What the hell was happening? I felt even more guilty for making them believe I only had a malfunctioning memory, and not the fact that I was a completely different entity.
This was the only way to prevent anyone from knowing. If the Kingdom discovered a presence detached from this universe, would they treat me as a pariah like the Demon Lord?
Would the Kingdom try to kill me?
Nobodycould ever know.
In the meantime, I needed to indulge them so they stopped blaming themselves. “I forgive you both,” I said, trying to meanit. “What’s in the past is in the past. I promise that if I remember what caused this change, I will immediately let you know. We can worry about it then. Right now, I need my twin knights back, please?”
Robin smiled lopsidedly before he dropped his head on my lap. “We don’t deserve you, angel.”
“Thank you,” Reuben also smiled, planting a chaste kiss on the hand he was holding.
I cleared my throat as I patted Robin’s short silver hair. “If I say something weird, tell me, alright? Just imagine me as someone learning the ropes again.” More likefor the first time.I was thankful that Mia and my knights were more than willing to answer my questions about the world whenever I had them.
Wait … now that I thought about it, if all three of them realized I wasn’t my usual self, then that explained why they engaged with my questions. I was an idiot to think I could’ve fooled them this whole time, when they would’ve already memorized my mannerisms and personality.
I could understand not recognizing the change from my pseudo-parents — they rarely saw me since they were busy running the barony — or Alec, who I only saw once or twice a year during his entire schooling. Much more for others who hadn’t seen me since my debutante ball.
Being a recluse worked out in my favor.
“We’ll help you recover your memories,” Reuben promised, and that was the best that I should get. I shouldn’t ask for anything more from them.
God, I couldn’t wait to get back to the real world. Deceiving people wasn’t really fun. The guilt alone was eating me up from the inside. Even those times when I hooked up with random strangers, I had always been true to myself. I never made shit up so they’d find me more attractive. It was the real me or bust, and if they didn’t like it, then that was their loss.
Being stuck here was the antithesis to my principle.
It was fun discovering a new world though, right?
It would be funnier if I didn’t have to pretend to be somebody else. And didn’t have to argue with my own brain.
Technically, Iwasbeing true to myself in a way. That was how my companions figured out I wasn’t exactly the same.
Still notme.
I am me.
I clutched my head with my hands. Really not a pleasant experience arguing with myself.
“Sorry, I think I need to lie down for a bit,” I told my knights, who were watching me with distraught looks. “I have a headache.”
“Are your memories coming back?” Robin asked, both hopeful and hesitant.
“It won’t be that easy,” Reuben scoffed, and the two of them helped me onto my bed, fluffing my pillows first before laying me down.
“Thank you, babes,” I mumbled, closing my eyes.
When I came to, it was already dark, judging from the sky through my window. How long did I sleep? I didn’t plan on taking a nap, but as soon as my head hit the pillow, I quite literally passed out.
Was it time to have dinner? I hoped they’d eaten already and didn’t wait for me. I didn’t like people to be hungry because of me.
Pushing myself up slowly, I made sure my head wasn’t throbbing with pain.
“Bea …” a voice whispered from the shadows of my room that had my hackles rising. My eyes hadn’t adjusted to the dark, and I couldn’t see anyone. I grabbed a pillow and held it like a weapon. Was it my imagination?
I remained still, willing my heart and my breathing to calm. My eyes darted everywhere as I waited for them to adjust to the darkness.
When I could make out shapes, I bided my time, listening for someone else’s breathing, but there was none. Hallucinations,seriously? Maybe I was that hungry for dinner already.
