“Maybe,” I said, intentionally evasive. I wasn’t ready to share details about the ruthless fury in Cooper’s voice when he gritted,I will never be done with her. A statement not meant for me and said to maintain a fake relationship which was quickly moving off script.
No. Those things I would keep for myself.
“Okay, no more flirting, give it to me hard and fast, baby,” he huffed impatiently.
This was our game. Xavi wanted the sordid details but if I gave them up too quickly, it ruined the chase and he lost interest. It was an unspoken element of our friendship that I hyperbolised all my stories and kept him hanging in our game of conversational foreplay.
“Lucky for you hard and fast is my style,” I joked, before sobering at the memories of their sugar-coated sneers. “They’re awful. I heard them referring to me asthe help,” I threw some air quotes into the air. “And his mother sounded like she’d eaten a mouthful of shit when she asked him if I grew up in Moorway,” the memory easily eliciting profanity from my mouth with no regret.
Xavier gasped exaggeratedly, however, I could see thegenuine anger in his narrowed gaze. He didn’t come from money either, and while we would joke and laugh about our hand me downs, he knew this one would have hurt my feelings. Our bank account was never something I really noticed because love was plentiful and even now, I could see cash wasn’t as important as time, affection and empathy. But it seemed Mr. and Mrs. Dane didn’t get the memo and very clearly had more dollars than sense.
“They’re gross,” I mumbled, an unexpected lump forming in my throat as I felt tears pressing at the backs of my eyes. Because even though their opinion meant nothing, it was two more people who thought I needed saving. ‘Have your fun and do her a favour or whatever this little project is,’Preston’s vicious derision spun around in my head, loud and cutting.
“Urgh, I’m sorry, Ev, they sound like ball sniffers,” he admonished, and I wiped the stray tears. “What did the gorgeous piece of lethal meat say? Tell me he defended your honour and boxed their arses out of his house. God, I want a man with thick hair who fights bare-knuckle. You really do have it all. It’s unfair.”
I sniffled, my sadness clear despite my small laugh. “What could he say? It’s true. I did grow up there and we didn’t have money. Mum was everything though. She gave me the love of a mother and father and Sebastian was the best brother. Then when Cooper joined our family, I never wanted for anything. Between the three of them, I was rich. I didn’t even know we were poor until I was a teenager. Why would where I was raised matter? It doesn’t make me less deserving of love,” I choked on the last word, before giving in and letting the tears free.
He mumbled a string of profanities and death threats while I wiped at my tears.
“He did defend me though,” I said eventually. “And it was pretty hot.”
“Something you would do to them if you could get away with it?” He asked, the emotions a lot for the both of us, and I took a moment to have a sip of tea while I thought about my answer.
“Givethem bothgastroand only a dry sponge to wipe themselves,” I replied, and Xavier clapped his hands in applause.
“I’m giving triple points for that level of evil.”
Using the sleeve of my jumper, I wiped the last of the tears and smiled.
“Thanks for listening and cheering me up.” I spoke. “I love you.”
“Love you too, babes. Screw those rich bastards. You should just marry their son. Or, better yet, fuck him on their kitchen bench when they aren’t home.” He laughed, making me reluctantly giggle.
“I wish,” I sighed. “I don’t think fake dating includes bench top sexcapades, unfortunately. Besides, that would be hot, but I want more. I want fireworks in the sky kind of love.” I replied, before laying down and snuggling in for what would likely be at least another hour on the phone.
“You’re such a romantic, E. You still love him, don’t you?” Even through the screen I could see the pity in his eyes. Pity with a little hope that I would deny it and say this was just a fleeting crush. But when the majority of Coop and I was so fake, I couldn’t deny this part to myself or to Xavier.
“I think I always have,” I muttered, wondering just how long it was going to take to recover after these four months were done and there were no more reasons to perform.
CHAPTER 19
Cooper
The low thrum of the motorbike vibrated beneath me, a steady drawl against my restless mind. The streets blurred past in streaks of shadows as I raced home, desperate for the comfort of my own space, yet tangled in the vortex of thoughts I couldn’t organise. Seb and I would be fine, we always were, but it didn’t mean his assumptions hurt any less. I cared more about him and Eva than I did anyone. They were my family, but to have them voice my deepest insecurities – the things I hated the most about myself – hurt my fucking soul. And irrespective of that, I was still no closer to understanding how I felt or knowing what I would do or say to Evangeline. Part of me felt it was a waste of time when my thoughts were so unclear, so confused. Another part was annoyed I’d said anything to Seb when I wasn’t more certain of how I felt and what it meant.
But now, with my best mate thinking as little of me as my parents did, it was fucking depressing to realise the only person fighting for you in this world, was yourself.
When I saw Eva’s little hatchback parked in the driveway, I felt a sense of peace wash over me, despite not being remotely worthy of someone as good as her. I just needed to feel her presence. To know she was close by, and it would calm my racing heart. Shewould likely be asleep given how late it was, but the fact that she was behind the other wall was enough to dilute my emotions without hitting the bottle or worse, the Cellar.
The house was dark, and I tried to stay as quiet as possible as I headed up the hallway, pausing as I passed her closed door. I felt a flush of shame thinking about how I’d stroked myself in her bedroom when she wasn’t home, an impulse I couldn’t explain or resist. I should have fought to push the need away, but I was powerless, left craving more.
Did she know I’d been in there or wonder where her sleep shirt had gone? What would she think if she knew?
Just as I was about to head to my own room and suppress the answered questions, a broken, stuttered inhale of air held me in place.
Was she crying?
I pressed myself to the door and heard another sharp and unsteady breath, before it turned into a louder sob.
