Jules remained silent until we were both seated and buckled in. After I programmed the address of University Hospital into the navigation app, I began backing down the driveway and she resumed her conversation, although haltingly.
“I saw Sue, um, coming out of the bathroom while, uh, Ivy and I were leaving the mansion.”
I hooted, understanding her discomfort. “Sue was at the stripper show?”
“Well, remember, I don’t know if they were strippers,” Jules replied, sounding like she wanted to be swallowed by the passenger seat. “Maybe just dancers with very little in the way of clothes?”
I signaled to turn on the state route that would take us, eventually, to Bloomington. Then we’d head north to Madison. It would be a quiet drive for the most part, but the lack of traffic would hopefully translate to an arrival without delay.
I returned my focus to Jules. “We’ll come back to that in a minute. So Sue was there?”
She almost whispered her response, like even she couldn’t believe the way the night had unfolded. “Yep. Luckily, I didn’t see her in the show, so I don’t have those memories. But she asked where we were going, and Ivy filled her in. Before I could even ask, she told me to take the time I needed.” Even while looking forward, I could see her shake her head in my peripheral. “I don’t know what to do with a boss like her.”
I reached over to grab her hand for just a moment. I needed to be connected. She sounded lost, and that wasn’t something I wanted her to be, being all too familiar with that feeling myself. “Maybe just enjoy it?” I asked, trying to inject some teasing tone to get us to a lighter place.
We passed the next ten minutes in silence. Outside my SUV, dusk was upon us, the sun having set about half an hour ago. Both sides of the road had barren fields rolling to the horizon, too early in April for any hint of the crops that were to come. Our silence wasn’t awkward but comfortable. I had the same feeling of “rightness” that had filled me up whenever I was around Jules from the moment we met. It was as if part of my soul recognized hers, which absolutely sounded like something woo-woo that Ivy would say. I made a mental note to never say that in her presence because I knew I’d never hear the end of it. I drove through the curves of the road, the only vehicle visible for miles. That peaceful bubble of denial of our present circumstances that I was enjoying, however, was not to last.
“What do you know about your parents’ accident?” Jules asked as she slid her hand onto my thigh. Just her touch grounded me, and I had a feeling she knew that.
I sighed and ran through the events of the evening. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was just a bit past eight. All this had unfolded in the past ninety minutes. Unreal at how quickly everything could change.
“One of the partners at my father’s office called. My parents were headed home from a fundraiser when my dad lost control of the car and ran into a tree.” Even as I said it, I could hear the lack of emotion in my voice. That likely wasn’t healthy, but it was something to deal with later. “Ivy’s parents called me shortly after. They were at the same gathering and saw the accident, then stayed at the scene until the ambulance got there and followed it to the hospital. They’re the ones who told me the outlook was not good.” I slid my hand onto Jules’s on my thigh, squeezing it briefly before returning it to the steering wheel.
“Are they still at the hospital?” Jules asked.
“Yeah, they’re staying until I get there or…” I trailed off, thinking Jules would get it. If my parents passed, there would be no reason for the Jameses to wait around.
“Oh, Noah. How are you doing with this?” Jules sounded near tears herself.
I quickly looked over to give her what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “Better than I should be,” I said quietly. She looked at me quizzically, and I got my eyes back to the road. “I lost them a long time ago, Jules.”
“It’s not the same,” she said quietly.
“No, it isn’t, but in some ways this loss is less painful.”
“How?” Her tone betrayed her confusion and doubt. I knew she thought I was lying to myself, downplaying the hurt. Maybe I was, but I had my doubts.
“This separation from them if they do pass and it sounds like, unfortunately for them, that is the likely conclusion, isn’t their choice. They aren’t choosing to leave me and their grandchild behind. But theydidmake that choice six years ago and they haven’t changed their mind even though they had many opportunities to do so. That hurt more, you know? That they would rather go through life without us than with us just because I wasn’t conforming to what they considered acceptable.” Myheart ached just thinking about it. There was nothing that Addie could ever do that would make me want to turn my back on her. Not for the first time, hell, not for the hundredth, I wondered why my parents were the way they were.
“I’m so sorry, Noah.” Jules’s voice had so much compassion laced through it; I felt it like warmth around me.
“For what, kitten? You aren’t responsible for the actions of adults you’ve never met.” I gave her a small smile in the dim light of the car, trying to reassure her.
She squeezed my thigh. “Silly, I’m not sorry for them, I’m sorry you’ve lived your life with parents who didn’t reinforce to you on a daily basis the amazing person you have grown into.”
The highway lay ahead of us like the yellow brick road taking us to the wizard, but there would be no wonderful land at the end of this one. I tried to take my brain to the end of our trip, of what I would find there, and just couldn’t. Instead, I focused on Jules’s words.
“Is that what your parents do for you? Remind you of who you are?” I tried to conjure up what Jules’s mom and dad would be like, but I was coming up blank.
Jules let out a small chuckle. “I don’t know, you could say that. My parents are flighty and forgetful. My mom loves to be dramatic, but I’ve never questioned their love for me. They might forget to pay a bill or to wear shoes out of the house when they’re going to the store, but I know they have my best interests at heart even when I don’t want to admit it.”
“Sounds like a story there,” I noted. I felt rather than saw her shrug.
“Yeah, I guess. My mom freaked when she came to visit me almost two months back. She decided I was overworked and not supported and begged me to move to Highland Falls so that Lou could watch over me after what Lou termed my ‘Chicago meltdown,’ though I think that is a high exaggeration.” Jules’stone was tolerant and full of obvious affection even if she didn’t agree.
“Why not move to wherever your parents live, not that I want you anywhere but Highland Falls,” I said with a bit of a possessive growl.
“My parents are nomads,” Jules said, sounding indulgent. “They retired to live in a motor home and are always on the move.”
