“I’ve heard of this before,” he exclaimed with renewed energy. “Dissociative memory.” He kissed the top of my head, catching me by surprise. “It’s okay, Ela. I also heard it’s temporary. You’ll recall your memories overtime and …”
“My lady?” I heard Robin’s voice from somewhere, and standing toward the dining hall were my twin knights and Mia. They had horrified looks on their faces, and there was only one explanation — they had heard what I said to Elias.
At least that was one worry out of the way, right?
Chapter Ten
What better way to talk about my issues than over food?
“That’s why you suddenly acted differently,” Mia lamented as she spooned mashed potatoes into her mouth. “I thought it was a side effect of that weird fever weeks ago. You went from quiet and reserved to enthusiastic and excited over the little things.”
Robin and Reuben remained silent as they sat on either side of me but ate their lunch as I requested.
“I mean, I really liked the change,” Mia admitted, looking apologetic. “You asked me on the way to Aerahelm, and all the while I was worried you’d regress if I pointed it out.”
I remembered the conversation all too clearly, and I had a slight panic attack then, too.
Unfortunately, I still wasn’t truthful a hundred percent. I couldn’t. Not without knowing the repercussions.
“Did you somehow go through something traumatic while you were under our watch?” Robin mumbled from my right, poking at his food. “We can’t even know if you don’t remember anything.”
“We were too focused on training to pay attention to you.” Reuben gripped his fork so tight his knuckles turned white. “It’s our fault this happened to you.”
“No!” I took both of their free hands in mine, surprising them. “Never think that. We will eventually figure this out, but never think this is your fault. Besides, I am fine ... mostly.”
They both looked at me worriedly but kept their hands tucked in my grasp.
I glanced at Elias, seated with us right next to Mia. He was having his lunch too, and as he met my eyes, I implored him through our shared look to help me reassure my bodyguards that I would be fine.
He stared back with raised eyebrows, silent. Of course he wouldn’t get it; it wasn’t like he could read my mind.
“Did I really change that much?” I changed the topic and directed the question to Mia. I swallowed first before asking, “Like I’m a different person?”
“It’s not so much a different person, more like a different facet of you?” Mia answered as she drank her juice. “You’re still you, Miss Bea. Only livelier. More, err, unpredictable? More confident with yourself.”
I turned to my knights to get their input, but they stayed quiet. When I turned to Elias, he shrugged. “It’s been several years since I last saw you, so I can only compare you to my old memories. Very inaccurate.” He smiled. “If it makes you feel better, I like you the way you are right now.”
Somehow, it did make me feel better. Even though I didn’t deserve it.
My knights remained quiet as we finished our lunch, and I couldn’t help but feel I had seriously fucked something up.
When we returned to my dorm room, sans Elias, Mia began her daily chores while I called my knights to my bedroom. We needed to have a serious conversation.
While guarding my secret.
I sat on my bed as they stood in front of me. “Now that we’re alone, tell me what you really think.” I crossed my arms on my chest to show a little bit of authority.
Robin immediately went down on his knees. “It feels wrong for me to feel this way! I’m so sorry, Bea. I should’ve said something!”
“What are you talking about?” I gasped. I didn’t understand why they continued to feel guilty in my situation. I reached for him, but Reuben caught my hand instead, as he too, knelt on the floor on one knee.
“We knew something changed with you from the very first time you met us after your fever,” he admitted. “And much like Mia, we like this newer version of you. I apologize for our selfishness.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Selfishness?”
Robin answered, “We were selfish for only thinking of ourselves. We didn’t stop to consider the possibility of you getting hurt as the cause of your change. It was as if nothing else mattered because we were only looking out for our own interests.”
“Even if we like the new you, we would’ve doneanythingto make sure no harm ever falls on you,” Reuben added. “We dedicate our lives to you, Bea. Please never forget that.”
