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Slowly, Rowan brings his gaze back to mine, and with a resigned look, he waits for me to say something.

I shake my head as his words dig their claws viciously into my heart.

His tone is hoarse when he admits, “It’s the one thing I regret.”

For a long moment, I can’t speak as the story of Katherina breaks my heart in two.

Finally, I shake my head, my breath shaky as I whisper, “I’m glad to hear you have a conscience.” I shake my head again, wishing I could unhear everything he said. “But you killed an innocent woman. Her only crime was that she wanted her freedom. She probably trusted you.” My voice disappears, and I can’t stop the tears from escaping. “She probably hoped that you would help her or keep her safe.”

Poor Katherina. I can’t begin to imagine the hell she was forced to endure.

Letting go of my legs, I climb off the bed and begin to pace up and down. Rowan doesn’t say anything but just watches me.

My mind races, and unable to ignore the cold, hard fact, I turn to him and say, “You slept with Katherina for years, Rowan. That’s a hell of a lot longer than the two and a half months we’ve known each other. We haven’t even had sex!” I gasp as the horror creeps into my bones. “If you could kill a woman you knew for such a long time, someone you had sex with repeatedly . . .” I shake my head wildly as my heart breaks even more. “You crossed that line once, what’s keeping you from crossing it again with me?”

Rowan moves off the bed, and as he comes around the foot end, my arm flies up. “No, I can’t have you touching me right now.”

He stops, and guilt flickers over his face before settling into something heavier. “I didn’t love Katherina.”

My body stills, and I stare at the man I was considering sacrificing everything for.

Was Katherina willing to do that too?

“No, you just loved fucking her,” I spit out, the words bitter on my tongue. “Then you stopped because you grew a conscience.” My emotions spiral so badly, I can’t rein them in. “You wouldn’t sleep with her because some monster stole her and sold her for a measly ten thousand, but you had no problem killing her. Why, Rowan? So you wouldn’t have to see her anymore? She wouldn’t be there to constantly remind you that you used her just like every other man in that club?”

By the time I’m done, my chest rises and falls rapidly, and the little hope I had lies dead at my feet.

I fold my arms around myself and shake my head again. “It’s only a matter of time before I’m a burden on your conscience you need to get rid of.” My voice grows hoarse as I shrug. “But hey, at least I won’t see the bullet coming.”

As I stare at Rowan, I realize the heartache I felt when my parents wrote me off was child’s play compared to what I’m experiencing right now.

My first love comes crashing down around me, the destruction so bad, I can’t even cry.

Rowan

The way Annie looks at me makes me feel . . . ashamed and a loss so deep, it turns into a physical ache in my chest.

Any chance I had of winning her trust is gone.

There’s a dull pressure behind my eyes, as if my body wants to cry, but doesn’t have tears to spill.

My pulse is uneven, and it feels like the axis it’s beating around has gone off center, and I’m wobbling.

Everything Annie has said is valid. The only defense I have is that she means everything to me, whereas Katherina was just a woman I had sex with. It sounds too cold to say out loud, and I know it will make things worse, so I keep it to myself.

A soul-crushing, exhausted expression settles on Annie’s face, and her voice sounds hollow. “If you could go back, would you do anything differently?”

I exhale through my nose and shake my head. “Someone else would’ve gotten the order, and her death would’ve been brutal. I couldn’t decline the order and watch another man tear her apart. I considered it a mercy killing.” Knowing I’m digging my own grave, I say, “If the Bratva had you and I was dying, completely out of the game and unable to save you . . .” Shut up! “If they gave me one bullet, I’d use it on you, knowing I was saving you from a fate worse than death.”

The accountant’s wife and daughter flash through my mind.

Annie’s eyes slowly drift shut, and she stands dead still. Her breathing even slows down, and it feels as if her light dims.

“I’d do it because I love you, Annie. The world I come from is depraved and brutal. There is no mercy.”

“I understand,” she whispers. When she opens her eyes again, she looks sad.

No anger. No disappointment. No judgment. Just sad.