Needless to say, I was still worried and insisted that he stay with us, particularly as he was tired and still had to take pain relief for his headache. He’d also had a few stitches in the back of his head, and I wanted to be sure they were looked after properly. Who the hell was I kidding? I wanted him close by because seeing him in the hospital bed, looking so pale, had scared the life out of me and I needed to know he was alright. Which was why I was taking a few days off work to look after him.
Obviously, I couldn’t let him sleep on the sofa, so he’d had my bed and I’d started with a camp bed in Frankie’s room, but when I found Frankie camped out on the floor next to Sam the following morning, I put the camp bed in there for him and I took Frankie’s bed. Sam had tried to argue that we should swap, but his six feet plus frame would never fit the bed and I didn’t like the idea of him sleeping with his feet hanging off the end, so, I’d spent my nights tossing and turning in a small blue wooden bed thinking about crawling into a huge King size with Sam and cuddling against his hard, warm chest.
“Hey,” a voice said behind me. “What you doing?”
I looked up from where I was kneeling on the floor, surrounded by boxes and packing tape. “I thought you were still asleep.”
Sam gave me a lazy smile and scratched at his chest. “Been awake about twenty minutes. That bed of yours is so comfy.”
Yeah I know, I thought as I surreptitiously rubbed at a sore spot in the small of my back.
“You want some breakfast?”
“I can get it, you look busy.” He crouched down next to me and picked up a paperback on the SAS and studied the back of it before throwing it back onto the floor. “His stuff?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I sighed, surveying the clothes, books and general stuff that was piled over the carpet of my lounge. “I just want it out of here and I don’t want him here to collect it, so boxing it up and getting it sent to him seems the best idea.”
“Yeah well,” he said gruffly. “Let’s hope he has no need for it soon.”
I wasn’t totally convinced Josh would get a prison sentence, but I didn’t really care if he didn’t, as long as we never had to see him again. His court date was in three weeks’ time and we were still hoping he pleaded guilty to avoid me having to give evidence.
“Anyway,” I said, grinning at Sam. “What’ve you been doing if you woke up twenty minutes ago?”
His eyes softened and he gave me a wistful smile. “I dropped my phone and was looking for it under the bed and found Frankie’s baby book.”
“So you’ve been reading it?”
I cupped his cheek with my hand and gently stroked his stubble with my thumb. His eyes looked sad and full of regret.
“You know you can’t keep doing this Sam,” I whispered. “You have to move forward. I am, so you have to too.”
“I know but-.”
“No.” I shook my head. “There is no but. If you keep holding on to this regret you will never be the father that Frankie needs. You’ll treat him with kid gloves, walk on egg shells, however you want to describe it, but he’ll figure it out and no matter how much he loves you, he’ll take advantage and disrespect you. Yes, you were an absolute idiot -.”
“And a prick.”
“Yes,” I laughed. “And a prick, but you’re putting things right. You lost eight years of being his dad, but you potentially have another fifty or sixty to give him, so stop looking back and move on. Looking back is what got you into this mess in the first place.”
Taking a deep breath, Sam reached for me and pulled me into his arms, wrapping me into a tight hug.
“You’re so fucking amazing, you know that,” he whispered against my hair. “I can’t believe I got this second chance with you and this first chance with our son.”
I dropped a kiss to his jaw and wrapped my arms a little tighter around him. “Because you’re pretty amazing yourself, when you’re not being a prick.”
Sam’s laughter roared in my ear. “Oh am I. You cheeky little-.”
I didn’t give him chance to call me anything because I kissed him again, this time my lips landing on his. It was soft and gentle and full of…well love, I supposed.
After a few seconds I pulled away, because as much as I would have like to get hot and sweaty with him on my lounge floor, he was convalescing and needed to be careful.
“Hey,” he cried as I pushed away. “I was just about to start my best moves on you.”
“I know, but you’re ill and I have to get these boxes packed, so sorry that’s all you’re getting.”
Sam groaned and rolled his eyes.
“And stop behaving like your eight year old son.”
