"I made every excuse for him in the beginning, blaming myself for the responsibilities I’d placed on him But I eventually realized that it was his choice to go off the rails like that. I helped, I contributed, but he insisted that I didn’t. In the end, he blamed me for everything."
He kneeled in front of me and took my hands in his. “It’s over now, you never have to carry that blame again. You have family on your side, friends, me...” he trailed off. “I should go and let you carry on with Maria.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Thank you for being here.”
"Anytime." He planted a kiss on my cheek, and I felt a flush creep up my face again. I watched him walk away then let out a deep breath.
Chapter 18
Tara
Six months before the accident
Iwas out running again. I'd had a restless night, and I needed to get out of the house. Reid came home around three a.m., obviously drunk I’d heard him shuffling around but ignored it. I'd moved into the guest bedroom a few months ago so his comings and goings wouldn't disrupt my sleep. I took another sprint around the block and came to a halt at my home’s pathway. This was a beautiful house. We'd picked it together the day he’d been promoted to partner.
I didn't care for the big house, I didn't care for any of that, but he wanted it, and I went along. Becca was just three years old at the time. She was fascinated, although I doubt she actually realized the enormity of the moment.
I ran up the pathway and opened the front door to the sound of giggling. I was taken aback because that was definitely a woman's laughter. I didn't call out, but I felt goosebumps spread across my arms and behind my neck.
He wouldn't.
But walking into the kitchen, I was forced to realize that he would because right before my eyes was Reid, screwing another woman on my kitchen counter. When he looked up and saw me, I felt like I was frozen in time. I couldn't move. I couldn't look away. He smiled at me slyly as he continued to make her moan and writhe beneath him, calling his name. When they were done, she turned to where he was looking, and when she saw me standing there, she screamed, jumping off the counter. She quickly pulled on her dress which had been discarded on the floor, rushing to the doorway.
She stopped in front of me. "I'm sorry," she said hurriedly, tears of embarrassment forming in her eyes. I recognized her from the office. I'd delivered him lunch a few times, on demand of course, and she was one of the project coordinators. Lana, I remembered her name badge.
"I didn't know you were here," and with that, she ran out of the kitchen. As if screwing a married man was okay as long as his wife was not around. She was a young girl, foolish, trying to rise through the ranks. I stood against the refrigerator, my hands around my throat, silently begging to breathe easier.
He walked up to me and gripped my chin with his hand.
"You're speechless?" he asked. I tried to look away, but he wouldn't let me. "I've grown tired of you, Tara. You have never been good enough for me." He reached behind him, handed me an envelope and walked out of the room.
I felt like I was a spectator in someone else’s life. There was no way that I had just experienced that, and there was no way that I had just stood there like a fool. I felt the first tears fall down my cheeks as I sank to the floor.
"What happened to us, Reid?" I whispered to nobody. When I found the strength to move, I went up to the guest bedroom and closed the blinds, I didn't know where he was. I was grateful that Becca was at a sleepover at Tiffany's. My world was falling apart, and I didn't want my daughter to see me like this. How could I expect to raise a strong young woman when I was so weak? My daughter deserved better, she deserved a mother who was brave and resilient. Someone who didn't bow down the way I did.
I don't know how long I slept for, but when I woke, I could tell it was dark out. I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen. The house was quiet, and I assumed he was out with that woman or whoever else he spent his time with. I picked up the envelope I'd left on the floor. I didn't want to open it, so I left it on the table and reached for the bottle of vodka I'd been keeping for an occasion like this. I opened the bottle, and when I was halfway through it, I got down my prescription sleeping pills and opened it, letting a few fall into my mouth, I swallowed them down with even more vodka. I felt numb. I fell off the kitchen stool and onto the floor. The last thing I saw was Becca, running toward me, her arms out before everything faded to nothing.
Chapter 19
Tara
Present Day
Maria’s mouth hung open as I conveyed the story of my attempted suicide. She took notes furiously.
"I woke up three days later in the hospital. Because I let a man get to me," I finish.
She shook her head, her bob swinging. “That man is a bastard, he never deserved you.”
"For a long time, I believed that I was the one who wasn't good enough, but I finally know that isn't the case. I am not the same woman he almost destroyed."
"So, what happened after you got out of the hospital?"
How do I explain those months leading up to the court case? He’d stopped abusing me physically, but what I went through was far worse.
“What more could he do to a broken shell but crush it? And that is what he did, he trampled me under his feet until I was nothing. I turned to the bottle, most likely the way he’d planned. I locked myself away from the world.” I said thoughtfully.
“And Becca?”
