Her heart thudded to a full stop, her ears ringing. “Han, I…”
“I don’t want anyone else,” he said in a rush. “I’m in love with you. Please say yes.”
Oh, she wanted to. She’d dreamed of this moment, of hearing these words. And yet… somehow in her daydreams all the other obstacles didn’t exist. There’d been a fairytale aspect to the fantasy in which Han loved her and carried her off to some paradisical land where they lived on love.
Which was not the Convocation, with its sharply defined roles and rigid expectations. Besides, Hanwasn’ta wizard yet. He might think he wanted her now, but that could change. And that was before his family got involved in the matter.
“What is it?” Han whispered, stricken. “You can’t tell me you don’t feel the same. Not after that spectacular kiss.”
“Han…” Her throat was too dry and she had to swallow. “We’ve been friends for a long time and this is very sudden.”
He glared at her, eyes full of fire. “It’snotsudden. Yes, we’ve been friends for years, the best of friends. I can love you as a friend and as a familiar. Unless…” He hesitated, searching her face. “Unless you don’t want me?”
There was no world in which she didn’t want him. But this was a crazy conversation to be having. Deliberately, she disentangled herself from him. “First of all, while I absolutely believe in you, you are not yet certified as a wizard, so any decisions like this are premature.”
When he opened his mouth to argue, she laid her fingers over his lips. Which was a mistake because they burned her skin, tempting her to replace her fingers with her own lips again. She yanked her hand away again. “Second, we both know the decision won’t be up to us. The Convocation will want to determine our compatibility. And your family will want to have a say.”
“I can handle my family,” he bit out, eyes a blue as hot as the magical fires in the laboratory.
She knew better than to argue with that, as it would only tempt Han to entrench more. “And can you handle the Convocation, too?”
“I’m willing to fight for you,” he retorted. “They’re not the final say. Unless you’re telling me you don’twantto be my familiar.”
And there it was, the scary truth of it all. Maybe it was her classmate raising the specter of Fascination in class today, but it hit Iliana with knee-weakening realization that if Fascination was real, and if she became Han’s familiar, then she’d risk losing herself. She was already unhealthily attached to him, even obsessed, as Alise had once gently suggested. As much as Iliana loathed the thought of being bonded to a wizard she hated, like vile Sabrina, or someone equally awful, there would be a certain amount of emotional freedom in disliking them. Her hatred would give her space inside to be entirely herself. If she loved her wizard like she already loved Han, and that was without the bonding or the Fascination…
“Iliana?” Han spoke her name tentatively, rare uncertainty crossing his face that nearly broke her heart.
She put her fingertips to her temples, not an act as her head swam dizzily. “I just can’t think right now. I’m so tired, and I’m starving.”
“Of course.” He smiled, relief and his usual sweetness in it. “Again I’m being thoughtless. Let’s get you fed.” He tripped the lock on her door, opened it, and gestured her through with a courtly bow that made her laugh.
Han could always make her laugh. But he couldn’t be hers. Better to get her head straight about that.
~ 4 ~
At least Hancould make Iliana laugh, even when he was dying inside. Fortunately long training with his rank-obsessed family allowed him to keep a cheerful smile pasted to his face as he and Iliana walked through the long gallery leading to the dining hall. They walked without speaking, both of them concentrating on the mental disciplines that would disguise their recent activities from the thought-seekers.
Han established a running mental contemplation of dinner options—easy, as he was ravenously hungry—then let himself think about his next steps. He wasn’t going to let Iliana’s summary rejection slow him down. She’d kissed him back, with fervor that still had his entire body throbbing with longing. She might’ve kicked away the heart he’d laid at her feet with distressing vigor, but he also knew she was afraid. And exhausted.
He always did have terrible timing. Fortunately he had persistence. If he kept trying, eventually he’d hit the right timing through sheer repetition. The thought cheered him, as did the gaily decorated gallery they walked through. That was the power of an excellent kiss with the person you loved. His gloominess from earlier in the day, the frustration he’d felt in the Tower of Testing, the sullen fury at his mother’s lectures—all of that had evaporated in the heat of kissing Iliana at last, leaving giddiness behind. The twinkling lights and sparkling decorations seemed to echo the bubbling joy in his heart.
House Elal had developed the new line of festival lights in recent years. Created in conjunction with House El-Adrel, the cunning magical artifacts radiated bright light from the tiny fire elementals powering them, available in all sorts of colors. Naturally, the Convocation Academy had selected crimson and silver, academy colors, and those lights predominated, brightening the otherwise shadowy arcade.
Banners of the twelve High Houses lined the hall, too, and at each a cluster of lights twinkled in those house colors. Iliana’s House Ariel glittered with the deeper tones of earth, sea, and sky, their banner showing the house crest, a similar triad reflecting animals of the ground, water, and air. The House Hanneil banner glittered with red and black lights, the crest of a stylized human head radiating rays in the same colors. If Han did manifest as a wizard, he’d fight taking a contract with House Hanneil, no matter what his parents wanted. He’d had enough of thought-seeking and oracle heads. Surely some other house could make use of his magical potential in psychic magic.
After the High Houses came the second tier houses, then the lower-ranking houses, their banners clustering thick on the walls. Han turned his face away from his own house banner, being thoroughly unhappy with the lot of them at the moment, and his gaze snagged on a new banner. Silver on deep blue, a full moon rose over an argent sea, and the lights clustered at the top, all in white and palest silver-blue.
“Look.” He nudged Iliana. “A new house banner. I don’t recognize the crest though.”
She followed his gaze. “House Phel,” she murmured in surprise.
“Aha!” He studied the crest with greater interest. House Phel had been defunct for so long that he’d never seen their symbol before.
“If you studied your house crests,” she noted primly, “you’d have known that.”
“I memorized all the active houses,” he protested. “Why waste brain space on all the defunct ones?”
“For instances like this,” she retorted.
