“No. I did my duty to protect those unable to protect themselves. I feel no guilt or remorse,” Nathan said.
“Then where does your guilt come from?” Gemma asked.
Nathan opened his mouth to speak but could not say the words. It was not because of the short time that he had known this woman for. In the night and the day since they had met, he felt that they had crammed in several days’ worth of company. As though they had compressed a week’s worth of courtship into those few hours. His reluctance came from a fear that she would think less of him.
How else would one who had never known the cruelty of a father think? Gemma knew her father and knew she was loved. She could not help but judge me based on that experience. And she would find me wanting in that judgment. I would not have her view of me tainted.
“It does not matter. There are many things,” he said, finally.
“Of course,” Gemma replied.
She sounded disappointed and Nathan knew that his reluctance to share such an intimacy with her must have hurt.
I have just reminded her that she is not supposed to be here, was never intended to be a part of my life. She is thinking now that I am pushing her away.
Gemma took her hand away and, a moment later, Nathan tried to take it back. But she had moved to pick up her coffee cup from its place on the balcony in front of her. Nathan’s movement was driven by agitation and was clumsy. He felt the cup against his fingers moments before he upset it. There was a feeling of liquid spreading across the back of his hand at the same time as a gasp from Gemma. Then, a heartbeat later, the scalding pain hit him. Too late, he pulled his hand back from the danger, heard the cup roll against stone, then silence, followed by a crash of breaking porcelain moments later.
“Nathan! Your hand!” Gemma cried.
He felt her fingers about his wrist and resisted the impulse to pull the hand close to him protectively.
“We shall have to get it into cold water immediately. Oh my, but that coffee was hot!”
“It is my fault. I was clumsy,” Nathan said with anger. “Damn and blast these eyes!”
“Well, let’s get that burn cooled down, shall we?” Gemma said with naked concern in her voice.
She was trying to steer Nathan toward the doors but he stopped her, ignoring the growing pain on the back of his hand.
“Gemma. I must say this first. I was also clumsy with my words. I was not trying to exclude you or push you away with my reluctance to answer your question.”
“It is none of my business, I am sure. I do not judge you for keeping your business private from a stranger,” Gemma insisted.
“Stop it!” Nathan commanded sharply. “I will not have you drive yourself away from me when I do not wish it.”
He felt Gemma freeze, her fingers still and unmoving against his wrist. He heard her breathing quicken. Reaching up, he placed the fingers of his good hand over hers, savoring the soft, silky touch of her skin.
“I feel guilty because of something I did in my youth that I am not proud of. In fact, it haunts me to this day. But I would not have you think less of me than I believe you do. Your good thought of me has become very important. If not the most important thing.”
Silence greeted him. The sudden closeness of her perfume was his only warning before her lips pressed against his cheek. She held them there for a long moment before ending the kiss.
“Thank you, for caring how I feel. It is a strange state of affairs for me. One I am unused to. It feels…wonderful,” Gemma said. “But now we must see to that burn or it will worsen.”
CHAPTERNINETEEN
Gemma tugged on the nearest silken bellpull and bade Nathan to sit. He walked easily to the nearest chair and seated himself. Gemma had remembered that furniture in Hutton was laid out precisely, memorized by its master, and then kept in that position. So, she knew that she could tell him where to sit and he would find it as easily as a sighted man. She knelt on the floor beside him and took his hand, as gently as she could. Across the back, it had turned an angry red.
“I expect this will blister. I have seen a scalding before. When cousin Elliot got blind drunk and knocked over a steaming jug of water.”
“It will,” Nathan said, with no sign of pain in his voice. “I can feel the heat of it. You are right, cold water will soothe, and then a bandage to protect the blisters while the skin heals.”
“You sound as though you know something of medicine,” Gemma said.
“Field medicine, yes. A soldier who does not know the basics of tending to wounds does not last very long. Most officers don’t bother, they rely on sergeants. But, I worked with the Partisans and would not be held in very high esteem in their eyes had I seemed a helpless English fop.”
Gemma nodded, making a vague affirmative noise, though she didn’t know who the Partisans were.
Something to do with the war and therefore something quite horrible, I should say.
