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FORTY-FIVE

Zayn

“That’s bullshit, and you know it,” I tell Nick accusingly.

Laughing into the phone, he says, “Good luck telling your sister that.”

Groaning loudly, I sink into my desk chair and close my eyes.

Last night, I left their place as soon as they got home, sometime around 4 a.m.

The moment Nick and Sierra walked into Serena’s room, both of them stopped in the doorway when they saw me there, unable to react. Their eyes darted between me and each other, as if both of them had forgotten their child was in my care.

What I didn’t know until I got there was that I wasn’t the only one looking after her.

I didn’t say anything. I simply walked past them, an unimpressed expression on my face, and left the room and the house altogether, needing fresh air before I lost my mind.

I spent the entire night in Serena’s room, alternating between watching her sleep peacefully and answering emails on my phone.

I tried to keep my mind occupied so I wouldn’t think about the fact that Selene was somewhere in that house, physically so close to me and yet absolutely out of reach.

But no matter how hard I tried to distract myself, my thoughts kept circling back to the same thing. If I ever allow myself to go after her again, she will reject me the same way she did before.

“Drop it, Nick,” I say firmly.

“You can’t start avoiding places or refusing to do things because Selene will be there too, Zayn,” he tells me bluntly, the way he always does.

“Should I remind you that you ran off to London the second Sierra did something that hurt you, Nickolas?”

“And how exactly did that help?” he asks without missing a beat.

“I don’t know, and I don’t want details about your relationship with my sister,” I warn him through gritted teeth.

“It didn’t help at all, I’ll tell you that,” he says, ignoring me. “And Selene is going to spend a lot of time in London from now on.”

He says it like a warning.

But it’s something I already know.

She’s going to start working with Theo on renovating the hotels he just bought, and the moment I found out, I understood what that would mean.

I could easily start attending every meeting that involves traveling to different cities around the world and leave the office work to my brothers.

But that would mean running away.

And I don’t want to do that. I have no reason to.

Even if having her this close and not being able to touch her, knowing she isn’t mine anymore, tears my chest wide open, I have to face reality.

I’ve already been through this once, when she was with someone else.

And even back then—when I didn’t know what it felt like for her to be mine—I still couldn’t stand seeing her in his arms.

Fuck.

Just thinking about it makes my blood boil.

I need to learn how to control my instincts and reactions because I can’t keep showing up at races every night just to keep my anger under control.