Chapter
One
Regina (Gina) May
“And when I fall in love, I’ll find my way home because falling in love means I’ve found my home. My heart has found its home.”
I sang the lyrics before writing them down in my notebook. I was going on 48 hours in the same spot, only getting up to use the bathroom, wash my butt, and drink water. I was in crunch mode, which meant I couldn’t stand many distractions. I was fasting until the song was complete.
I was working on the last song I planned to put on my demo album, but something was off. I was completely in love with the lyrics for the last two pieces I’d penned, but I couldn’t find a beat to match what was in my head.
I was in our home studio, running through a lot of the beats my mom decided not to keep for herself. I hoped something would stick out to me, and I could maybe use it, but nothing worked. I was quickly starting to understand why my mother had pushed these sounds to the side.
My parents were both big in the music industry. My mother had been one of the hottest soul singers since before I was born, and my father was a producer for some of the biggest hits outtoday. Still, I didn’t want to call them for advice, because I knew not to bother them while they were on tour. I was trying my best to push forward on my own, despite hitting every roadblock imaginable.
This was a project I was keeping to myself. I’d had time in my youth where I tried my hand at music, but I was never able to live up to the high standard they’d set. I would never forget working so hard to put together a whole showcase at a summer camp they’d sent me to, only for the showcase to be completely forgotten about when they showed up.
As soon as my parents stepped foot on the campgrounds, all anyone could talk about was them. My friends wanted to know why I never told them who my parents were, while the staff wanted to know why I hadn’t invited them earlier. All I wanted to do was show my parents how well I could sing, but I didn’t even get to perform.
That was the day I officially put music to the side. I thought it was something that we’d had enough of in this family. I’d been living out my dreams through them, but I had a feeling this demo album would change all of that. That’s why I needed to finish it myself. I wanted to go to my parents when it was complete and undeniable.
Now that I’d finally written the last song, the only thing left to do was find the right music and record the last two songs since the first was already done. I put my notebook down on the couch next to where I was sitting and stood to stretch. Taking a look around my parents’ studio, I couldn’t help but smile.
My parents’ studio took up a whole wing of the house by itself, and you could tell it was their favorite place to be on the compound. The walls held pictures of them at award shows, some of the gold plaques they’d earned, and many of the friends they met along the way to success. There weren’t any pictures of me in the studio, but I didn’t mind. My parents drew a hard linebetween work and family, but sometimes, I wished they stayed on this side of the line a little more.
Our family compound was made up of two houses and three facilities. Their house was the main attraction, but the one I lived in wasn’t short of anything either. With four bedrooms and two bathrooms, it was more than I needed. Besides, since I was the only one ever home, I had free rein over everything we owned, including the five cars in the garage.
No matter how much time I spent at the home theatre, the indoor pool, or the event center, it wasn’t enough to fill the obvious loneliness I felt. True, I had friends I could call and go out on the town with, but I missed my parents. It had been over a year since I last saw them in the flesh. Their tour was only supposed to last a couple of months, but they followed that tour up with a European tour that kept them away from home a lot longer.
Since I knew they would be back stateside soon, I searched the studio for my phone. Even though their next stateside show would be in Vegas, I was hoping they could make a pit stop in Louisiana to have cake and ice cream for my birthday. Even if for a short time, having my parents home to celebrate with me was all I really wanted for my birthday.
Until I was sixteen years old, my parents had never missed a birthday. It didn’t matter where they were in the world; they would always make it home to have ice cream and cake with me on my birthday. But it seemed like the last seven years had pushed me further to the back of the picture they had of their lives, while music took center stage. I was trying my best to hold on to a sense of family, but nothing was filling the empty void I felt while sitting in this house alone, day in and day out.
I used to have the best relationship with my parents, but as their careers grew, I felt less like the most important thing in their lives. From the time I was ten years old until I graduated, Iattended a boarding school. Even after being sent away, I didn’t feel as neglected as I do now. At least at school, I had other people going through the same thing. Their parents didn’t seem to want them around any more than mine did.
Now, I was alone on my family’s compound with not a single soul to talk to about what I was feeling. I could have possibly been overreacting, but I missed them. Even if I couldn’t be with my parents every day, I was hoping we could at least spend my birthday together, like we used to. I dialed my mom’s number to confirm I would be seeing them in three weeks.
“Hey, Mommy,”I whined as soon as she answered.
“Hey, baby, how are you? Getting ready for your big day?”She sounded excited to hear from me, and her excitement made me sit up in my seat. No matter how old I got, I would always be excited about my mama being excited to talk to me.
Although most girls were naturally daddy’s girls, that didn’t make our mothers any less significant. I was as close to being a daddy’s girl as I could be with the distance that had always been between us. None of that meant I valued my mother any less.
My mother was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. Her dark-chocolate skin was only matched by her long, jet-black hair that almost touched her butt. Her hair was so long and shiny that many people confused it with weave. And once they realized it was all her, they would swear she was mixed with something. She wasted no time setting them straight, though.
I would never forget her telling the front desk attendant at one of the boarding schools she dropped me off at that she was mixed with ghetto and Black as fuck. My mother took pride in her Black heritage and wanted me to appreciate every part of myself, which was why I’d never struggled with self-esteem issues. I knew I was that bitch in any room I walked into, but there was a different type of issue—never feeling like I belonged anywhere or with anyone.
“Yeah, that’s actually what I was calling you about. I was wondering if you and Dad could make a pit stop by the house while you’re in the States. Maybe spend the day with me for my birthday.”
There was a long pause on the other end of the phone, which told me everything I needed to know. She was trying to find the right words to let me down easy. This was what she did every time she had to tell me no, but didn’t want to just come out and say it.
“Mama, please spit it out. If you can’t make it, just say that. You don’t have to find the perfect words to tell me no. It won’t change the answer or how I feel about it, one way or the other.”
“It’s not that, baby. You know your dad and I would love to be there to celebrate you for your special day, but we can’t get away right now if we begged.”
“Except you don’t have to beg. You own your own record label. Y’all are the bosses in every aspect. If you wanted to be here for my birthday, you would. There is no excuse.”
I let the last few words trail off because I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. I did want her to know I was frustrated. I’d been begging to see them for months, and no matter what I suggested, there was always some reason they couldn’t make it happen. I’d even suggested waiting backstage at their London show just to be able to join them for a late dinner, but of course, they’d already made plans. I’d flown halfway across the world to eat alone, just like I did every other night.
