She created distance between us and sank onto the couch amid the boxes and packing paper, looking lost and panicked. “I have the birth control implant. But because of a series of miscommunication between my doctor and me, my implant expired. At least that could be the reason. So could the fact that a small percentage of women get pregnant on birth control. I didn’t plan this, Lucas. I promise that I’m not trying to trap you.”
“I never said you were.”
She anchored her shoulder against the counter. “No, but I can see you’re thinking that.”
I laughed like a nutjob. “You want to know what I’m thinking. That I violated my rule to always wear a condom.” The one time I hadn’t had resulted in a baby growing inside her. I was furious with myself.
“I’m so sorry. This is my fault. I was the one who assured you that I was protected.” She reached out to touch me.
I moved away from her. I had to think. She’d had time to process this life-changing news.
“I wanted to tell you last night, but I didn’t have the test results from the doctor. Plus, you were dealing with your dad. I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me.”
I pulled out my keys. I needed air, space, time, something to clear the cobwebs from my head. Then again, none of that would change anything. She would still be pregnant come morning.
“I don’t know how to do this, Mazzie.” I left the stifling confines of the house before my lungs gave out.
But the Texas October air was just as oppressive. Nevertheless, it was better to be outside than to feel as though the room inside was getting smaller and smaller.
“Lucas, I don’t expect anything from you,” she said at my back. “I… You deserve to know that.”
Standing on the precipice of a world I knew nothing about, I pivoted on my heel and backtracked a few steps. That strength I’d seen in her was gone. In its place were fear and weakness.
I placed a gentle hand on her cheek, which was tacky and wet, and I could picture what our baby might look like—dark-haired with green or blue eyes or a combination of both colors like hers. And as that thought ran through my mind, terror had me on the verge of throwing up.
I loved her, without a doubt. I’d played a part in this. I could’ve ignored her comment about birth control. Hell, I’d done that many times with other women I’d slept with. But Mazzie Meyers had me falling the damn second I laid eyes on her. The night of the Wolf Howl after kissing her on the field, after hearing her tell me she needed me, I was already a goner.
I was as much to blame as she was. I couldn’t let her shoulder the burden. That wasn’t me, but I needed time to think. My brain felt like it was splitting in two. One half wanted to run as far and as fast as I could from this responsibility. The other was desperate to promise her everything would be okay.
A baby. Our baby was growing inside her.
I sat on the stoop, pulling on my hair.
She joined me. “Talk to me. Say something.”
I focused on the grill of my truck. “What do you want to hear? That I’m not ready to be a father? That I fear I could turn out like Kurtis? All I know how to do is play football.”
“Then leave. I can do this on my own.” Her emotions strangled her words.
Anger, hot and fast, reared its ugly head as I pushed to my feet, dragging my hand along my jaw, creating space from her. “I don’t run from my problems.” I raised my voice, firing my rage like a goddamn missile.
She rocked where she sat as horror, guilt, and hurt poured out of her eyes.
I banged on my chest to push out the burning sensation in my lungs. “And what do you mean by ‘I can do this on my own?’”
Trembling, she hugged her knees to her chest. “Neither of us is ready to raise a child.”
How would we? Money would be a problem. She lived with the Armstrongs. Ryker was footing the bill for our rental. I would have to get a job. Not a big deal, but whatever job I got would have to be part-time unless I quit school, and my mom would have my ass on a platter if I threw away my scholarship.
I wore a path in the sun-scorched grass in front of the duplex, moving my arms to keep from punching the porch railing. “You want to terminate your pregnancy?” I hadn’t heard my voice that high-pitched ever.
I didn’t know how I felt about that. My mom believed life was precious—a gift—and we should treat it with care. Growing up without my father, I couldn’t count how many times I wanted him dead. My mother had always reprimanded me, telling me I should never think like that. That humans were put on this earth for a reason. Whatever the reason was that had put Mazzie and me at this juncture was beyond me.
She threw up her hands. “I don’t know. I’m still in shock.”
“I love you. That’s not changing. But we both need time to absorb this before you make any decisions.” Despite my feelings, it was her body, her choice.
She nodded. “Agreed.”
