When I got home last night, Jared barged into my room, yelling at me for taking the bus home. I called Alli briefly to tell her I was okay and that I’d be busy over the weekend. Busy trying to ignore what’s being said about me on Twitter or X, whatever it’s called at this point.
I was dead set on not drinking anymore for the night when I promised Tyler, but then phones were buzzing, the stares followed, and the casual pointing began–it was like I time traveled back to when I was a kid during one of the lowest points of my life.
No one wanted to be my walking buddy during competition days. No one wanted to sit next to me on the bus. No one helped me with my bow. No one sat with me during lunch. No one talked to me. I was always the laughing stock for any little reason, like if I wore the same colored spanx in a week or if my shirt had a stain. If I spoke up, I got laughed at for my small voice. All the girls teamed up against me and made sure I knew how it felt that I didn’t belong there.
I know what’s being said on social media. It’s the same shit from years ago. All the trauma from years ago came back when I saw Emilie standing in front of me. She was the core leader of my torment. To put it simply, I was better than her at everything on our team. Better tumbler, better dancer, better jumper, better everything. The one thing she had over my head, though? Power.
That’s how she managed to get everyone to turn on me and eventually bully me off the team.
The trauma still resonates with me to this day. I managed to get over it when I joined Skyline’s team and was able to finish a routine successfully without mockery following it. But it couldn’t all work out fine. It all feels like a way too vivid déjà vu with Cassie.
Is she the one behind all of this? The tweets were posted on our school’s informal gossip page. Jaredassuresme he’s working on figuring out this shit and that it’s going to get taken down.
But the damage is done. I’m being labeled a show off, a boyfriend stealer, and more that I don’t really care about. Those two struck me the most.
Aunt Lina checked in on me, leaving me noodles for lunch earlier before she went out to my godmother’s house. I have no clue where Jared went, he’s probably on a witch hunt for the person who blasted me on social media. He’s tried to get Alli to come over and babysit me, but I’ve assured them I don’t needanyone hovering over me like I’m fragile and going to break any second.
The day lazily shifts into night, the sun fading out with an air of calmness that I definitely don’t feel.
“Staring at the ceiling won’t make this any easier,” I tell myself, rolling over and pushing myself off the bed. The longer I lie here, the more the thoughts swirl, the more the doubts grow. I need some air, a change of scenery.
I make my way to the kitchen, craving nothing more than a glass of water.
“I see you decided to come out of your room,” Ralph’s voice startles me, pulling my attention away from the quietness.
“You make it sound like I’m in hibernation,” I answer, offering a faint smile.
“I haven’t seen you in twenty-four hours, maybe you are hibernating,” Ralph pours himself a glass of water. “Or maybe hiding from something,someone?”
I choke on my water. “What makes you think that?”
“He’s came over twice already. Brought you those flowers.” Ralph says casually, jutting his chin to the island that I completely overlooked earlier.
Pink roses.
I walk over to the bouquet and study them for a moment. I take a deep breath and set them down, not wanting to relive through his confession right now. “Great,” I mutter.
“Something wrong?” Ralph asks, his gaze fixed on the bouquet. “Most girls your age would be all heart eyes or goo goo gah gah, if that’s what they say nowadays.”
“Don’t say that ever again, Ralph.” I exchange with a quiet chuckle.
“Want to talk about it?”
“As my stepfather or my unofficial therapist?”
“Stepfather.”
I take a seat across from Ralph at the dining table, nursing my glass of water. With one knee hugged to my chest, I rest my chin on it. Maybe Ralph notices the weariness in my eyes. I’m tired.
“So…”
“So…” Ralph echoes back, “care to explain last night?”
“What do you mean?”
“I was your age once, I know what a hangover looks like,” he replies with a tired chuckle. His unexpected response brings an odd sense of comfort.
“I just wanted to forget.”
