Everyone’s better off without me. They need to stay alive. I don’t know what I would do with myself if I got them killed.
I grip the handrail tightly. A million daggers puncture my heart as I let go and enter the train. I don’t look back. I can’t look back. If I look back, I will never get the image of him out of my head.
But I’m a foolish soul.
Once I sit down, I take one last look. I see a boy whose heart has just been shattered like a china plate, and I’m the one who threw it to the ground. His eyes are like windows into a universe of hurt that I caused. My mother told me I was an angel, and she knows I would never cause anyone to be in so much grief that their eyes would turn to glass.
But here I am.
The train begins to leave. Teddy’s head is cradled by his hands like a baby. He doesn’t attempt to chase after the train like they do in the movies. He knows I’ve made my decision. That I want nothing to do with him.
It’s better that way. I don’t care how much he hates me. He can’t die. He can’t.
He’ll never know how much my heart just broke. No glue in the world will fix that. I grip onto my bag as the train pulls away from the station. Tears spill out quickly as I lose control of myself and break down.
At least Teddy will stay alive.
I would die for him.
And I feel like I just did.
The train pulls in and I’m paralysed with grief. I’ve done nothing but cry the entire journey. The poor food cart lady didn’t know what to do with me. She handed me a dozen packets of tissues and cups of water that I drank just to make her feel better. My eyes feel puffy and heavy - I want nothing more than to just fall asleep forever.
I check my phone to see the time, but I’m instead bombarded with messages from everyone I know back home.
Home…
Perrancombe is my home. Everything was getting better. I had a purpose, I had a family.
But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away.
I had to, though, for their sake. I can’t have them dead. I can’t bear to lose anyone else. I’d rather they live without me than be dead. Tears continue to flow as I basically fall onto a bench. I ignore my missed calls and messages.
I can’t take it anymore. I feel a surge of rage as I throw my phone to the ground.
The bronze family have ruined my life twice now. They ruined it when they killed my mum. And now, when I had just built a life for myself again, they’ve gone and torn it down again.
My eyes follow my phone sliding across the floor. It stops below brown boots; a pale hand picks it up.
“Did you not pay a lot of money for that?” asks Arthur. I give him wide eyes of bewilderment. “This wasnothow I was expecting my shift to go. What are you doing here, Noah?” He says, smiling at me. There’s a thick lump in my throat as I attempt to speak, my voice comes out as nothing but a whisper. All the crying has made my throat fill with glass.
“I had to leave,” I whisper. His smile becomes a frown as he sits down next to me.
“Why? I thought things were going really well. I know Kai is in the hospital, but you seemed, I don’t know… happy?” He says. I don’t know how to reply, but my eyes begin to well up with tears.
“What’s going on?” He asks, pulling me into a hug. I cry onto his shoulder as grief takes hold of me again. I don’t want toneversee them again. I was happy and content with my new life. I thought that I had been given a happy ending. I thought that was the end of the suffering.
“The bronze family told me if I didn’t leave, they would kill everyone I love,” I tell Arthur, whose eyes go wide. He cusses under his breath, then turns to me.
“And you just listened to them? To a family of psychos?” He asks through his teeth. I simply nod. “Why would you throw itall away? I know you still care for him.” I want to say a million things, but my throat is closing in on itself. Tears fall from my eyes again. Arthur offers me a tissue and I take it. I dab my eyes with the tissue a few times and take a deep breath. I explain to Arthur everything that happened at Sunset Cliffss. I can’t get any more words out, the lump in my throat suffocating me.
“Does Teddy know what happened?” I shake my head. “You need to explain to him what happened.”
“I’m not sure Teddy will even want to speak to me now. We had a big fight at the train station,” I tell him, sighing. I don’t blame him. I was really cruel. I gave him no explanation whatsoever. He deserves better than me.
“What did he say?”
“He said that running away is what I do when things get bad,” I explain, thinking back to the look on his face. I’ve never seen someone so heartbroken. And I did that to him.
