“All the more reason for him to be around someone who actually cares about him.” Verdell gave me a small push toward Ivy, who was coming back from our group. “Go.”
I took Ivy’s hand and ran from the room, energy and excitement at our back, sadness and uncertainty ahead.
Chapter 14
Facing Old Demons
Noah
I glanced at my phone, biting back the unpleasant feelings swirling in my stomach. I’d texted Jake and Ivy to tell them about the accident since I wanted Addie to know why I’d be out of town. Jake had said he or Ivy would be by shortly to grab some of Addie’s stuff before I left, but Ads was in bed doing the nighttime routine, headed for dreamland shortly. That was fine—I’d FaceTime her tomorrow. The problem I was dealing with was though they lived mere blocks away, we were closing on half an hour, and I needed to hit the road. They had a key to my place, so in reality I didn’t need to wait, but I was.
You should be honest with yourself even if you couldn’t be with anyone else, right? And the deepest truth that I didn’t want to own was that I didn’t want to go to Madison. Was I upset that my parents were in an accident that looked like it was going to take both of their lives? Of course I was. I wouldn’t wish ill upon them no matter how fractured our relationship was. But did I think their current reality was going to make them want to have some healing last words with me before they passed to acknowledge their narcissistic behavior and leave this world with an apology on their lips and closure in their hearts? Nope.Wouldn’t happen. If anything, I had a feeling that their finite time left would just serve to piss them off and they’d take it out on anyone around them. Well, if they could. I hadn’t had any update since the first call, so I wasn’t sure what I was walking into, but I knew the odds were that it wouldn’t be good, and that made me want to run like hell.
Sometimes being an adult sucked.
The sound of a car door slamming brought me back to the present. I turned and grabbed my backpack and my hastily packed duffel. I had no idea how long I’d be gone, so I went with enough essentials for a week. I was just straightening up when I heard the front door open.
“Hope it’s okay that I’m just going to leave you here to ransack the place for anything you need,” I called out to Jake or Ivy, whichever one had finally arrived. “I’m going to get on the road so I’m there before midnight—” Anything else I was going to say evaporated from my mind as I turned to see Jules standing inside my front door, looking uncertain.
“Hey, Jules,” I started, not sure what was happening, but then I looked behind her through the open front door and onto the stoop. I saw a small carry-on bag standing there. I looked from it to Jules, and a whole lot began to click into place, namely why on earth the meddlesome Jake and Ivy had taken so long to get to my place. Though now that I thought of it, Ivy would have been with Jules at book club. In all that happened, my brain had gone offline.
“Noah.” Jules looked like she was beyond jittery. “I’m so sorry—I’m being beyond presumptuous.” A flush was working its way up her neck, which I still loved. Her hands were flying around of their own accord until she’d grab them, wring them together, then let them loose once again.
I realized she’d been talking, and I’d tuned her out as I cataloged her movements instead. She seemed like she could beworking herself into a state to hyperventilate or faint once again, so I moved forward to put what I hoped was a calming hand on her flailing ones. Piecing the suitcase and her behavior together, I had a guess as to what was going on.
“Jules, are you planning to travel to Madison with me?” I asked as gently as I knew how.
She nodded, clearly holding something back, and then lost that battle as it all bubbled over. “It’s too much, isn’t it? I mean, we’ve known each other for just over a week, what do I know about what you need, right?” She continued before I had the opportunity to answer. “That’s what I told Ivy and Verdell. All I said is you shouldn’t be alone, and you shouldn’t!” She looked fierce at that comment. “But then Ivy was like, ‘Oh, you should go.’ And Verdell concurred. And I could barely focus because there were strippers—or maybe they were just dancers? I’m not sure—I didn’t stay long enough to find out. But sidenote, Lou was on stage with them, and I don’t think I have enough brain bleach in the world to rid me of that memory.” She shook her head violently. “At any rate, now I’m here and Ivy took off and I feel like an idiot.” She was close to tears, but I wasn’t sure I could get past a few statements that just tumbled out of her. My brain pinged in so many directions it was hard to focus.
“Breathe, Jules.” I took her hands, noting that hers were dwarfed by mine.
“I should be comforting you,” she whispered and squeezed me back.
I gave her a smile. “You are, kitten. You cared enough to be upset on my behalf and decided you needed to go on this hellish journey with me.”
She took a deep breath. Then another.
“Now, I absolutely need to know more about the dancers/strippers, but I’d like to get on the road. And in case it’s not evident, I’m more than okay with you traveling with me.”The warmth in my body that started with realizing Jules cared enough that she wanted to ensure I wasn’t alone hadn’t dissipated. “It’ll likely take just shy of four hours to get to Madison. But I have to double-check, are you certain you want to go with me?”
“Yes.” She squeezed my hands again. “I’m the representative for Ivy and Jake, not to mention Addie— Oh!” She turned around to pull something out of her purse and handed me a drawing. I knew immediately it was my daughter’s. She did have a signature style.
Jules unfurled it, revealing a drawing of a little blond girl with her arms out, a delightfully clashing outfit clearly indicating that this was my Addie—striped leggings and signature tutu the clearest signs. In her hands, she held a rainbow heart, and in her five-year-old handwriting, she’d written, “I love you, Daddy.” Not all the letters faced the right way, but I treasured her writing as it was.
I looked to Jules, and she seemed to know my unasked questions. “Ivy and I left the show and swung by my house for my bag. I gave her and Jake a key so they could check on O’Malley for me, and then we went by their place so that Jake could run this out to us and also”—she turned, leaned behind her suitcase, and pulled out Ellie, Addie’s Elephant—“Addie wanted you to have this.”
A metaphorical hit to the chest, it was as if I’d had my breath knocked out of me. I knew I’d gasped. “But…”
Jules held up a hand. “Ivy said you’d try to leave this here because you’d be worried about Addie being sad when she didn’t have Ellie to sleep with. Ivy asked me to tell you that yes, that might happen, but the bigger lesson of Addie caring so much about you that she wanted you to have it because she thought you’d need it was not one you could say no to. She wanted me totell you it would be good for Ads to know she was giving her dad comfort when she couldn’t.”
Jesus. The blessings in my life knew no bounds, which was an odd-as-fuck thought when your parents were in the hospital, not likely to make it. But with that reminder, I looked at Jules. “Thanks for doing this—bringing Addie’s gifts but also wanting to come.”
“So you’re good with me traveling with you? You’re sure?”
“I’m sure if you are; however, what about your work?”
“Already cleared with Sue. I can do some remote work to review returns for them as well as some other paperwork. She, uh…” Jules’s face began heating up again.
I squeezed her hand to follow me out the door as I locked up. “She what?” I asked as we reached my car.
