“His name was Ben. He was really nice. We talked about different things that we were into, like movies and stuff. He never once mentioned anything about my body. Then, one day, we decided to go on a date. He made me really happy, Noah. Like really happy,” he explains before his breath catches. Another tear rolls down his cheek. He wipes it away before taking another draw of his cigarette.
“So what happened?” I ask, coaxing him to continue. My heart beats hard in my chest. I catch myself tapping my fingers against my thighs.
“I… well, one night we were cuddling in bed. He said he wanted to be honest about something. I didn’t think it was going to be anything serious.” He pauses, taking deep breaths. He tries to keep himself composed. Another draw later, he continues his story.
“He told me he was part of the bronze family,” he cries, putting his head in his hands. Sobs escape his system again as he puts his cigarette in the ashtray. My whole body freezes.
“How bad is that? I’m disgusting,” he sobs, placing his head in his hands again. I slowly rub his back in an attempt to comfort him. I don’t think it’s enough, but I don’t know what else to do right now.
“You’re not disgusting.”
“I’m that lonely that I looked past all the red flags just because he was there for me. When he told me his secret, I should have been surprised, but part of me wasn’t. I knew it was too good to be true,” he cries, wiping his eyes with his forearm. I don’t know what to say. I continue rubbing his back, trying to come up with something to make him feel better.
“After he told me that, he left for America, so I ended up alone anyway.”
“Would you have stayed with him anyway?” I ask him, knowing the answer already.
“Not after that, but I never got to make that decision,” he explains.
“I’m not going to judge you for any of that, Kai. You know I would never. It’s not like you knew. I just want you to be okay,” I say with a soft smile. Kai smiles back, but doesn’t reply.
“Did he tell you anything else? Like, who else was a part of the bronze family?” I ask. Maybe Kai has the answers I’ve been looking for.
“No, he didn’t say anything like that.” Okay, maybe he doesn’t have the answers.
“Mum didn’t want me to tell you because… well obviously because of your Mum and stuff,” he explains, his hands trembling. He picks up his cigarette again and continues to smoke.
“Well, it’s not like you knew beforehand who he actually was,” I tell him, trying to put him at ease. He nods as he exhales the smoke in his lungs.
“He told me a fake name and shit. I feel so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid, Kai,” I tell him. Putting my hand on his shoulder. He gives me a soft smile. He begins to laugh quietly.
“I’m such a mess,” he sighs. He stubs out his cigarette.
“Do you want to get a Chinese or something and listen to music?” I ask him in a bid to cheer him up. I hate seeing my friends like this.
“Yeah, I would really like that.”
“I also have another question, and feel free to say no if you aren’t up for it. But we’ve been invited to go to Flambards with Teddy and his friends, if you want to join us?” I ask, smiling at him. He begins to smile again, and my heart begins to slow down to its normal pace. His trembling has finally stopped. His eyes look puffy, but not glassy anymore.
“Yeah, I would love to. I haven’t been there in ages.”
“Mind when your Mum used to take us as kids?” I ask him. I think back to the days during summer when we had the best days ever, just riding rollercoasters all day. Those were much simpler times. We were just kids being kids. I sometimes wish I could go back to those days.
“Yeah, we would never ride the bee coaster because we were too scared,” he laughs, resulting in a laugh from me, too.
“I think it’ll be fun. And you’ll get to meet everyone too. I think you’ll get along with them really well.”
“You think so?” He asks, looking at me now. I know he’s usually nervous about new people, but something about the fact that I get on well with them usually puts him at ease.
“Iknowso,” I say with a smile.
A moment passes, and I try to break the silence with a joke.
“So I’m roommates with a porn star. That’s a new one.”
“Oh my god, I didn’t think I’d ever tell anyone that,” Kai sighs, hiding his face. “This is so awkward,” he mutters.
