At least I could piss on my own once they took the catheter out. I was still unsure if my dick worked for anything else, though. No matter what I thought about, I hadn’t been hard since I woke up.
It was another reason I pushed Jessie away. She deserved more. She deserved a man who could make love to her, a man who could father her children. I’d seen her with Ryder and Ellie’s two girls. She adored them. She’d be a wonderful mother, and if I couldn’t give her that, then she deserved to be with someone who could.
Everyone else climbed out of the truck while I sat and waited for someone to bring the chair around. I glared at it as Carson unfolded it and set it outside my door.
When he reached for me, I smacked his hands away.
“I can fucking do it myself.”
“It’s a big drop, Gray. Let me help until you get used to it.”
I stared at the chair I would be basically living in. Carson was right; the truck was too high for me to hold the chair and drop into it.
“Fine,” I grumbled. He reached under my arms and lifted me almost completely over his shoulder. When my ass hit theseat, the chair rolled back. “You didn’t set the fucking brake?” I shouted as I pushed him away. He was practically lying in my lap.
“Sorry. We all have some things to learn.”
I didn’t apologize. It didn’t take a fucking rocket scientist to know you needed to set the brake on a wheelchair. It was as obvious as setting the parking brake on the car before you change the fucking tire.
I shoved him off and wheeled myself over to the barn. Only when I got there did I realize I couldn’t roll up the goddamn ramp. I reached back as far as I could and grabbed the wheel, trying to pull it forward and get the momentum I needed to move up the incline. When I did, the chair began to tip backward, and if Hudson hadn’t been right behind me, I would have fallen back and probably hit my head again.
“Just let us help.” He pushed me up into the barn and instead of letting go, he continued on to the last stall where Thunder was. His head peeked out over the door, and he looked at me. I swear his eyes bulged out when he saw me so close to the ground.
“Hey, boy, you doing okay?” I reached up and rubbed his nose, letting him smell my scent. He shook his head as if to say yes. But I knew he had to be uncomfortable with that saddle still on his back. I wasted no time unlocking the latch on his door and pulling it open. Thunder leaned his head down so I could nuzzle his face with mine.
When I scooted the chair forward, he jumped back. I whispered to him the way I always had, and he settled quickly.
“I know, boy. This thing sucks, but we’ve got to make do for now.” I ran my hands down his throat, over his legs and flanks. “Let’s get this thing off you.” I reached under his belly and unhooked the billet strap holding the saddle on his back. When the buckle let go, I pulled the heavy saddle onto my lap.
“Someone wanna come get this thing?” I called. My brothers stood frozen in the aisle of the barn.
“You guys are babies. Let me have it.” Addie said, reachingfor the saddle. Once she took it from me, she handed it off to Emerson, and Hudson handed her a brush, which she put in my hand.
I didn’t thank her. I probably should have. But my focus was on Thunder. He hadn’t been brushed in days, so I immediately went to work, reaching as far up as I could.
The further I reached, the angrier I became until I finally backed up and set the brake. I launched myself onto the floor of the stall, not caring about the literal shit I might be sitting in, then I tapped Thunder on the leg until he lay down beside me.
With us both on the floor, I leaned over him as I brushed off the dirt and debris and hair that had been neglected since I was in the hospital. I crawled over my horse for an hour, making sure every inch of his body had been brushed and pampered.
By the time I was done, I was the one who needed the sweat and dirt and dead skin brushed off. I would need help to get off the floor, but wasn’t sure my brothers were brave enough to come near me. Thunder wouldn’t bother them as long as I was here.
“Open his gate and let him out,” I called to my brothers. One of them would make sure it happened.
Once the door was open, Thunder looked back at me. “Go on.” He snorted once and then trotted out into the paddock. “Someone get me off this fucking floor.”
Hudson and Emerson each grabbed an arm and hefted me up into the chair. I rolled out, and the door was closed and locked behind me. I didn’t stop to wait for them. I pushed myself forward toward the open barn door and the fresh air just beyond it.
When I got to the entrance, I eyed the ramp and, instead of waiting for help, I pushed myself off and down the ramp. My arms were strong enough to hold me back, but my emotions kept me from seeing reason. My anger and frustration at the chair I was stuck in, maybe for the rest of my life, had me dismissing the notion that I couldn’t take care of myself.
I hit the ramp lip and shoved myself forward. The wheelsbegan to roll, and my fingers twisted in the spokes as I hit the bottom and fell forward, my body landing on the ground.
The fucking chair on top of me.
“Goddammit!”
“Gray, you gotta take it easy,” Addie cried as she pulled the chair from my back. “You’ll hurt yourself.”
“What more can I do, Addie? Break my fucking back?”
