At the track, Reid isn’t getting out of the van. “Addie, are you gonna to be okay to drive to the campsite?” His voice is shaky.
“Yeah, I’m good.” The passenger door slams behind me. I’m most certainly not good, but it feels like I have to be if Chloe is holding it together so well.
He looks like he doesn’t believe me. He’s still sitting in the drivers seat. While I’m waiting for him to get out, Callum walksover. “Addie,” he says and pulls me into a hug. It surprises me how good it feels.
“How is she?”
I’m not sure if Callum and Chloe have ever talked, but he looks genuinely concerned.
The words taste funny. “She seems okay honestly. There’s a very good chance she’ll never be able to walk again, but she seems oddly at peace with that.”
Callum nods as if it makes sense to him. I’m not sure how it possibly could.
“So, a bunch of us are going to go drive to this hot spring tonight. It’s kind of far, but I feel like we all need a restful night after today. A distraction from everything with Chloe.”
It feels wrong to distract myself from something so horrible. If Chloe has to endure it, shouldn’t I at least bear witness to it? But my therapist says I need to stop punishing myself all the time, so I find it in me to reply, “How far?”
“About two hours each way. But it’ll be worth it! I’ll drive.”
Reid has finally peeled himself out of my driver’s seat, and he puffs his chest out a little bit. He’s staking his claim on Willa or something. Too bad—I make it known he doesn’t have a stake on anything. “Callum, can you drive Willa? I want to be able to shower and stuff.”
The idea of him being in my van makes me nauseous, but I need any and all comfort right now. He looks unsure of himself. “Uh, yeah, sure.”
Callum glances towards Reid like he needs his approval or something. So I wrap my hand around his bicep just to show Reid who I’m choosing tonight. Maybe a road trip will be good for Callum and I. We haven’t exactly had a whole lot of alone time to get to know each other.
Thankfully, Reid and I drove here separately this morning,so he heads off to his own van alone, and Callum shouts after him, “I’ll text you the location, man.”
Reid nods in approval, and my eyes can’t stop watching him walk away. I open the side door for Callum and proceed with the tour. “So here is the kitchen. It’s very small. Everything is very small.”
“This is way nicer than I expected it to be.”
I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a backhanded compliment, but I let it roll off of me anyways. “I spent a lot of time designing it.”
When we get to the shower, his mouth is agape. “This is fucking sick.”
“I agree.” A bit of pride shines through my words.
The bikes are still covered in mud—we tossed them back here as fast as possible so we could get to the hospital. I should insist we wash them right now, but I’ll put it off until it’s time to shower later—and Iwillbe showering before we leave—I love a hot spring, but I cannot suffer through two hours of driving with that sulfur smell.
We’re standing there in my makeshift shower when it hits me how intimate this excursion is going to be.
“Do you want a coffee or a snack before we drive?”
“Sure.”
I make my usual latte, and I make him an Americano at his request. He’s shifting the seat around, and my heart clenches seeing another man in that driver’s seat. But I sit down next to him anyway and smile broadly, even though all I’m thinking about is Chloe lying in that cold bed.
The drive takes forever. You’d think after months on the road, two hours would feel like nothing, but it still feels exactly like two hours, if not more. I’m so tempted to go take a nap in the back of Willa, but that’s not exactly safe, so I sit in heavysilence while Callum drives, focusing myself on the beats of whatever song is playing so I don’t start crying.
He tries to spark a conversation with me a few times, but I can’t manage it. At one point, he rests his hand on my knee, and it takes everything in me not to move away. It’s not him, it’s everything else.
The trail head is teeming with rowdy bikers. Reid is already here, of course he beat us. I always tell him he drives too fast, so he usually slows down whenever we’re in the car together. When he’s alone, he drives like he bikes—recklessly. I’m relieved to see him in one piece.
Everyone is standing in a semi circle, passing around a joint. I’m shocked there’s only one. Usually, there’s at least three at any given time at one of these get-togethers. I’m usually the one to refrain, but tonight I’m partaking. Callum already told me he would stay sober so he can drive us back. We make our way over to the group, and Reid looks me up and down.
I change before we drive off, but I still look flustered. If the healing properties of hot springs are even somewhat true, I need them to pull through tonight. Chloe insisted she was glad I completed my run, but I still feel immense guilt about it.
Callum helps me down out of the van, but doesn’t let go of my hand right away. I tug my fingers free from his as casually as I can.
