His nostrils flare. “What do you want me to say, Alara? You knew the plan all along. You knew I wanted to be out of here as quickly as possible.”
God, my heart is breaking bit by bit. I think he knows that I’m already hurting – I’ve never been able to hide my emotions from him.
My vision starts to blur. “I know that, but what’s the rush? Why not finish your recovery here?”
He doesn’t answer the question, and I can’t even read hisexpression. It’s like he’s pulled his mask back on – one he hasn’t worn in weeks. At least, not around me.
He swallows. “So, you’re not happy for me that I got the green light to leave.”
“Don’t put words in my mouth, Diego. Don’t say that, not after the way I’ve been so supportive of you.” I close my eyes. Breathe deeply. “Do you really want to leave now?” I ask, my question fading into a whisper as my voice cracks.
“I don’t know, Alara. You’re throwing me off guard here. You had to jump in, bury your nose in my business when my initial idea was to sort things out before talking about it with you.”
I look at the rug beneath my bare feet, unable to hold his gaze, burning with irritation. “You told me there’s nothing for you back there. Barely any friends, an apartment you don’t like. You look happy here. I know youare, and I just want what’s best for you.”
“And what’s that, hmm? You think there’s something holding me back in Blue Ridge?”Me!God, why can’t I be enough for him? He swallows thickly, his eyes misting over. “Do you understand that myentirefuture lies in Coach Wilson’s hands? What do you think he’ll say if I refuse to go back? I’m already a failure—”
“You’re not,” I cut in harshly. “You’re not. Don’t belittle yourself like this. You know you’ve made some major progress in the last couple of weeks. I’m sure he’ll understand if you ask to finish your recovery here. Your physio’s wife is pregnant, and you’re seriously going to make them move?”
“I haven’t decided one fucking thing yet.”
“And, what, you’re going to lie about your pain to everyone over there too?” He appears shocked that I know he’s been lying this whole time. His lips part, but I continue. “You’ve been able to hide the truth from everyone else but not me. Don’t think Ihaven’t noticed how you massage your knee after a long day at the resort. How you wake in the middle of the night to ice it.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I do! And your health is much more important than a sponsorship deal. What if you injure yourself again? Why take such big risks?”
Leaning his elbows on the counter, he passes his fingers through his hair, frustrated. “I knowyouget me, so why are you trying to make me stay?”
Because I love you, you fucking idiot.Those exact seven words were about to burst out, but what I say instead is, “You can be such an ass.”
He stands, throwing his arms to the side before letting them back down, his palms slapping the sides of his thighs. “Well, you already knew that, yet you still took my cock like the good girl you are.”
What the hell has gotten into him?
I scoff, anger bubbling inside my stomach. Pushing myself off the counter, I curl my trembling hands into fists. He notices the motion, but doesn’t react. “And when you act like this? I don’t even know why I got involved with you. This arrangement was a bad idea.”
That’s not true, and I know we’re both saying things we don’t mean. But we’re confused. We’re scared of losing each other. And our defense mechanisms? Pushing each other away instead of talking, listening, hearing, the way we usually do.
There I was, certain he felt the same way about me and that he’d fight for us. Maybe it’s just selfish of me to want him to stay, but what am I supposed to do? He’s slipping through my fingers, and I don’t want him to go.
“What is it that you want?” he asks, a muscle in his jaw pulsing. “Did you think I was going to throw everything away for . . . you?”
I shake my head, my throat burning. “You know I’d never ask anything of you, especially not that. But the initial plan was for you to stay until the end of January, and I was just hoping that you’d do that. I thought I had more time with you.”
“Why?”
“Forgive me for liking you,” I bite out.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Alara.” His chest rises then falls, his gaze darting to settle on a spot behind my head. The way his jaw tightens as he lets his mask slip away, allowing me to see how hurt he is too, tells me he doesn’t mean a single one of the lies he’s spitting out. “It wasn’t supposed to happen!”
A cold laugh breaks free. Angrily, I bat a tear away with the back of my hand. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
The silence stretches out for a long moment, the sound of his heavy exhale filtering through the room. I can see the turmoil, clear as water, in his eyes. “So, what now?”
My voice thickens with emotion. I try to return to a state of calmness, but it’s really hard. I can’t give up on him so weakly, so easily. “Would you . . . What if we did long distance?”
Shock flashes in his eyes. “Don’t ask me to do something you’re against. You don’t do long distance, Alara.”
