“I know – don’t worry about it. It was supposed to be a super-hot, no-strings-attached thing, so we thought it’d be better if we didn’t tell anyone.”
She nods in understanding. “So, I told him to stay away from you because I knew he’d destroy your heart, and the fucker went behind my back and still broke your heart.”
“I don’t know, Gabs. He was crying when I told him to leave.”
The image of his tear-stained cheeks and his quivering chin flashes in my mind. It causes another thick knot to rise in my throat, but I try to wash it away with some tea.
We both said shitty things. We both tried to hurt each other, but at what cost? We should’ve talked like the adults we are, but neither of us tried to hear the other.
I hate myself for this. I’m angrier at myself than at him, because I had absolutelyno rightto be selfish and demanding.
She’s silent for a beat. Feeling her gaze on me, I turn to look at her. “He loves you.”
This stark little statement brings my aching heart back to life. “Does he?”
“Look, I went into the idiot’s room to look for something – a highlighter he took from me a month ago – and do you know what I found? He’s been reading a lot since he came back home, so I was curious about his current read. I was like, ‘oh, cute, he’s into romantasy now?’so I start flipping through it, and guess what his bookmark is.” I stare blankly at her. She sets her mug down, her eyes brimming with emotion. “Alara, he’s using that strip of snapshots from the vintage photo booth as his bookmark. That’s how I found out about you two. I was shocked. He was in the bathroom, on the phone with someone, but I’m not sure how he’d react to me knowing. Anyway. His dresser is full of your hair ties and clips. He’s even wearing one of your hair ties on his wrist.”
The thought of him staring at our pictures from the photobooth instead of reading warms my otherwise empty chest. “And you gathered from that alone that he loves me?”
“Yes and no. I had my suspicions when he started sneaking out at night or coming back in the morning. When you two started hanging out more and more together. And then I saw the way he looked at you during Christmas Eve’s dinner, and that, babe, was the look of a man in love. I’m just surprised it took you so long to tell me about it.”
“Because we weren’t supposed to catch feelings. He was going to go back to Utah, and we’d never mention it again.”
She pins me with a disbelieving look. “Did you really think you were going to be able to not fall in love with him? The guy you severely crushed on for years?”
I laugh, but the sound is filled with so much sadness that my lungs squeeze again, begging for air. “I don’t know. When he said he just wanted casual, I was hurt, but at the same time I was so happy to have him – even if he just gave me some bits and pieces of himself. I knew it’d hurt when it was time for him to go, but I didn’t think it would feel like this.”
Gaby sighs softly, wrapping her arms around me to pull me closer. “You know, you brought him back to life.”
“No . . .”
“Yes. I haven’t seen him so happy in forever, and I knew it was because of a girl. And now that I know it’s because ofyou?It makes so much sense. When he arrived here, he hated the world, and, at some point, something shifted, and he was happy to go to work or to the resort with you. He came home with a smile on his face, spent more time with me and Val, tried to learn how to cook with Mom. When he was on his phone it was to text you, I think, because he smiled like a dumbass. He was in pain, but you made him forget about it, and we all saw it. You gave him a purpose, Al. His whole life, his focus was snowboarding, and then, for thefirst time, he looked at something else. He looked at you, and he never looked away. Not once.”
I sniffle, and when I blink, another tear falls out. God, does this ever stop?
“I don’t know what to do,” I confess through a sob. I start hiccupping, and she chuckles. Gently, she grabs my mug to set it down before a catastrophe can happen.
“I think you both need space to clear your heads and think about what you truly want. Diego was probably confused about his feelings for you. He’s got his life under control, and falling for you was definitely not in his plans, so I know he’s panicking at the realization. Besides, he should probably have a chat with his coach before making any decision, you know?”
“He didn’t even try to suggest long distance. This is pointless, Gabs. He’s leaving, I’m sure of it.”
“He’s never had a girlfriend, you know. I don’t think he’s ever committed himself to someone the way he has with you. Just give him time to realize there are other options than putting an end to everything. And, besides, couldyoudo long distance? Remember how hard it was for you when you were with Kyle.”
“It’s different with Diego,” I say, without missing a beat. “I really love him. I’d do anything to be with him.”
But the fact he hasn’t thought of staying with me even if he leaves carves another hollow in my chest. I never imagined it would hurt so much to feel my heart break.
Gaby sighs and her gaze falls to my wrist, where the bracelet he gave me dangles. “He gifted you that?”
I nod, lifting the charms to eye level.
“Okay, so you two are just idiots in love who got into an argument like all couples do because of a misunderstanding,” Gaby points out, toying with the cat charm. “He’ll come around.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“He will. Diego fights for what he loves. Just give him time to figure things out.”
I exhale, my heart still screaming his name. Desperate for him to come back to fill the missing piece. “Okay. When should I text him, then?”
