Dirk’s back straightened even more.
“Mr. Baxter. You thought the dyads were going well. Why?”
“The question was, what did I want her to know? I want her to know all those things. The business is important. But she forgot the times I told her how much I am still attracted to her, how much she turns me on, and… how my erection isn’t the only gauge of how excited I am to be with her.”
Unlike many men I see who come to me with younger wives, he seemed ready to assert himself as he was being attacked. Many others would get defiant but shrink into themselves. Slumped shoulders and downcast eyes were common. He believed what he was saying.
He had no way of knowing how what he said hurt me, though.
My feelings, however, were not the focus. The dyads were supposed to start them off in a safe space to be more open and vulnerable with each other. They had loved each other once. That spark just needed to be rekindled.
“When you can’t get it up when you’re touching me, it doesn’t shout attraction.”
“You do arouse me, Scarlet. Didn’t you feel that? You saw that. Right?”
“Until you fall asleep and it goes limp.”
“Since you’ve started doing sensate touch, let’s talk more about how that practice is going.” I tried to divert the conversation.
“Good.”
“Terrible.”
Again, opposite responses from the two. I made some notes before asking the next question.
“Scarlet, why do you say they’ve been terrible?”
“Whenever I’m behind him, caressing him, he falls asleep…” She turned her head to face Dirk, “… and then he goes soft as a wet spaghetti noodle. It’s hard to be intimate with someone who’s asleep just as you’re trying to turn them on.”
“When he’s behind you, he’s alert. Awake?”
“Yes. For the most part.”
“Does he seem aroused at all?”
“He gets a little hard. I can feel him pressing against me.”
“And are you aroused?” I asked Scarlet.
She glanced at him before turning to focus on me. “Of course I’m aroused. He’s still a very sexy man, even if he no longer finds me attractive and can’t bring himself to get an erection when I’m touching him. If I could just suck… well, touch him in the right place, I’m sure he would.”
“Scarlet.” Dirk’s tone was admonishing.
I thought I saw the hint of a tear forming in one eye as she looked down and away from me. This was my third appointment with both of them and I’d never seen Scarlet near the point of crying. She had expressed anger, disappointment, and some compassion, but never close to a tear.
“Do you practice this nightly?”
“Five nights a week. Sunday’s and Monday’s I insist on sleeping in my bed.”
“Meaning you sleep together on the other nights?” My heart took a bit of a hit with this new information. I had decided that I couldn’t be involved with Dirk now, without trying to help him and Scarlet as much as I could. There was still a secret part of me that hoped it wouldn’t work out, though. Them sleeping together caused a tightness in my chest. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t do my best to help them. Even if I got hurt in the process.
“Yes. He falls asleep in my bed when I’m trying my best to arouse him. It’s discouraging.” Scarlet looked up and wiped a tear from her cheek. I could sense that anger in her voice.
“Dirk. Do you have anything to say to Scarlet about why you fall asleep when she’s touching you and trying to arouse you?”
“I don’t mean to fall asleep. Usually, I have problems falling to sleep but since I started staying at the house again, I am exhausted and I get drowsy after our meal. I think it’s from the long days and stress of this merger.”
“Maybe it’s because you feel comfortable being back home and in our bed?” Scarlet’s tone was hopeful.
