“Awww, y’all woke before mommy?” They stretch toward me, arms wide.
“Hold on,” I tuck the bed tight first, can’t have no wrinkled sheets then scoop them up and turn onChip and Potato. Zahir already eyeing the edge of the bed.
And mi nuh wah dead yet.
I lift him in the middle and circle them with pillows. Then after tidying up, I lay out clothes for us. Today feels like a pool day. Nothing too fussy. I dress Zahira in a pink floral swimsuit with the ruffle neckline and tuck a matching rosy sunhat over her curls. Zahir gets the floral swim shorts with a crisp blue sunhat. I tie the strings under their chin. He grins up at me like he knows he’s sweet. “Yuh know you is a face bwoy,” I squeeze his cheeks and press a kiss to their lips.
I shower and take my time with myself. I slip on a cream two-piece, throw on an oversized white linen shirt, tied loose in the front. Sunglasses, gold anklet, and that one dainty chain withthe Z charm. My hair up in a slick bun. I rub suntan all over our bodies, then we’re ready. We head outside. The infinity pool glimmers under the sun like glass, I still can’t get over how nice this house is, glass walls, white stone. Imagine, this is just the backyard.
I ease them into the pool with their floaties. Zahira’s is a pink flamingo and Zahir’s is a blue and white shark. They both have sunshades. They feel the pool water for the first time, and their giggles start immediately. Water slapping, arms flapping. I keep them in sight, as I make breakfast in the Cabana kitchen. Once I’m through, I grab my camera and snap a few pictures. Then I send them to my phone. Zahira throws back her head laughing, Zahir tiny feet kicking. I smile. I should start their baby page. I have the username saved and everything, but dem father against it.
‘Too much eyes, mi nuh wah mi youth them expose to certain environment, nuh want this, mi nuh want that’Tch.Before we eat, I hit post on a picture of myself, floating around in the pool, my body in a mini arch, my elbows on the pool’s edge, as I prop down, looking up in my camera on my tripod. It’s a grown, sexy picture, I added some randoms too, like my fruit plate, the infinity pool, my toes, and a no face, no case pics of my babies.
“Breakfast time,” I smile at them, placing the phone on the poolside beside me.
I pull the floating tray towards me. Inside I have sliced fruits, oats, scrambled eggs, franks, mini waffles, yogurt bites, juice in their sippy cups. I sit at the shallow ledge, dipping my legs in while the babies eat and splash in their floaties. It’s peaceful. Real peaceful. And for a second, I let myself forget the ache in my chest. But of course…
After breakfast, I lean back on the daybed, Zahira curled up beside me and Zahir fiddling with his floatie strap. I pick up myphone and dial the number I know will ease my mind today. Nicki answers on the second ring.
“Hey, morning!”
“Good morning,” I say, brushing a curl from Zahira’s forehead.
“Yuh good, Zara? A wah yuh deh pan?”
I hesitate. “Mi just feel like bring the babies over. Spend the day… dat okay?”
“Of course, mi gyal. Yuh nuh affi ask dat! Come wid mi nice, clean babies!” I laugh softly. Then I pause.
“Yuh… yuh see Nickoi from morning?”
“Nosah. Him nuh over deh?”
“No… probably by him friends,” I lie.Yuh s’pose to know. Especially when unuh live together.
She doesn’t press. “Yeah man, more while him deh a Rick. Mi a wait pan unuh.”
“Okay,” I nod. “Soon reach.” I hang up. After the call, I start replying to messages from coworkers and students. Then I see one from Gavin. A quote. Something about women needing self-control in relationships. I shake my head, smirking.Point made.I scroll through the usual status updates, birthday shoutouts, sad quotes, money posts until I see one from Nickoi.
I pause.
Now yuh interested?
Yes, because I just want to know where he is, without asking. I turn off my read receipts before tapping it. He’s with Gutta. Playing video games. Anna’s behind the camera. On the glass table: weed, guns, Henny bottles. And him? Dressed in all black. Looking like everything I miss. I sigh, teeth tugging gently at my bottom lip.
Why did I go off like that yesterday?
I hate my temper. Hate that it pushes away the one person, besides my immediate family who actually had my back. He’sstill mine, yeah, but it don’t feel the same. Not right now.You did that.I know. I need to fix this. But how?
“Ma ma,” a soft voice breaks through my spiral. Zahira. Looking at me like she’s been waiting for me to notice. Then Zahir shuffles closer.
“Ma ma,” he echoes with a little grin.
I blink. Did they just—
“Awwww!” I beam, smothering them in kisses. Their giggles bounce off the water, sweeter than anything else. These precious gems are mine?
Damn. I’m in love…
