“Hello Noah, how are you doing?” She asks, looking up at me. I go to take a seat across from them.
“I’m doing good, I don’t know if Kai mentioned it, but I got a job at the queer bookshop on the main strip,” I tell her. She opens her mouth in surprise as she goes to take a sip of tea. There’s no steam coming out of it, though. Is it even still warm?
“No, he never mentioned it. How’s that going?” She asks, holding her mug in her hands as she crosses her legs. Harry just sits there, onlooking the conversation, while Kai smokes his cigarette. His eyes are puffy. He catches my eye and turns away.
“Yeah, it’s going well, I’m enjoying it so far. The people that work there are all really nice, too.”
“Oh, that’s good. Glad it’s going well,” she replies.
“How are things going with the insurance people?” I ask. Kai told me Harry has been on the phone with them recently over what had happened at the surf shop earlier this week. I didn’t want to come in and pretend like it wasn’t happening, even if we all wish it wasn’t.
“I’m not sure if they’re going to pay out as much as we need to be honest with you. One baby step at a time, though. It’s all we can do for now,” Harry sighs. I agree with him before a moment of silence passes. I almost go to fill it before Demi does it for me.
“Well, it was lovely catching up, we were actually getting ready to leave when you came in,” she says with a small laugh. Harry and Demi get up, and she grabs her purse. She looks back at Kai and gives him a wave. He glances back, then turns away again. I walk them both to the door.
“It was nice seeing you,” I tell them before shutting the door behind them. I go to the kitchen and light up a cigarette. I place a hand on Kai’s shoulder.
“You okay? It looked like you were having an argument when I came in,” I ask, before taking a draw. The golden hour light is filling in the details of Kai’s face. I can see a trail on his cheeks left by tears. His eyes are bloodshot and wet.
“Yeah, I’m fine, honest,” he says, trying to force a smile. I look at him with my eyebrows raised.
“You don’t look fine.”
“Thanks very much, dickhead.”
“Doyouwant to stop being a dickhead and tell me what’s going on?” I retort, my eyebrows raised. He sways over slightly and shoots me a look. He then gives up and sighs.
“Okay, we had a small argument, nothing I haven’t dealt with before,” he tells me, relighting his cigarette. He brings the smoke into his lungs and exhales. The beams of sunlight intertwine with the wisps of smoke, as the two of us add to the charming display.
“She was always hard on you,” I point out, flicking ash into the ashtray. It’s beginning to pile up with cigarette butts.
“So what was the argument about?”
“How much did you hear?” He asks, eyeing me now. He moves his cowlick away from his forehead. He coughs a little before taking another draw. I get a glass and fill it up with water, and hand it to him.
“There was something you were considering telling me? And she was talking you out of it?” I tell him honestly. One thing Kaiand I have always done is never lie or keep secrets from each other. I think it’s probably why we’re so close, even now after being away for so long. Even the biggest secret we had between each other, him being trans and me being gay, was quickly told to the other. He was the first person I thought of telling.
“Yeah… I do have to tell you something. I’m just not sure if I’m ready yet,” he explains, looking away. He leans against the kitchen counter, spilling some ash onto it.
“Is it something serious?” I ask, tilting my head slightly. I continue smoking my cigarette, but it’s almost finished.
“It’s pretty serious. My Mum doesn’t want me to tell you, and part of me wants to agree with her,” he explains as he puts his cigarette out and places the butt into the ashtray. I do the same, and we move to the couch. We sit next to each other.
“I thought we told each other everything? There’s nothing I would judge you for,” I tell him, putting a hand on his shoulder. He shrugs it off and turns to face me.
“No, see this? This is a trap. You’re gonna hate me and I can’t face losing you again,” he tells me, his eyes becoming glassy again. A few tears begin to fall down his cheeks as he chokes out a whimper. I pull him in for a hug. As his face reaches my shoulder, he sobs and sobs and moans in a way I’ve never heard him do before.
“Why are you so upset? What’s going on?” I ask in quick succession, my voice growing in pitch. He takes his face off my shoulder as I grab a few tissues from the coffee table. I hand a few to him as he begins wiping his eyes. The tears keep flowing, his face wet.
“Well… I… um…” he begins, not knowing how to start. I’m patient with him, though, and soon he starts a coherent sentence.
“I’ve been really lonely. I’m not trying to say it’s your fault like… at all. But it was when you left. I tried going on dates, butnothing really happened. The only thing people wanted me for was my body. And so I got to the point where I had moved out and I needed a little extra cash, so I started posting pictures of myself online,” He starts, while tears continue to flow down his cheeks. I wipe his cheeks and smile at him.
“You thought I was going to judge you for that?” I ask him with a small laugh. He shakes his head.
“That’s only the start of the story,” he explains, his voice hitches. He wipes his nose with a tissue before continuing.
“So I did that online, and I met up with people to have sex too. I thought it was the only way I was ever going to be intimate with someone. I’d never fallen in love before. I thought sex was the only thing I was good for. But one day, someone messaged me,” he says, his voice quivering. He takes another cigarette out of the packet and lights it. He inhales it slowly and exhales, while I grab my own. He takes a few deep breaths before continuing.
