I slapped at his arm playfully and reached for another pile of Josh’s clothes.
“Talking of,” Sam said, dropping his backside to the floor and taking a box and some books. “When are we telling him about us?”
It was something I’d thought about over the few days that Sam had been staying with us and knew we would have to make a decision, but if I was being honest, I wasn’t sure it was still what Sam wanted, so hadn’t broached the subject. Plus, us playing happy families for the last few days, all be it in a weird way, had scared me at how much I wanted it despite all my fears.
“You didn’t make any life changing decisions in the hospital then?” I asked. “You know, some come to Jesus moment while you were unconscious about wanting to sail single-handed around the world, or go back packing through Australia.”
I laughed, but it was a nervous laugh, because I really was worried that something like that might have happened. The kiss a few moments earlier had been the first contact we’d had since he’d got out of hospital.
“Why would you think that?” he asked, placing a pile of paperbacks into the box he had in front of him. “I told you what I wanted, what I still want and no bang on the head is going to change that.”
I looked at him carefully, noting the hardness of his jaw and the twitch in his cheek.
“Okay,” I breathed out, as much in relief as needing to breath. “Maybe in a few days. Now I’ll go and sort you some breakfast.”
I pushed up from the floor, needing some space. Of course I was happy that Sam still wanted both me and Frankie, but something was still holding me back from being all in with his plan.
As I moved to walk away, Sam caught hold of my hand and tugged on it, urging me to look down at him.
“You know Maisie,” he said quietly. “Letting go of the past is what we both need to do, and that isn’t just about you forgiving me about Frankie. It’s about you forgiving me for not realising how special you were nine years ago.”
I nodded and gave him a small smile before pulling away and going to make him some breakfast.
Sam
the present
Six whole days I’d been under the same roof as Maisie, and apart from one brief kiss, hadn’t fucking touched her and it was killing me. To anyone looking in on us, you’d think we were a normal, happy family. In the day while I worked for a couple of hours from a laptop in her kitchen, Maisie cooked, read, or did housework and then when she told me I’d worked enough for one day, we’d sit and have some lunch and then watch a film or listen to some music. I’d then take a couple of hours nap while she went off to get Frankie from school and maybe take him to see her parents before bringing him home where I’d help with homework and reading, or even play a game while Maisie cooked dinner. All very fucking pleasant, but my body was burning for her.
I’d tried jacking off in the shower a couple of times, but it wasn’t enough, plus it was night time when I craved her the most, knowing she was just across the landing dressed in some skimpy sleeping attire. However, as Frankie was on a camp bed in the room with me, relieving myself was an absolute no go area.
What the last six days had also done, apart from give me fucking blue balls, was to cement my feelings for her. We’d talked a lot about general things, we’d laughed a great deal too and I’d seen first-hand what an amazing mum she was. The love and attention she gave to our son was as strong and as bright as the summer sun and Frankie basked in it daily. She’d been great with me too, always attentive and caring, checking whether I needed any painkillers, looking at my stitches and making sure I was warm, fed, and happy. Truth be known, I probably could have gone home days ago, but I justified it by saying once the doctor signed me off to go back to work I’d do it, but as my doctor’s appointment was the following day, I was dreading it and seriously considering telling him my headaches hadn’t stopped four days ago, but were still there and I was constantly feeling dizzy. It was all in contradiction to the part of me that was desperate to get back to work and running my business. I had great staff who knew exactly what they were doing, but I still had a deep-rooted need to be there and involved, which was why Maisie had conceded to the two hours a day on the laptop answering emails and taking a daily call with Eve, my Office Manager.
I smiled as I thought of Maisie and how she’d stamped her tiny little foot where I’d suggested working from home for six hours a day. She may well have been small, but she was a force to be reckoned with and I’d soon caved and agreed to a compromise of two hours. There was so much about her that I fucking adored and I really was struggling with the idea that we might not be what she wanted any more. She wasn’t particularly eager to tell Frankie and there had only been that one kiss.
Knowing she would be back from dropping Frankie at her parents’ house soon, and that potentially I only had one more day to make sure we were on exactly the same page about the future, I decided to come up with a plan of action. Maisie West was going to be under no fucking illusion how I felt about her within the next couple of hours.
* * *
Maisie
The house was quiet when I let myself in, which was unusual for the time of day. Sam was out of bed, because he’d been down to say goodbye to Frankie when I took him to my mum and dad’s for the day. They’d come up with some weird little handshake between them, one that included shoulders and elbows as well as hands and Frankie had told me in no uncertain terms it was a man thing and I shouldn’t worry about it. I’d left Sam making his breakfast and usually by this time music could be heard as he went on line to read the newspapers before starting on his emails. I wondered whether he’d decided to go back to bed, with it being a Sunday, or whether it was because he had a headache again and that worried me. He hadn’t had any painkillers for almost three days, so maybe he’d been suffering in silence.
“Sam,” I called up the stairs, but not too loudly in case he was sleeping.
When I got no response, I quietly moved down the hall into the kitchen. It was all clean and tidy, his breakfast dishes washed and put away and there was even a mug out with a spoonful of coffee in it for me; something that he’d done every morning that I’d taken Frankie to school.
I put the meat and potato pie that Mum had made for us in the fridge and flicked the kettle on, trying to decide what to do with myself while Sam was sleeping. There was no housework that needed to be done seeing as I’d had all week off and I wasn’t really in the mood for watching a film, so wondered about catching up on a couple of things on Netflix. I would have quite liked to watch some more of The Handmaid’s Tale, but it was something Sam and I had started to watch together, so he’d be disappointed if I did.
It struck me how we’d manage it once he left for home the following day, because I was sure that the doctor would sign him off as being fit to go back to work. The thought of him leaving made my heart clench in my chest because I really didn’t want him to go. The past week of having him with us had been amazing for Frankie and for me. Just having him around to talk to and to laugh with had made me happier than I had been in years. Watching him with Frankie had been the best thing ever. I knew he was trying hard, but you would never have thought he was new to being a father. The way he talked to Frankie and gave him his attention was everything that my boy deserved. It didn’t really matter if he was making an extra effort, because it didn’t look that way, it all looked so natural. The way he smoothed Frankie’s hair down, or nudged his plate toward him when he was too distracted to eat his dinner or how Sam instinctively reached for him when they were both sitting on the sofa watching TV – it all made butterflies swarm my stomach and my heart beat faster.
As for Sam and me, well since the one kiss when I’d been packing Josh’s things, there’d been no real contact, not like that anyway. I had noticed how he always brushed my hair from my eyes when we were talking, squeezed my waist when he moved past me in the kitchen, or put toothpaste on my toothbrush if I was going into the bathroom after him. God, everything about Samuel Cooper made my legs feel like jelly and my heart full of love. I had admitted that one to myself a couple of nights before when lying in bed I found myself getting excited about seeing him again in the morning. Of course I’d have preferred to see him next to me in bed, naked, but spending my days with him would have to suffice for the time being until…I had no idea until what because I was being stupid and needed a good slap. He obviously cared about me and loved Frankie, so what the hell was I waiting for.
As I considered it again, for the billionth time that week, I decided when he woke up I was going to talk to him. I was going to tell him we should tell Frankie and start being a real couple, starting with him taking me to bed and fucking me senseless.
Feeling determined, I left the kitchen and the boiled kettle and went to the lounge, deciding I’d relax with a book for a while, in readiness for my conversation with Sam. When I opened the door, I was shocked to see him lying on the sofa. He was perfectly still and had one arm hanging down, his fingers touching the floor. In fact, he looked too still and my heart stopped for a couple of beats as I watched him, convinced I couldn’t see him breathing.
“Sam,” I hissed as I rushed over to him. “Sam are you okay?”
