I’m letting myself have thoughts I haven’t dared to have for years, and I need to remind myself of the very real way Sebastian Hayes broke my heart all those years ago.
I’m about to fall back into that memory when the washroom door opens, and I force a smile. We both slip into our boots and jackets and head outside. He follows as I head back the same way we did when we went tree hunting. This time, I move a lot slower, trying to take in the way the snow sits on branches and the birds that sit in them. I stop and pull my camera out, adjusting my lens and focus while aiming at a tree in the distance. I can tell the branch is on the cusp of dropping all the snow that’s piled on top. I snap a few shots, and the snow falls. I manage to capture the snow falling in a few shots and grin at my camera as I review the photos.
“Do you prefer taking photos of nature or people?” Sebastian asks.
I look at him over my shoulder. He’s a few paces behind me, and I know he was watching me. “I like both. I like capturing the natural beauty that surrounds us and so many people take for granted, but I also like capturing relationships between people. Be it family, engagements, or weddings, I love being the silent observer of those relationships.”
He nods and falls into step beside me. “How many pieces have you sold?”
I gnaw my lip. I haven’t told anyone I’ve listed my work online. I’ve been doing hired photography to pay my bills, but I love the thought of a random person seeing a photo I’ve taken and wanting to display it on their wall at home or in their office. I’ve sold several of the pieces I’ve listed and for good money. I’veput it all into savings, hoping to buy my own place one day. Part of the reason I was so pissed my parents didn’t tell me they had sold the cabin until after it was done was that I would have taken money from those savings to see if I had enough to try to buy it from them. I wasn’t even given the opportunity—instead, the place was taken from me.
“A few,” I say, needing to move on from those thoughts.
“I’m sure you could get your pieces in galleries if you wanted. Have you looked into that at all?” he asks. The confidence in his voice has warmth spreading in my stomach, and I have to fight it.
“I’d rather keep ownership of my art and not have to deal with an intermediary. I like that my buyers can see who the photographer is instead of dealing with some random people in a gallery. It keeps it more personal.”
“I can see that,” he says, and there’s that warm a fuzzy feeling again. “What about opening your own gallery one day?”
That would be the dream. To have my own gallery and be able to show all my photos, but the cost that goes along with that seems so daunting, especially knowing my parents had to sell the cabin due to financial difficulties. How could I justify putting that kind of money into a studio right now, knowing that they’re struggling? I won’t be making any big financial decision any time soon.
I offer Sebastian a soft smile. “Maybe one day.”
His eyes skate over my face, reading what I’m not saying, and he nods.
We walk in silence, me stopping occasionally to capture the perfect picture while he stands beside me. He lets me focus as I snap away, not asking annoying questions the way Tim used to. After a while, I refused to bring him with me when I’d go for a shoot. I spent more time getting frustrated answering questions or listening to incessant rambling when I wanted some silenceto focus, to get the best angle, to make sure I wasn’t disturbing whatever animals I stumbled upon. No matter how many times Tim and I would talk about it, he’d get it and try, but he always ended up not being able to sit in the silence.
I don’t need to say anything to Sebastian, he just knows. If he notices something he thinks I might want to take a picture of, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he points to it, his arm over my shoulder so he knows I see he’s pointing something out.
I’m taking a picture of an owl when I feel the heat of Sebastian behind me. His hand brushes my cheek as he moves to point at something in the distance. My breathing increases at having him so close, and I fight to pay attention and figure out what he’s pointing at. I scan the top of the hill in the distance, and my breath catches when I see a moose. He’s huge and has already lost his antlers for the season, wandering through the snow. I move my camera, smiling with each click as I capture the animal.
Moose are not something you see in the lower mainland, the part of the province that’s mainly city and holds a majority of the population. They’re not even that common in this area. Their numbers are lower here compared to up north, where you’re bound to see a few throughout the year.
I crouch, getting a different angle, loving capturing something new. We do our best to stay quiet and not get noticed by the moose. After a few minutes, and plenty of photos, I stand and face Sebastian, smiling up at him. His responding grin has me holding back a squeal of excitement. I settle for flapping my hands like a weirdo and grinning so wide my teeth hurt from the cold.
Sebastian bites his lip as he watches me, and I can’t find it in me to be even an ounce embarrassed. As we head back to the cabin, I flip through some of the photos. I got some really good ones. I can’t wait to edit them and get them up on my website.
“I can’t believe I got pictures of a moose,” I say, stepping out of my boots once we’re inside.
Sebastian takes my camera from me, and I protest, reaching for it, but he holds it out of reach. He flips through them, and I huff, crossing my arms over my chest, trying to bide my time before I can snatch the camera back. When I think I have my opening, he knows before I even move, and it’s out of reach again. Frustrated, I jump on his back, wrapping my legs around his waist as I try to climb up him and grab the camera.
“Lise, you’re not going to beat me,” he teases as he continues to flip through the camera like my climbing him is nothing.
“Give it back, Sebastian.”
“Nope. I’m quite enjoying looking through these.”
I squeeze my legs tight around him, and he chuckles. He fucking chuckles.
“Lise, you done now?”
I shake my head even though he can’t see me. I plant my hands on his shoulders and try to hike myself higher up his body. He walks into the living room and stands in front of the couch. I put a leg down to give myself more leverage, and he uses the opportunity to place the camera down and spin, causing me to lose my balance and fall on the couch. He hovers over me, his face inches from mine, our breath dusting over each other as we stare into the other’s eyes. His pupils are huge, and I fight the urge to lean up a little just to feel what it would be like to have his lips on mine. To know what it would be like to kiss Sebastian Hayes.
If I was sixteen again, I wouldn’t be second guessing this. I would have kissed him. I would have wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down as I kissed him. Although, I think the aftermath would have hurt more.
I close my eyes, memories of what really happened hitting me.
TWELVE
