I didn’t have to put much thought into whether or not to accept the position Sean was offering. I would get the job at The Adonis so Danny could get the care he needed. Retaining his apartment was another matter, however, as bouncing rarely paid much more than twenty-bucks an hour. I figured I could do pizza delivery to fill in the gaps. With convenient apps like DoorDash and Uber Eats, it wouldn’t be hard to bring in some extra income into the situation. The problem was, could Danny be alone for eight hours during the evening? I figured with the shift being later at night, I’d make sure he ate, peed, and got settled in bed with a book before leaving for work. There was also the possibility of getting him a walker to help him make it to the bathroom, but I knew he’d be resistant to that idea.
I suddenly hated I was stupid. Maybe if I’d paid better attention to things like equations and decimals I could have done better in school. I could have gone off to college, gotten a degree, and landed a good job then I could buy anything he needed, including an at-home nurse to see to his every need. But I was a dunce and like my father had told me over and over,you’ll never be anything.
One thing was for certain. I’d figure something out. My Danny deserved the world, and I was determined to give it to him.
CHAPTER TEN
Danny
Going off to college had been surprisingly scary.
Everyone said I was smart, but there were several times when I thought higher learning might be too much for me. I’d persisted, graduated summa cum laude, and went on to earn my masters in environmental engineering three years after. Hard work and dedication had landed me an interview with one of the top engineering firms in the Midwest. Sitting there in front of the well-dressed man, asking me simple questions like,why do you think you’re a good fit for Hanover Environmental Consultantshad been nerve-wracking, but they’d hired me. And when I’d signed my name on my apartment’s lease, and permanently moved out of my mother's house? Terrifying. I’d been a young gay man, stepping out into the world for the first time to start my life.
As my mother had told me before,everything worth doing is hard.And I’d done them. College. Career. Life. So when I was faced with physical therapy, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I wanted to succeed and get better. I wanted to make everyone around me proud. I might complain about it, but I refused to fail, especially with Jere watching. If he’d been in my shoes, he wouldn’t have given up.
“It’s getting to his feet that seems to be the problem,” Jere said to Alex, my physical therapist, as I held onto the bars flanking me.
“That’s not uncommon. The equilibrium gets thrown off,” Alex said with a welcoming smile.
Alex had the sweetest voice for a man, all gentle and warm and smooth. I couldn’t help thinking he’d kill it producing romantic audio books. I’d totally buy his work to listen to him talk in detail about making love.
“Just take your time, Danny, you’re doing great. You might not notice it, but you’re improving,” he said.
I sighed, knowing it came out as an indignant huff. I was aggravated all the time, and the tiniest thing grated my nerves. Steadying myself, I let go of the bars and was relieved when I didn’t lose my balance. Every time I rocked or wobbled people rushed to me as if I was a baby about to take a serious spill. It was embarrassing and the constant coddling slipped a cold knife between the ribs of my pride.
“Good job,” Jere praised, looking as if I’d won the Olympic gold medal in the men’s parallel bars. He’d always been my own personal cheerleader and of course, his approval meant the world.
“Okay,” Alex said and retrieved a ball. “Are you ready?”
“Not really, no, but give it to me.”
“You can do it, honey,” Ronnie chimed in from the sidelines. Her attention was between me and a stack of work papers in her hand. I didn’t like that she was wasting her free time watching me flail around, but I was glad she was here. “Pretend the ball is the sexiest man you can think of rushing into your arms. Are you going to catch him, or let him get away?”
“You should have dressed up as a cheerleader, Ronnie. You missed an opportunity here,” I poked, trying not to look at Jere because on my top ten list of fuckable hunks I’d want rushing into my arms, he was number one–he’dalwaysbeen number one.
“Maybe I’ll be a cheerleader for Halloween this year. Ra-Ra-Ra, Danny is our boy, if he can’t do it, no one can!” She got up and busted a little move.
I gasped. “Oh, please tell me we can go to a Halloween party this year? We didn’t get to go last year. Jere said I’d look awesome as a mummy, and I think I got the jerky movements down.”
“Like, duh?” she said, doing her best dumb blonde impression. She rushed to me and kissed my cheek. “Now focus on a sexy man rushing into your arms.”
I turned my attention to the red ball as Alex tossed it to me. I raised my hands to catch it, but my brain failed to make the connection and it went bouncing across the room. I absently wondered if Jere had any bounce to him with all those swollen muscles.
“That’s okay,” Alex said. “This isn't a contest. Sometimes you’ll catch it, sometimes you won't. All that matters is you try.”
Jere retrieved the ball and Alex tossed it to me again. I managed to actually catch it this time. Jere’s claps echoed through the room, seemingly prouder than I deserved, but it was impossible for me not to respond to his enthusiasm.
“Would you like to take my place and throw the ball for me, Jere?” Alex asked.
“Okay,” Jere muttered and came to stand in front of me.
Biting my tongue, I focused on his body, attempting to judge the distance and how much force I needed to put into the toss. It was such an easy thing to do, but for my bruised brain, it took a lot more effort. When I was ready, I threw the ball at him, aiming for his torso. The ball shot to the side, but Jere jutted out his arm and caught it in his big baseball-mitt of a hand.
“Excellent!” Alex said, looking way too thrilled. I was sure he was used to his patients catching balls all day, every day.
We tossed the ball back and forth several times. Sometimes I caught it, and sometimes I didn’t, but every throw had me smiling as Jere and Ronnie encouraged me with positive remarks.
“Okay, that’s enough eye-hand coordination for now. I’d like us to work on some balance techniques,” Alex said.
