertainty. I had no right to ask, to know the comings and goings of his life, but some part of me hoped that kiss changed things. Perhaps it was the beginning of something more.
Instead, I’d awoken to my alarm still feeling hopeful and when I’d built the courage to knock on his door this morning, his steely countenance was proof I’d gotten ahead of myself. Possibly by a few miles if his bruised face and abrasive greeting was anything to go by. And when he walked right by me like I wasn’t even there, the door closing with a soft click, I was left holding a drink he didn’t want and a fresh reminder that I was an absolute idiot.
An idiot who needed to swallow my childish crush and realise that maybe he really was just an arse-hat. Since arriving, I hadn't once felt uncomfortable being here. I’d been welcomed in a way which made knowing I was only here for a short time difficult to stomach. Until today.
Now, I wished I could melt into the wall and disappear. I wished I could rewind the clock an hour and head into work earlier, none the wiser that I’d not only misread last night but avoided Coop’s sultry demeanour. It’s not like I planned to host a breakfast conversation around whether kissing my fiancé was going to lead to more, but I’d woken with a level of excitement that hadn't been there the day before. And it had been extinguished quicker than it lasted.
