“I remember when you first looked at me?—”
My mind felt foggy and groggy. “I’ll ask you again. Are you dying?”
“No.”
I stood up from the chair. “Then what is it?” I took one step toward her.
Her hand came out like a wild whip. “Don’t.”
My heart fell to the floor. “Mazzie, please say what you need to. I can’t take this anymore. I’ve been going fucking crazy.”
“If you would let me finish what I was going to say.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m listening.”
“In Leigh’s room, you were emotional. Then after our first night in your room, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. But I couldn’t get sidetracked either. Yet I gave into the idea of love. A feeling I never wanted to experience since I’d seen heartbreak after heartbreak with my mother and the men she’d dated.” She paused to swallow. “I don’t want to ruin your future, Lucas. Your dream of playing in the NFL. I don’t want to hold you back.”
“You would never hold me back. We both have aspirations and dreams we want to achieve. But you’re not making any sense.”
She sobbed.
I had her in my arms in a nanosecond as the world righted itself on its axis. She smelled of hope and felt like home.
“Shh.” I rubbed her back as she trembled against me, or maybe I was the one shaking. “We can get through anything. I’m in this for the long haul.”
“I’m not ready for marriage,” she cried.
I silently swore at my mom because that word was gutting her. “Neither am I. We talked about this already.” I held her face in my hands. “Look at me.”
She lifted her watery gaze.
“I am so in love with you that nothing on this earth could take that feeling away. I want you, Mazzie. All of your flaws, your stubbornness—the good, the bad, and the ugly.”
“Even a baby?”
I stumbled backward. “What?”
She wrapped her arms around herself again. “I’m pregnant.”
The room spun. The heat multiplied, as did the sweat on my neck.
She turned and walked toward the kitchen, with me following as if I was in a daze. She went up to the counter, dug into her bag, and pulled out three pregnancy tests. She lined them up in a row. “If these aren’t proof enough, the doctor’s office confirmed the blood results late this morning.”
This was bigger than the NFL. Bigger than my past. Terrified didn’t begin to describe how I felt.
I shuffled over to her, and my entire body went numb, my vision narrowing to those three plastic sticks on the counter, lined up like evidence and ready to take me down harder than any hit on the field.
Pregnant.
That word bounced around my skull, colliding with every fear I’d ever had about becoming a father. Sure, I wanted kids one day. But I thought I would have time to prepare.
“Say something, Lucas.”
“I’m—” Words failed me.
What was I supposed to say? That I didn’t know how to be a father. That I could turn out like mine. That every time I imagined being a father, I saw my dad being led away in handcuffs. That I was twenty-two with NFL dreams.
“How?” I finally managed to say, though I knew the how of it all. “I thought you were on birth control.”
