ANNALISE
We’re leaving tomorrow. Something about it feels so permanent, too. Dad hasn’t made any mention of coming back next year like he usually does. Walker starts college next fall, and I’ll be going into my last year of high school. Is that why there isn’t any plans of coming back?
I watch a chickadee fly from one tree to another as the door opens behind me, and I know it’s Sebastian before he even opens his mouth. It’s like my body knows when he’s around. Everything feels like it’s on edge. I’m sure if I pulled my sleeve up, I’d have chicken skin and my hair would be standing on end, and not from the cold.
“Your mom said lunch is almost ready.”
I nod, not looking at him. He steps closer, taking a seat beside me on the stairs. His leg brushes against mine he’s so close, and I hold my breath. I’ve been so close to telling Bash how I feel about him a few times this weekend. Like when we had the snowball fight and he chased me down, wrapping his arms around me from behind and we laughed together. If we had been facing each other, I would have gone in for a kiss, but I wasn’t close enough.
He nudges me, and I look at him.
“You ready to head home tomorrow?”
I shake my head. “Nope. I could live out here if I was allowed.”
“You wouldn’t miss the city?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I think I want to see more nature. Maybe travel. In the city, all I see is concrete and all you hear is cars and loud sounds.”
I look at Sebastian again, and he’s staring at me like he’s seeing something he’s never seen before. The air feels like it holds an electric charge, and butterflies take flight in my stomach. This has got to be my opening. We hold eye contact, and I feel myself finally leaning in. I don’t know why I go so slowly, but because I do, I never get to experience what it would be like to kiss Sebastian Hayes. He pulls back and stops me before I ever get the chance.
“Lise, we can’t do this. You and me can’t happen.” His voice is harsh, and I fight the urge to curl in on myself. He stands and puts as much distance between us as he can. “Your mom asked me to get you for lunch.”
I nod. “Yeah, I’ll be right in.”
I push off the stairs and head into the trees, throwing myself into the snow, trying to use the cold to fight the red-hot embarrassment currently consuming me. I scream into the snow, coughing when I push up and spitting the snow out.
I just made a move on Sebastian Hayes and got very clearly refused. How in the hell am I supposed to spend the next twenty-four hours with him knowing I just made a complete fool of myself? I thought all the signs were there. He had touched me in the car. When we went on walks as a group, he wasn’t always ahead with Walker, and I often found him keeping pace with me. During the snowball fight, it was like it was just the two of us at times. It was as though we were in our own little world, and it felt so right.
I stand and brush the lose snow off and head back inside. I scan the room and see Walker and Mom at the table, and we’re still waiting for Sebastian and Dad. I quickly wash my hands and instead of taking my usual seat beside Mom, which would put Sebastian on my other side, I take the seat beside Walker, knowing I need to put as much space between us as possible.
I barely manage to make it through the rest of the day without having a complete breakdown. I leave everyone watching a movie, saying I’m tired, and head to our room. As Sebastian walks out of the washroom, he catches me by the wrist, and I can’t even find it in me to meet his eyes. Mine are locked on where he’s touching me, and I’m warring between yanking my wrist out of his grasp and slamming my fists against his chest and turning into him, hoping he’ll wrap his arms around me.
“Lise,” he whispers, and I close my eyes. “Can you look at me?”
I release a breath and meet his eyes. “Why, so you can reject me again?”
He winces and steps closer. My breath catches, and I hate myself for the way just being this close to him makes me feel.
“We can’t do anything, Lise. I’m your brother’s best friend. He’d kill me.”
“So, you want to?” I ask, hope filling my voice, and I know he picks up on it.
I watch him swallow before he takes a step back and shakes his head. He might as well have taken a knife and stabbed me with how I feel now.
He drops my wrist. “No.”
I take a step closer, rage filling me now. “You, Sebastian Hayes, can go to hell. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
Something akin to hurt flashes across his face, but I ignore it, turning on my heels and rushing into the bedroom. As muchas I want to slam the door, the last thing I need is my parents questioning me, so I close it softly and lean against it. When the first tear fights past my defences, I wipe at it furiously and change before climbing up to my bed and pulling my favourite stuffed penguin, Chilbert, into my chest and crying.
THIRTEEN
SEBASTIAN
When I spun on Annalise, I did not imagine myself hovering over her the way I am right now. Her breath dusts over my lips, and it takes every ounce of strength I have to not lean down and kiss her. To finally know what it would be like to kiss Annalise Reid. She holds my eyes, her breathing becoming shallower. Her eyes flutter closed, and I watch as she falls away from me. I can’t seem to move.
Am I holding back because of myself or because of her? I came here so I could show her that I want more with her. That I’ve been in love with her for years, catching glimpses of her and little pieces of information every chance I got. I made a damn fake social media account so I could follow her, because the second we got back to the city after that trip years ago, she blocked me on everything. She said she never wanted to see me again and did everything she could to make sure that happened.
