As the words spill out, it feels like a dam has burst, each painful memory finding its way out, raw and unfiltered.
“Are you okay?” he says as his gentle eyes meet mine. They hold a certain familiarity, the kind that haunts me in the middle of the day and in my dreams. It’s a look I recognize all too well, one that stirs something deep within me.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I whisper, my chest rising and falling with the weight of emotions crashing over me.
“Like what?”
“Like you fucking pity me. I don’t need your pity. I never wanted it from anyone. Not my family, not my friends and certainly not you.”
“Serena, I don’t pity you. I care about you! There’s a difference,” Tyler responds, his voice cracking as everything cracks around us.
“I don’t need anyone’s care. I’m fine on my own,” I retort, my voice burning with a defensive edge while also on the verge of tears.
“Fine on your own?” His pitch rises slightly.
“Why do you care so much!” I reply, the words carrying a weight of sarcasm that alcohol is fueling.
“Because I love you!”
Time stops. Everything stops.
The running alcohol in my veins halts.
“Serena, I love you.”
My breath hitches.
“The day I met you, I knew you were going to mean something to me. I regret not getting your number that day. I kept going back, hoping to see you, but you were never there,” he recounts, “I remember running into you at the lake and I thought I was dreaming. Then in the hallway I saw you again, and I never imagined I’d get another chance to see you when I kept missing every opportunity just to get your number. I remember watching the door that first day of school, hoping you’d walk in and we’d be classmates, but I didn’t see you until you became my tutor. As I got to know you, I spent more time with you… Something changed, and I found myself head over heels for you, completely.”
My chest constricts, his words lingering heavily in the air between us. The party’s distant thumps and laughter fade into nothingness, leaving only Tyler and his confession. I feel naked, vulnerable, and reallyreallycaught off guard by his confession.
“Look, I know this is going to fuck up our… friendship, ’cause I said I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but I fell in love with you and I would love it if you’d let me in, sunshine.”
I take a step back, my mind racing with a million thoughts. I try to respond, but the alcohol and the rush of emotions inside me render me speechless. It’s like time has been frozen, waiting for my reaction, for my words to form, but they don’t.
Tyler’s eyes search mine, seeking an answer, a sign, any hint of what’s going on in my head. But all I can manage is a weak, “I... I need to go.”
I stumble away from him, my thoughts are tangled, and I need to find space. The cool night air brushes against my skin, offering a momentary escape from the whirlwind of emotions raging within me.
I tune out Tyler calling out for me. I ignore Alli, Jared, and the multiple phone calls that I get when I get to the bus stop.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Chapter 33
Serena
Waking up with the mother of all hangovers was definitely not on my agenda. I wanted to forget last night’s rollercoaster, but it’s all rushing back now.
My unexpected encounter with the woman who gave birth to me, running into Emilie, and Tyler’s confession. How do you digest all that over a cup of coffee and a couple of aspirins?
Tyler’s confession remains in my mind. Totally unexpected. It’s not like we were dating, I mean, yes, I lost my virginity to him, and maybe it counts for something. Still, I’m left with a huge question mark as to why everything’s happening all at once. Why last night? Did he mean it? Was it a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing?
But it felt so genuine…
If he meant what he said, did our love story really begin in the summer?
My phone lies dormant on my nightstand with missed calls and unread messages from my friends and likely from Tyler too. I’ve been on radio silence since I got home after taking the bus, a tactic I guess I thought would magically clear my thoughts. But really, how do you tell your friends you’re trying to sort through a hurricane of emotions and are not ready to talk about it?That maybe you never will?
