“Which part?”
“Any of it. Lu, you might think I’m better off in some other alternate reality, but I get to make those decisions,” said Ryan. “I decide what I want my life to be and who I want to be in it in the end. Screw everyone else.”
“Really?”
“I told you that I was working on trying to be less of a people pleaser.” He shrugged.
I nodded. “I’m so sorry I ruined things, that I sent you away the other day. I see I’m probably too late. Maybe you did take my advice. I can’t blame you for that, but I just needed to see you even if it took me going to your house and then the sports complex and then here to say this. All of this.”
I really wanted to stop talking now and plow back into his arms. I hadn’t realized how much I would miss them.
“Why would you be too late?”
I peered back over his shoulder toward where I had seen him first. Natalie gave a hesitant wave toward me, but headed off in whatever direction it was she was heading. She didn’t try to wait for Ryan. “You and Natalie, after everything and—”
His shoulders slumped as he sighed. “Let’s get out of here. Can we go back to the house to talk? Gertie’s?”
And mine, I wanted to tell him.
In the past few days, Gertie had already prepared the documents to sign the property and everything else over to me. She’d been preparing, it seemed, a lot sooner than when she brought the proposal up to me.
I swallowed. He wanted to go back to the house. With me. “Okay.”
He didn’t offer his hand, but he waited until I was behind him as we headed back together.
* * *
“I like your hair,”Ryan said.
I resisted the urge to thank him and tell him that I really liked it and how I’d always wanted to color my hair something a little more extravagant, but never had the courage to. Until recently, anyway. But if I said that, then I would also have to tell him again that I missed him. I’d have to tell him that I wished he had been the first person who saw my bright-purple hair when Ana was done after hours. I could imagine the smile he would’ve given me, and it made my heart hurt all over again.
So instead, I swallowed the thick saliva coating the inside of my mouth.
He settled himself further on the window seat of my bedroom. Right back at home. I sat down next to him on the edge.
“I didn’t get to say that before.” He reached up and touched a strand of his own.
“Thanks. Ana just did it.”
“So, you really ran around campus for me?” Ryan asked.
“I needed to find you,” I said. It had been so simple before.
“And you did.”
“You know, you don’t have to forgive me.” I should’ve said that before. “I mean, I understand, like I said, if I’m too late or if I hurt you. I know I hurt you. You don’t have to just forgive me because you feel bad or are always too nice.”
“Stop, Lu.”
“I’m just saying—”
“Luella,” Ryan said sternly.
I stopped talking.
“I’ll forgive you because I love you, Lu,” he said. “But now, it is my turn to talk. You had your chance, right?”
Finally, I said nothing. I didn’t interrupt. I let him take over and say what it was that he needed to say. It was fair even if I didn’t want to hear it. I’d wanted him to come here all too much. Desperately, if I was being honest. And now, he was here.
