Why does it feel like he’s finding any possible excuse to put an end to this? Do I seriously not mean anything to him?
“I would for you. Without a doubt.” My lower lip trembles. “I honestly thought that—”
“That what?”
“That I’m enough for you!” I blurt out without thinking. My vision grows hazier by the minute. “That you might ask Coach to stay. For me. Or that you’d consider being with me even if you’re one state away. But I’m being selfish, aren’t I?”
For a beat, a flickering, fleeting one, his eyes soften. But it happens so quickly that I might be imagining it. “I told you from the very start, I warned you, and you understood that Iwas leaving. Iamleaving, even if that’s in a month. There’s no guarantee that I’ll be back soon. If I can compete again, I’ll have to travel until the season’s over.”
A tear rolls down my cheek. Diego tracks its path to my jaw, hurt flashing in his eyes too. “Did it even mean something to you? Us?”
“No,” he answers, his chin quivering. “It was always just casual, and you fucking know it. It didn’t mean a thing, and you’re not—”
He stops himself, instant regret in his eyes as he runs a trembling hand over his mouth. All I can feel is my heart dropping, breaking into irreparable pieces.
I cross my arms over my chest, tipping my chin up despite my body feeling ready to fall to the ground. He wants to hurt me? I’m going to stab the knife in his wound too. Twist it and dig it deeper, hoping he feels the pain I’m carrying. Another teardrop cascades down my cheek, but I steel my voice. “You know what? You’re right. I’m glad we’re on the same page. This was just fucking, and nothing more.”
He takes a step toward me. He’s crying, for fuck’s sake, yet he’s not trying to apologize. Or fix it. “Alara . . .”
“It’s settled,” I retaliate brusquely. “Get out, Diego.”
“Alara—”
I’m already headed toward my bathroom, uncontrollable and unstoppable tears streaming down my face. I want him to fight me. I want him to beg for forgiveness so we can sort this out. I also want to find the strength to turn back around and apologize, but I’m blinded by rage, and all I can say is, “Leave.”
Sliding down the closed door once I’m on the other side, I pull my knees to my chest, letting the dam break. My sobs become deafening, but still I hear my front door opening and closing. Diego actually leaves, and he takes my shattered heart with him,a hollow making itself known inside my chest in the wake of his absence.
“Were you ever going to tell me that you and my brother are dating?”
Gaby’s question, as she enters my cabin like the beautiful tornado she is, makes me cry again. I’ve just stopped, and I genuinely thought I had no tears left to cry, but it looks like I can go on for another hour.
I listen to the shuffle by the front door as she takes her jacket and shoes off, then she jumps on the couch to hug me even though my body is engulfed in a heap of blankets. “What’s with all those tissues scattered about?” She takes a closer look at me. I bet I look horrendous, but that’s just the result of non-stop sobbing for hours.
Diego tried calling me and I answered too quickly. His breathing had filled the line, then he hung up, and he hasn’t tried reaching out since. My pride is killing me too. I know I was in the wrong to talk to him that way and to initiate the fight, but part of me was desperate to make him stay.
“Ay, bebé,” Gaby whispers, wrapping her arms around me. A sob racks my body, and I feel my chest tightening again. I just want to stop hurting, but I miss him, I miss him, I miss him. “What did he do?”
Gaby holds me for what feels like an eternity before I finally calm down. I think all my energy went into crying, and now I feel exhausted. Sitting up, I dry my cheeks with the backs of my hands, and Gaby places a kiss on top of my head before standing. She collects the discarded tissues without saying anything, without asking questions, then goes into the kitchen.
Every time I close my eyes, I see Diego. His infectious, dimpled smile. His beautiful eyes. And the mere reminder thatI’ve ruined everything feels as though a sharp shard of glass is penetrating my already broken heart.
Gaby returns a moment later with two mugs filled to the brim with tea and a packet of chocolate that she chucks in my lap. She sets the two cups down on the coffee table, sits with her legs criss-crossed, turns to me, then says, “Tell me everything.”
So, I do.
I tell her how, from the moment I saw him, my buried feelings had resurfaced. I tell her about the time we spent together at Rock Snow and the resort, before and after the lessons. I tell her about our first kiss at the Christmas market, the deal he proposed – leaving out all the steamy details – and how we grew closer. I also tell her about the time I found him after he fell at the snow park – but I don’t tell her about his worries regarding their family’s financial situation. I tell her that I fell in love with him while we snuck around in secret, and end with this morning’s argument.
Gaby’s mouth keeps parting and closing, and, under normal circumstances, I’d tell her she looks like a fish, but I can’t find a spark of humor left in me.
“Ese cabrón,” she finally hisses.
Gaby has the tendency of cursing in Spanish when she’s genuinely offended. I shrug, leaning forward to take both mugs. I hand her one before curling my palms around the other.
“Why keep everything a secret?” she asks, evidently confused.
“You know why.” I clear my throat and take a sip of the peppermint tea, soothing the dull ache that’s taken over my body. “I heard you tell him not to try anything with me that one time I came to hang out at your place.”
She gasps. “Mierda. It’s all because of me? I’m sorry. I just wanted to protect you.”
